What's Your Friendship Style?

I know that this may seem like a strange topic for this blog, but I decided to broach the subject today because it's something that's been on my mind a lot lately. For a number of reasons...

First, I've recently moved to a new place and started over (as you know). This means that for the third time since college, I'm starting fresh in a new community and trying to make new friends as an adult. [Sigh.]

Second, my oldest friend came to visit this past week, and while she was here, we talked a lot about our friendship and how it is different from (and similar to) other friendships in our lives. Being friends since age 10 is a pretty special thing, and it definitely leads to a friendship that is closer to family/sisters than just girlfriends. 

Third, it's the 10th anniversary of the last episode of Sex and the City, and the second season of Girls is happening, so I'm reading articles about relationships among females everywhere that I look. And it's got me thinking... {Hehe!!} 

Personally, I feel like I have the best friends in the world. I know many people feel this way, and that makes me very happy for all of us. Although I've made some amazing friends as an "adult," the majority of my closest people are friends from college (and Kelly, from 5th grade).

As I've started over in three new places, and as I've observed how the process of making friends as an adult is different from the process of making friends as children, as teenagers, and as college students, I've noticed that a big part of this process is dictated by our individual friendship styles.

What do I mean by this? As I see it, there are a few of the main/basic friendship styles that we adults may exemplify:

• Friendship Style #1: The Social Butterfly- This individual tends to have tons of good friends from all different social groups and parts of life. She makes friends easily, opens up easily, and has no problem letting people in. She's finds friends wherever she goes, and gets energy from being around people. She's great at keeping in touch and cultivating friendships with people from all walks of life.
  

• Friendship Style #2: A Few Good (Wo)Men- This individual tends to have a few very close friends. She doesn't cultivate deep friendships with many people, but once she truly lets you in, you're in for life. She may have lots of acquaintances and may be friendly with lots of people, but she takes a long time to get close to someone and consider them a good friend.  She takes a bit more time to make friends and sometimes struggles with making new friends because she feels she already has enough. 
  

• Friendship Style #3: The More the Merrier- This individual is a connecter, a joiner, a friendship matchmaker. She is friends with lots of people, and is always making plans, throwing parties, hosting events, and sending out invitations. She may or may not have really close friendships among her large social circle, but she's happier when she's bringing large groups together, anyways. She knows everyone and is friends with everyone. She's always the hostest with the mostest.
  

• Friendship Style #4: The Lone Ranger- This individual doesn't have many good friends, and doesn't really need them. She gets energy from being alone, and is fine just being a part of a larger social group every once in a while. She is never the inviter, only the invitee, and is happier that way. She may have a close friend or two, but prefers to spend low-key time alone or with family. 
  

• Friendship Style #5: Two Birds with One Stone- This individual tends to make new friends as her surroundings change--she makes friends that are convenient to spend time with--friends that are already built into her life. She makes friends at work, becomes friends with her partner's friends (or her partner's friends' significant others), and likes spending time with the parents of her children's friends or family members. She doesn't have time for friends that aren't already a part of her life, so friends of convenience makes things easier. 
  

• Friendship Style #6: Friends!? Who Has Time For Those?- This individual is too distracted, busy, and/or consumed by other elements of her life to have friends. She may be uninterested in cultivating friendships, may not do well in them, or may simply be too overwhelmed to place any priority on relationships. Depending on her personality, she may be totally fine with this! She usually has a family member or a partner who fills the relationship void in her life. 

So, what do you think?  Which friendship style sounds most like yours? I think it's important to understand how and why you make the friends that you make, so that if you're feeling lonely or overwhelmed or frustrated when it comes to interpersonal relationships, you can begin to get to the root of the issue--and maybe push yourself to get out of your friendship comfort zone a little bit.

I am most definitely a Style #2-er, which is why I often need some prodding when it comes to making friends in a new place. I feel so close to my current friends and already spend lots of time trying to stay in touch with them (which is difficult for me), so I often don't feel a lot of pressure to seek out new friends. I also really enjoy spending time with my significant other, so I don't have the same internal push to get out there and meet new people.

BUT, I know it's important to have friends where you live (because friendships are healing, nurturing, healthy, etc!), so I try to push myself out of my comfort zone. 

Sometimes you just need to have a glass of wine with a friend--in person--and vent, or laugh, or have a deep discussion about life. Technology makes this easier from long distances, yes, but there's still something different about being face-to-face, in real life, and from having the comfort of a warm body across the table from you. This is why we need local friends. 

I also want to say that I think that ALL of these friendship styles are wonderful and valid (I'm sure there are many more, as well!), and that we need all of these types of people in the world.  I just hope that by recognizing what type of friendship style you're working with, you can learn to take care of yourself and protect your energy by making friends that feed your personality + energy, instead of sucking it dry.

And with that, I'll leave you with my favorite friendship quote from SATC: 

"The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don’t. But, in the end, they’re the people you always come home to. Sometimes it’s the family you’re born into and sometimes it’s the one you make for yourself."