I know that this may seem like a strange topic for this blog, but I decided to broach the subject today because it's something that's been on my mind a lot lately. For a number of reasons...
First, I've recently moved to a new place and started over (as you know). This means that for the third time since college, I'm starting fresh in a new community and trying to make new friends as an adult. [Sigh.] Second, my oldest friend came to visit this past week, and while she was here, we talked a lot about our friendship and how it is different from (and similar to) other friendships in our lives. Being friends since age 10 is a pretty special thing, and it definitely leads to a friendship that is closer to family/sisters than just girlfriends. Third, it's the 10th anniversary of the last episode of Sex and the City, and the second season of Girls is happening, so I'm reading articles about relationships among females everywhere that I look. And it's got me thinking... {Hehe!!} Personally, I feel like I have the best friends in the world. I know many people feel this way, and that makes me very happy for all of us. Although I've made some amazing friends as an "adult," the majority of my closest people are friends from college (and Kelly, from 5th grade). As I've started over in three new places, and as I've observed how the process of making friends as an adult is different from the process of making friends as children, as teenagers, and as college students, I've noticed that a big part of this process is dictated by our individual friendship styles. What do I mean by this? As I see it, there are a few of the main/basic friendship styles that we adults may exemplify:
So, what do you think? Which friendship style sounds most like yours? I think it's important to understand how and why you make the friends that you make, so that if you're feeling lonely or overwhelmed or frustrated when it comes to interpersonal relationships, you can begin to get to the root of the issue--and maybe push yourself to get out of your friendship comfort zone a little bit. I am most definitely a Style #2-er, which is why I often need some prodding when it comes to making friends in a new place. I feel so close to my current friends and already spend lots of time trying to stay in touch with them (which is difficult for me), so I often don't feel a lot of pressure to seek out new friends. I also really enjoy spending time with my significant other, so I don't have the same internal push to get out there and meet new people. BUT, I know it's important to have friends where you live (because friendships are healing, nurturing, healthy, etc!), so I try to push myself out of my comfort zone. Sometimes you just need to have a glass of wine with a friend--in person--and vent, or laugh, or have a deep discussion about life. Technology makes this easier from long distances, yes, but there's still something different about being face-to-face, in real life, and from having the comfort of a warm body across the table from you. This is why we need local friends. I also want to say that I think that ALL of these friendship styles are wonderful and valid (I'm sure there are many more, as well!), and that we need all of these types of people in the world. I just hope that by recognizing what type of friendship style you're working with, you can learn to take care of yourself and protect your energy by making friends that feed your personality + energy, instead of sucking it dry. And with that, I'll leave you with my favorite friendship quote from SATC: "The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don’t. But, in the end, they’re the people you always come home to. Sometimes it’s the family you’re born into and sometimes it’s the one you make for yourself."
I also recently moved and have been thinking about friendship recently. I have some great friends as well and feel so fortunate, like you! (and I love the friendships portrayed in sex and the city!) I really related to this post, thank you for sharing. I have been a silent follower of your inspirational, uplifting blog for a while now and wanted to nominate you for the sunshine award! you truly deserve it :) you can check it out here: http://graceblumberg.blogspot.com/2014/02/sunshine.html Comments are closed.
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HELLO!I'm Mary Catherine, a Cape Cod-based yoga teacher, painter, designer, writer, mom, and list-maker extraordinaire. My goal is to inspire you to start living a more creative, simple, joyful, + purposeful life.
{Learn more + read my story}
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