Wedding Dress Woes

[The world's longest wedding dress train. I'm guessing that she had a difficult time with her dress...image via thestar.blogs.com]

Before we delve into this post, let me assure you that it's not going to be a long list of my own personal wedding dress woes, a critique of the wedding dress industry (which honestly, could use a critique or two...), or a diatribe on how "hard" the life of a bride-to-be can be (#firstworldproblems), as I think that the dress is one of the really fun parts of planning a wedding. 

But, there has been a *bit* of drama surrounding my dress over the past few months, and it's made me think a lot about the pressure that we put on ourselves to look "perfect" on our wedding days, so that's what I want to discuss briefly with you today.

Also, let me just caveat this post with the following (to quell any worries): I finally had my first dress fitting yesterday, and it was wonderful--I'm still as in love with my dress as I was when I first bought it last year, and I can't wait to wear it on October 6th. Phew. So now on to my point...

I bought my dress last November. Since I've been around the same size for the past couple of years, I thought nothing of buying a dress almost a year out. It was slightly big at the time, so I had plenty of room for my body to change a bit. Then, I started doing CrossFit a lot more frequently over the past year or so. I did a 16-week squat cycle, meant to greatly increase our squat maxes, participated in The Open, and began to get stronger, bit by bit. 

About two months ago, I tried on my dress for the first time since January, and was horrified to see that it had gotten pretty tight where it wraps around my back and shoulders (lets just say that I was nervous that when dancing, I would rip the dress if I did any crazy dance moves). Because of this tiny little change in how my dress fit--it still fit everywhere else--I started freaking out.

I called a friend almost in tears, started calling myself "The Incredible Hulk," and began obsessing over my back and shoulders--had they really gotten that much bigger? Have I bulked up so much that I'm losing my femininity? Do I need to stop doing CrossFit (something that I really enjoy) so that I can fit in my wedding dress? 

I hadn't even noticed the change in my appearance, and wasn't unhappy with the way that I looked until I tried on my dress, but all of the sudden, one little thing totally changed my body image. I began to try and figure out how I could change my body in just a few months, and when I looked in the mirror, all that I saw was my shoulders, getting bigger, filling every wedding photograph...

Sadly, I know that I'm not alone in obsessing over my body before my wedding day. I've heard *so* many brides talk about being on diets to fit into their dresses, giving up carbs, doing "bridal boot camps" to get in shape before the big day, and even buying dresses that are too small to force themselves to lose weight. We pick and pull at the parts of our bodies that we don't like, and find dresses that will cover them or make them look better.

 I don't think that it's bad to want to look your best on such a special day--and I think a lot of the other nerves and worries get funneled into worrying about our appearance, since it's something we can more easily change than our families or financial limitations--but I do think it's a problem that we, as women, put so much pressure on ourselves to look absolutely "perfect" for one day. I mean, I don't see many grooms-to-be doing this!?

Here are some basic facts: everyone who attends your wedding should be someone who loves and cares about you and your fiance. There should be a feeling of total support in the room, instead of judgment, and if there isn't, you should rethink who you're inviting. Most likely, your fiance thinks you're at your most beautiful when in your sweats with no makeup, and your friends and family love you no matter what you look like. So why, dear ladies, do we do this to ourselves? I desperately want it to stop, but I know that it's easier said than done.

Personally, I've now been able to let go of my "Incredible Hulk" obsession, due to my faith in good seamstresses who can work magic with dresses, my love for CrossFit and my unwillingness to give it up, and my desire to be happy in my body and continue to live normally in the weeks up to my wedding. I can gladly report that I won't be doing any last-minute dieting or boot camps, but I'm sure I will still do everything in my power to look as good as possible on the big day. 

So, I guess what I want to say--as a reminder to myself and to all of my readers--is this: 

You are beautiful exactly as you are. You are already perfect.

In the words of Thich Nhat Hanh, “Be yourself. Life is precious as it is. All the elements for your happiness are already here. There is no need to run, strive, search, or struggle. Just be.” 

Don't let one "big" day (wedding or otherwise) change how you feel about yourself or your body--it's just not worth it.

Namaste!
Mary Catherine