When it comes to teaching yoga, I'm a perfectionist. [Surprise, surprise, right?]
That doesn't mean that my classes are always perfect (far from it!), but it does mean that I want them to be--I'm striving for perfect, even though I know that I shouldn't be, even though I know that there's no such thing, and even though I know that this striving isn't very yogic of me (blah, blah, blah...). It's a problem. But, the truth is that I'll obsess over the smallest error in my teaching. If I mess up a cue, if I say something weird, if my mind blanks for a second, I'll think about it for the rest of the class, and sometimes, for even longer than that. Intellectually, I know it doesn't matter. I know the class doesn't care, that everyone has already forgotten about it, that it shows my humanity (again, blah, blah, blah...) but still, it's in my nature to obsess. [Yes, I'm working on it. Letting go is a constant intention for me.] Along these perfectionistic lines, I have an OM issue. Again, totally unyogic, I'm aware of that, but I want to talk about it, to see if others can identify. My OM issue? I want it to be perfect, and often, it isn't. Lets back up for a second: What is OM? My favorite definition is that it's the "universal sound that unites us all," or the sound of the universe. Some teachers choose to chant it at the end of their classes, and some do not; I chant it because I love the connection and energy that it creates in the room. I really do find that this sound does unite us as a group, and I think it is a beautiful way to close the practice. I know that chanting OM turns some people off, and I understand why, but I also think that it can become a really wonderful ritual to close out a long and intense practice. So, obviously, I love a harmonious OM--when everyone is on the same wavelength (or octave or range? I'm no musician so I don't know what to call it) and it sounds really lovely. But often, that's not what happens. I start the OM, and some go lower, some go higher, everyone is different, and it comes out sounding a little cacophonous. As a level-headed individual, I know this is fine. But, as an obsessive teacher, I sometimes blame this imperfect OM on myself. Was my original OM off? Did I start it too high or too low? Was the tone too hard to match? And sometimes, the answer is yes, it is my fault, and that's the issue here. One of my fellow teachers told me once that he had "lost [his] OM" for a while (I know, such a cliche yogi conversation, but this kind of stuff is important!). He thought it might have to do with a blockage in his throat chakra, which is related to how you express yourself to others, and he was honest about feeling thrown off balance when it happened. When he told me this, I felt for him, as I understood that feeling--the feeling that you are leading the class through an unharmonious OM--and I understood that finding your OM is an important journey for a yoga teacher. Have I lost you yet? I hope not. So anyways, yogi friends and fellow teachers, here's what I'm wondering right now:
I'd love to hear your thoughts, if you have anything to share. But no matter what, don't worry, because until I figure out what all of this means to me (or says about me), you'll still be able to find me OMing it out at the end of my classes--sometimes out of tune, sometimes a little more "on," but always overthinking it... [Welcome to my life.]
First, love that photo!
Mary Catherine
9/11/2013 11:03:16 pm
thanks for these thoughts, andrea! i doubt your OM really sounds like a dying cat, but appreciate your understanding ;) glad to know i'm not the only obsessive one!
Liz
9/11/2013 06:48:46 am
If there IS a perfect OM, I haven't heard it yet. I have a terrible voice that was ruined by high school cheerleading, so I'm always a little relieved when the OM is discordant because I don't feel like I'm messing it up. I think it would be really hard to get that many people who don't practice together all the time in harmony!
Mary Catherine
9/11/2013 11:03:56 pm
Thanks for sharing your experience, Liz. Beautiful closing thought--I love it! xo
Sandy
9/11/2013 10:12:45 am
I really enjoy closing each practice with a chant of OM. Like yoga, OM is "perfect" being as it is...in perfect or imperfect tune. It is what it is, and that's ok. I too like to have things "perfect" or (to the best of my capabilities) as close to perfect as possible. The thing that I noticed about OM is that even when it starts out all squirrely and cacophonous, somehow it usually ends up harmonious (or close) by the end of the a-u-m...as if that universal vibration that runs through all of us and everything is serving as a tuning fork, bringing us all together from whatever place we started. It's a great reminder to me (especially related to practice) that we are all different (in body types, flexibility, capabilities to do advanced asanas, personalities, etc...), but at the core of it all, we are all united by a universal vibration/energy.
Mary Catherine
9/11/2013 11:05:10 pm
Thank you for saying this, Sandy! SO true. I feel like I should post an addendum to this post that includes your entire comment! Love the tuning fork concept. Thank you for sharing :)
Claire
9/11/2013 11:53:17 am
I definitely notice when am Om sounds especially good, but usually it's when I am outside the studio at the desk. I do love when it happens!
Mary Catherine
9/11/2013 11:05:30 pm
It really is special, isn't it? Comments are closed.
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HELLO!I'm Mary Catherine, a Cape Cod-based yoga teacher, painter, designer, writer, mom, and list-maker extraordinaire. My goal is to inspire you to start living a more creative, simple, joyful, + purposeful life.
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