Tuesday Truth: Stop the Glorification of Busy

11/13/2012

This one is for all my fellow busybodies--those of us who learned, somewhere along the way, that being busy = being successful, or important, or worthy, or good. I think that many of us picked this up over the years, and I'm not exactly sure where it came from, but this concept is here and I don't see it going anywhere--especially in this time of constant connection. A lot of me feels that the "glorification of busy" is a more prevalent mindset among women, but I definitely don't think that it's limited to just women anymore (and men, please correct me if I'm way off here or if it's been around for men for quite a while, too!).

"Busy" has become the standard reply to many questions, like "How are you?" or "How is work going?" or, "How was your day?" or even, sometimes, "How was your vacation?" And I totally agree with the quote above, that for some reason, as a society, we have glorified busy. It's not enough anymore to work full-time, exercise daily, attend events, volunteer, socialize, eat healthy, and pursue a relationship (or date)/plan a wedding/have kids/have pets, etc. You should also have an online presence, travel, work overtime, cook healthy food at home, post pictures of everything you do online, buy a place and decorate it perfectly, pursue all of your other passions, and leave time to get your hair cut, go to the dentist, clean you house, do laundry, and shave your legs. I'm exhausted just writing about it. So what gives?

I recently read an article in the NYT Magazine called "The Island Where People Forget to Die," about a Greek island called Ikaria, where the inhabitants have an extraordinary longevity rate. The article explores a number of reasons why this might be the case for Ikaria and other similar communities, focusing on how their lifestyles differ from American lifestyles, but what I was most struck by was the fact that the people on Ikaria don't lead busy lives. In fact, they glorify the opposite of busy! Most don't wear watches, 84% of men and 67% of women there nap daily (daily!!), they stay up late to socialize, sleep in late, tend to their vegetable gardens during the day, and enjoy a slower-paced life. It seems that Ikaria's residents have decided to glorify living and enjoying life as opposed to hurrying through it, and it has paid off in their health and given them more time to enjoy their experience on Earth. It's a fascinating article and I highly recommend that you read it. It made me want to move there.

So, here's my question for you--how do you contribute to the "glorification" of busy? How could you make small changes in how you interact with others, and how you live your life, to begin to downplay the significance of always running from one thing to the next? Could you take a nap on the weekend and glorify that moment, instead? Could you stay up late on a weekday drinking wine + chatting with a friend (crazy, I know!), and then call into work so you can sleep until 11am, just because? Can you cancel an unnecessary meeting or appointment and use that time to sit on a bench in a park with a good book?

I know that I have contributed to this phenomenon, and I'm making a promise here today that I'm going to make a very conscious effort to stop the glorification of busy. Wish me luck.

Namaste!
Mary Catherine

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Kelly link

11/14/2012 12:17:22 am

I so agree MaryCatherine! My husband and I talk about this all the time - saying your busy is an easy excuse, but we all have the same amount of hours in a day, its how we *choose* to use the hours. Those on the island of Ikaria are choosing to use their hours in a different way - now, I'm off to read the article and be inspired!

You've probably already read it, but I'm reading the book 168 hours and she talks A LOT about this topic. Great read! :)

Joey Clifton link

11/21/2012 07:23:53 pm

Hi Mary Catherine,

This is such an interesting topic - thanks for bringing it up. The use of the word "busy" feels sort of illusive and slippery to me. Like it's become quite a subtle but very invasive trickster in our language. I wonder if we don't really realise what we're saying half the time. As you say - do we want to be busy? Is this what we aspire to? Or is it that actually busyness is a symptom or a much wider societal problem...

Many thanks for such a great blog...

Joey X

Jean

8/12/2013 08:15:17 am

Well, if people are constantly "busy," then they don't need to reflect on themselves, their behavior and their health (or the steps they need to take to grow as a person). If someone measures "success" by being "busy" then that tells you a lot about that person.

Peter link

1/24/2013 03:45:51 pm

Studying at a university where students fight tooth and nail for internships, leadership positions and so on, I feel like I'm constantly resisting a sea of busyness in order to take my time on things. I'm made to feel guilty about it too, not scheduling every hour of my time, and sometimes it does make me feel good to be really busy or "productive." Still, I'm very glad that I make a commitment to not being over-committed.

8/12/2013 08:08:42 am

I really enjoy this saying, actually, and it makes me think of some of the work and money obsessed in-laws that I have, and how they automatically devalue anyone who takes time to reflect and ruminate on life. Needless to say, I don't have much in common with these people and they are coincidentally pretty toxic, unhappy and unhealthy people!

J forbes

3/7/2015 04:03:49 pm

Hey being busy makes you successful it is good for your mind keep plugging and keep busy and you will be successful who is this Mary gal is she a movie director or a millionaire I DOUBT IT !!!' No way

Debra link

8/15/2014 01:49:41 am

Happiness is often found in simple pleasures. I was feeling quite bad lately because people kept asking me what plans I had for my son in the summer. I kept saying oh just bits and pieces but the truth is I hadn't planned anything? I didn't realise I had to, what's wrong with just living from day today, enjoying your own surroundings and each others company? Thanks for making me feel less guilty! ;)

Leah

9/10/2014 04:59:05 pm

Just stumbled across this & adore it!

I *say* I am a busy mom of 3 & *I* consider myself busy...but busy according to *my* standards.

I go to bed whenever (as I can manage with an infant of course) & wake whenever my kids get up, which is whenever they want. I have an infant, a 4 yr old & a 7 yr old. Dh & I are in our early 40's.

We homeschool with a very relaxed curriculum. We skip days if other things come up, catch up whenever & they still stay on track for grade level just fine & are even ahead in some areas.

I think as a society we busy up the kids too much with pointless tasks, repetition & too long of a teaching day. It takes a time span to grasp concepts, to let them sink in, beating them in actually seems to interfere with that if you ask me, based on modifying my own approach & coming to this even more relaxed approach over time.

We never get involved in organized sports/activities that require any significant schedule. I try to only scheduling things a few days out unless absolutely necessary (like we obviously have to schedule Dr/dental visits).

I love it this way. We all nap almost daily, stay up relatively late (even the kids), socialize a lot with friends & family. Some people seem to think that we need to "grow up & settle down" - meaning go to bed early, rise early, no naps & set a more rigid routine.

We don't "party", we pay our bills & taxes, do our chores, etc, but we prioritize relationships first above all. First with each other (Dh & I and our kids & then with the rest of our family & friends OVER things that *can* wait - like maybe chores at times. We buy good running used cars so we can pay outright & carry PL & PD insurance & shop used a lot for other things. We disconnected cable/satellite as soon as we had kids, I skip a cell phone, we try to shop for less extras & avoid overdoing it with the kids & that way we can afford more a lot more family time & more travel/adventure together. I'd rather put $500 toward a family trip than satellite TV yearly. Same with cell & other expenses that most of us could choose to live without if we prioritized what we SAY we prioritize.

We often have friends or relatives stay for a weekend (like 1-2 a month or more) & some have even lived with us short term, even if it means moving the kids in our room for a bit. We welcome that.

I wish more people understood that enjoying life & time with those you love is so much more valuable than anything else. My kids will likely go to regular schools someday, but I am in no hurry. For now I relish having us all together most of the time. Let the other families set at soccer fields at 7am - we are "busy" sleeping in with a pile on of kidlets to cuddle!

My kids are well cared for & healthy, my marriage is happy after 20+ yrs & the house looks decent the majority of the time & never anything you'd put on a magazine & I am just fine with that. Dh & I are often mistaken for being in our 20's despite not being health nuts one bit.

We are busy making memories that are worth having. I could not care less about what impression we might be making or how many people think my kids need to be in bed by 8pm or that 1am is too late for me to be up on a "work night" or that my child "should" have this or that rule or that I should have everything spotless before throwing an impromtu gathering of 40 people. That just isn't how we live. Based on the fact that we have drop in company most every day & 40 people to invite last minute, I am guessing, those close to us seem to enjoy our family just fine & we certainly aren't hurting for loved ones.

I am not sure why people seem to feel they need to keep running themselves ragged. :P It's never going to be me joining up though. We are truly happy in this life & I can't imagine packing it full of things to do. There is something relaly magical about not knowing what you are doing today & then finding out as you go along. Today we played in the rain for almost 3 hrs at a park that was completely deserted & we had NO idea that is what we would do. We saw a fabulous park while running an errand in a nearby city. The park was new to us & we decided to stick around despite the rain & wet car seats. ;) That is what not having any place special to be at any specific time gives you - little gems of opportunity.

Ruth Roadnight

10/22/2014 03:54:24 am

Hi Mary Catherine,
I was wondering if you knew the source of the image you used for this blog "stop the glorification of busyness". My friend Stari Gunarathne used it in her blog last year which followed her struggle against cancer. Unfortunately she passed away in December last year. Before she died she had hoped to turn her blog into a book and her family and friends would like to honour that using the pictures she used in her blog but we would like to seek copy right permission for them.
Any information you could give me would be fantastic or if this is your image would you be willing to let us use it in the book?
Thank you
Ruth Roadnight
(friend of Stari Gunarathne, "Finding the anchor in the storm" blog 2013)

Mary Catherine

10/22/2014 10:50:15 pm

So sorry, Ruth, but I don't own this image and don't know who does! I used it back before I knew you weren't supposed to use images like this on your blog ;) Good luck finding it! Sounds like a beautiful book that you're putting together.

xoxo

2/26/2015 11:51:49 pm

I lilke being busy and I like being successful! You should make the most of your life being famous is great but most of us do not know how to get there BUT BLESS THE ONES WHO DO ! THEY ARE GIFTED IN MARKETING THEMSELES THAT IS A GIFT NOT EVERYONE HAS. NOTHING IS WORSE THAN A BORING UNPRODUCTIVE LIFE !

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