Over the weekend, Ben and I had a long discussion about how we define success, and why. As I thought more about this subject, I realized that the way that we personally think about success often dictates many of the decisions that we make in our daily life--whether or not we even realized that we have a personal definition of the word. For most of us, even if it isn't something that we'd admit, success means "having it all" (although last summer, we learned that usually, we women still can't have it all)--living a glamorous life where we can do anything we want and go anywhere we want, while working a great job, having a family and a perfect relationship with the partner of our dreams, and still having the time to exercise, cook dinner every night, sleep 8-hours, and pursue our passions. Sounds fabulous and successful, right? Thinking about this made me realize that over the past 5 years or so (and even in the past couple of months!), my personal definition of success has been constantly changing and evolving. For example: My definition of success...
Although my definition of success is constantly changing and I'm sure I could break it down into a monthly or even a weekly definition (and each one would be different!), one thing is definitely for sure--my definition has changed a lot recently (thank you, therapy!), and I have a newfound focus on my intention for how I want to live my life, as opposed to what I want to achieve. [And yes, it sounds much easier in theory than it is in practice.]
I've realized that for me, time is much more important than money, and as I was reminded when I read this article yesterday (great read!), the more time you have, the less money you need in order to pay for convenience and happiness. When you have more free time, what you do with your time makes you happy enough that you don't need to be constantly buying new things to bring you joy (genius!). I also have to point out that when we discussed it this past weekend, Ben's male perspective of this subject was very interesting to me. For him, success has always been related to having a "good," impressive job, and being the breadwinner. It means being a professional and carrying yourself as one, because that's what real men should do. For this reason, he's made choices that he may not have made otherwise, especially if he was solely focused on what he loves spending his time doing, and not what he should be doing in order to be considered a success. In a way, I think that no matter what your personal definition of success, we've all been driven by a lot of internal and external shoulds, and not enough what-ifs. "I should keep this stable job working for the government, even if it doesn't excite me at all," instead of, "What if I quit this boring job and take a chance at making it as a freelance writer, or go back to school, or do a yoga teacher training?" As my personal definition of success changes, I'm going to continue to tweak my lifestyle in order to live a life that I feel is "successful." For now, that continues to mean saying no, weighing everything that I spend my time doing, and protecting the "free" time in my life so that I can spend that time taking care of myself, nurturing my relationships, and answering my creative urges. It's a constant struggle, but I believe that it's one that is very worth the effort. Your turn: How do you define success today? How did you define it 5 years ago? How has society's definition of success influenced the choices that you've made in your own life? It's a topic worth thinking about, as it may help us all get to the root of our shoulds and open up a new world of what-ifs... Namaste! Mary Catherine 4/22/2013 11:37:47 pm
Great post- I'm right there with you, watching my goals & definition of success change rapidly over the last few years. I'm slowly letting go of the middle column type of things & moving to the right column type of things.
Mary Catherine
4/23/2013 12:25:28 am
Kudos! It's tough, isn't it? But oh, so important....
This is so crazy that you wrote this blog! I had a similar conversation with my hubby this weekend after visiting a mall for the first time in months. I remember thinking when I was in college that I would know when I ‘made it’ in life when I could afford a Louis Vuitton purse and drive an Infiniti (J30 for my namesake ;) But walking around the mall with all of the ‘stuff’ on display made me realize that I didn’t want/need anything they had to offer. I’m perfectly content in my life with all of my basic needs being met and a little extra left over to travel once and awhile.
Mary Catherine
4/23/2013 01:32:32 am
Thanks for your comment, Jeanette! So glad to hear that you've had a similar realization recently (the way that you put it is beautiful). Here's another version of the link--not sure why it didn't work for you? http://www.raptitude.com/2010/07/your-lifestyle-has-already-been-designed/ WOW. i feel like you read my mind here... my sad confession, five years ago, i thought success was seeing my son go to kindergarten, so that he would be more independent, and i would have more time to myself. i admit, i still love time to myself, but i realize now that the years are fleeting (even if the days can be long!) - and savoring the present is one of the ways i define success now. :)
Mary Catherine
4/26/2013 09:56:11 pm
That's beautiful, Kelly. Thanks for sharing :) Comments are closed.
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HELLO!I'm Mary Catherine, a Cape Cod-based yoga teacher, painter, designer, writer, mom, and list-maker extraordinaire. My goal is to inspire you to start living a more creative, simple, joyful, + purposeful life.
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