Tuesday Truth: Defining Success

Over the weekend, Ben and I had a long discussion about how we define success, and why. As I thought more about this subject, I realized that the way that we personally think about success often dictates many of the decisions that we make in our daily life--whether or not we even realized that we have a personal definition of the word. 

For most of us, even if it isn't something that we'd admit, success means "having it all" (although last summer, we learned that usually, we women still can't have it all)--living a glamorous life where we can do anything we want and go anywhere we want, while working a great job, having a family and a perfect relationship with the partner of our dreams, and still having the time to exercise, cook dinner every night, sleep 8-hours, and pursue our passions. Sounds fabulous and successful, right? 

Thinking about this made me realize that over the past 5 years or so (and even in the past couple of months!), my personal definition of success has been constantly changing and evolving. For example:

My definition of success...

5 Years Ago:
-Important and swanky job in advertising in NYC
-Making enough money to support living in Manhattan and not having to worry about rent or a night out
-Managing lots of other people and being "in charge" at work
-Climbing the ladder
-Being extremely busy and stressed
-Still having time to paint, socialize, exercise, and pursue my other dreams
-Having a life that looks fun and glamorous on Facebook (brutal honesty here)

2 Years Ago:
-"Making it" as a yoga teacher, artist, Studio Director, and blogger
-Pursuing tons of different avenues and finding a way to excel in all of those various pursuits
-Selling lots of paintings
-Getting married and having the "perfect" wedding and "perfect" marriage
-Being extremely busy, only now being busy doing things I love, not things I don't love (working in an office)
-Still having time to socialize, exercise, and pursue my many other dreams

Now:
-Having time to relax, unwind, and be with those I love
-Building a life that supports my need to create
-Sharing the power of yoga with others and creating meaningful connections with others
-Making enough to get by, but not more than we/I need
-Eventually, having kids and being a mother who is around a lot but also has a life outside of her children
-Making time for me
-Slowing down

Although my definition of success is constantly changing and I'm sure I could break it down into a monthly or even a weekly definition (and each one would be different!), one thing is definitely for sure--my definition has changed a lot recently (thank you, therapy!), and I have a newfound focus on my intention for how I want to live my life, as opposed to what I want to achieve. [And yes, it sounds much easier in theory than it is in practice.] 

I've realized that for me, time is much more important than money, and as I was reminded when I read this article yesterday (great read!), the more time you have, the less money you need in order to pay for convenience and happiness. When you have more free time, what you do with your time makes you happy enough that you don't need to be constantly buying new things to bring you joy (genius!).

I also have to point out that when we discussed it this past weekend, Ben's male perspective of this subject was very interesting to me. For him, success has always been related to having a "good," impressive job, and being the breadwinner. It means being a professional and carrying yourself as one, because that's what real men should do. For this reason, he's made choices that he may not have made otherwise, especially if he was solely focused on what he loves spending his time doing, and not what he should be doing in order to be considered a success. 

In a way, I think that no matter what your personal definition of success, we've all been driven by a lot of internal and external shoulds, and not enough what-ifs. "I should keep this stable job working for the government, even if it doesn't excite me at all," instead of, "What if I quit this boring job and take a chance at making it as a freelance writer, or go back to school, or do a yoga teacher training?"

As my personal definition of success changes, I'm going to continue to tweak my lifestyle in order to live a life that I feel is  "successful." For now, that continues to mean saying no, weighing everything that I spend my time doing, and protecting the "free" time in my life so that I can spend that time taking care of myself, nurturing my relationships, and answering my creative urges. It's a constant struggle, but I believe that it's one that is very worth the effort.

Your turn: How do you define success today? How did you define it 5 years ago? How has society's definition of success influenced the choices that you've made in your own life? 

It's a topic worth thinking about, as it may help us all get to the root of our shoulds and open up a new world of what-ifs... 

Namaste!
Mary Catherine