Tuesday Truth: Impostor Syndrome

Impostor Syndrome: The psychological experience of believing that one’s accomplishments came about not through genuine ability, but as a result of having been lucky, having worked harder than others, or having manipulated other people’s impressions. -Wikipedia

I have a private client who is one of the two “foremost experts in [her] field” in the DC region. She’s smart, beautiful, successful, interesting and is a mother to three young children. She juggles difficult family situations and an important, high-stress job while still managing to smile, laugh at life, and find a work-life balance that allows her to spend time with her kids. Basically, she’s the epitome of the modern woman who is “doing it all," and I think she's amazing (obviously). 

A few weeks ago, as we were chatting about her work, she mentioned that she was worried that a colleague would “find out that I don’t know as much as I should about [this topic],” as if she were lacking in her knowledge of this subject in which she is considered an expert. 

As we continued to discuss this feeling of not being prepared, or of not knowing enough, I was struck by her lack of confidence--she is considered an expert in her field (!), yet she still doesn't think she's 100% worthy. I was surprised, but could completely relate to her feelings of inadequacy; throughout my life I have often been afraid that I'll be "found out," that my lack of knowledge or intelligence will be discovered, or that eventually, my "good luck" will end. It seems to me that no matter what their status, many other women feel the same way.  

When I first heard of Impostor Syndrome about 10 years ago, I was relieved to finally have a term to describe the way that I—and many women around me—often feel. I have since spoken to a number of successful, powerful, inspiring individuals who feel the same way that I do (and that my student does); "I’m not good enough," "I’m not smart enough," "I’m a fraud and I don’t deserve all that I have (or have achieved)", "I got here from sheer luck and/or hard work." 

As I listened to Sheryl Sandberg’s TED talk late last week, it got me thinking about the common incidence of Impostor Syndrome among women. Although she doesn’t mention this syndrome by name in this speech, she does speak about the difference between men and women when it comes to success, and what she's learned from speaking with a number of women in high-power roles. 

When female leaders are asked how they got to where they are today, they often attribute their success to a great team, luck, support from their friends and families, and/or hard work. When men are asked the same thing, they often credit themselves or a belief that they deserve it due to their intelligence or abilities. The majority of women tend to shy away from asking for promotions or applying to senior level positions early-on in their careers, as they feel that they need to learn more or get more experience before doing so, while men tend to jump at any chance to climb the ladder, regardless of their years of experience or job readiness.

In my own life, I’ve struggled with similar issues (although not in the same corporate leadership sense). As an artist, I’ve always felt inferior; I feel I was not born with a gift (I know artists who are, and am very aware of the differences between those gifted artists and myself!), but instead, feel that I was born with a love of art and an urge to create. So, I’ve taught myself to be a better artist, I have learned as much as I can, and have worked really hard to achieve and set myself apart despite my inadequacies. 

Similarly, as a yoga teacher, I constantly worry that I’ll be asked a question that I can’t answer (even though it actually happens all the time and is totally fine!). I worry that my huge lack of knowledge when it comes to yogic philosophy or anatomy--despite my many hours spent in training on these subjects--will become apparent soon enough, and that eventually, I’ll lose all credibility.  

Both of these examples from my own life come from a deep-seated worry that is rooted in many years of low self-esteem and feeling like an impostor in many different areas of knowledge, and I believe it will take many more years of svadhyaya (self-study) to get to the bottom of it.

Whether you, too, struggle with Impostor Syndrome or not, I’m willing to bet that you can relate to this feeling in some way--that you’ve experienced feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and/or moments of wondering whether or not you're equipped to handle all of the responsibility that you've been given in your life. I'm also willing to bet that you've had moments where you feel that you're not worthy, or where you discredit your intelligence, skill, or good life choices for the achievements in your life, and instead attribute them to forces outside of yourself. 

So, here’s what I’m wondering; why do women, in particular, struggle with Impostor Syndrome so much? When are we going to give ourselves credit for what we’ve done, what we've achieved, what we've learned? When will we be able to accept that we’ll never know everything we think we "should" know, but that that's okay, because life is a constant learning and growing process? Intellectually and realistically, we know we're not impostors, so why do we feel like an impostor so often?

This week I’m working on taking ownership of my abilities and taking credit for all of my hard work. I'm focusing on believing in myself and in my gifts, and learning to find the beauty in who I am, as I am--and not in my ability to get sh*t done--which is definitely a skill I've mastered ;) 

I hope that you'll join me in this pursuit to kick Impostor Syndrome to the curb!