The Thigh Gap Conversation Isn't New [and It's Gotten *Really* Old]

I don't usually blog about "current events" or internet trends, because that's not really what this blog is about. I'm not up-to-date enough, I'm not a journalist, and I don't like controversy, so I just try to stay away from most hot topics.

But thigh gap, I'm comin' for ya. I just have to.

I know that my readers are mostly women, and therefore I believe that most people reading this post already know what "thigh gap" is, but if you don't, let me (er, Wikipedia) spell it out for you: 

"A thigh gap is a space between the inner thighs of women when standing upright with knees touching. A thigh gap has become an aspect of physical attractiveness that has been associated with fragility and femininity. In the United States, it has been reported that among teenage girls, a gap has become a beauty ideal."

Got that? If you'd like an example, here's a crazy Target photoshop FAIL that shows it quite nicely. 

So, just to be clear, it's not 'enough' to be thin, fit, or have a flat stomach--now you also need to have a round, perfectly sculpted Kim K. booty, slightly buff arms, big boobs, AND a thigh gap. 

Even Beyonce (bow down!) is suspected of photoshopping a thigh gap into multiple social media posts--despite being a role model for big butts and thighs everywhere--and it's just heartbreaking (examples here). 

But guess what, internet? Thigh gap isn't a new concept, it's just a new term for what self-conscious, body-image-challenged girls everywhere have known forever--if you look close enough and obsess long enough, you can find something wrong with almost every single part of your body.

I have a tiny mole on my right foot that I remember hating and hiding from people as far back as 5th grade. 5th grade! I was already learning how to be ashamed of my body at age 10. 

When I was in high school, a friend (who, when looking back, I believe had a mild--if not extreme--eating disorder), told me that she had a test for whether or not she was letting herself get too big [She was TINY]: She said, "If I'm in the shower and I can feel my inner thighs touch, I know I need to cut back on what I'm eating." 

I remember this moment so vividly, because it really struck me. I was already in the throes of an eating disorder and dealing with total body hatred at the time, and my thighs had always been my most-detested part of my body. 

But for some reason, the "thigh gap" concept (Because as I'm sure you understand, that's what she was talking about, even though she didn't have a name for it at the time) had never entered my mind. It was a new area for me to focus on! And even with eating issues and a compulsive exercise habit, I didn't have a thigh gap, because that's not how my body is made. 

[I should pause here to mention that no matter how skinny, some body shapes will never have a thigh gap because tendon length, pelvic structure, and overall body type determine whether or not you have a thigh gap. Read more about this here.]

So, my point is that teenage girls, young girls, and really, women of every age, will always find something to hate about themselves until we (each of us, as individuals) learn how to love ourselves just as we are. 

I know, this sounds like total new-age babble bullsh*t and the exact thing that your mom told you in high school, but I've come to learn that it really is true. 

We've tried to change the ideal with "Strong is the New Skinny" (I have the tank top!) and by using examples of curvier celebrities to say that stick thin is "out." And yes, I guess that Kim Kardashian's curves are a slightly better role model for teens than Kate Moss' body type was, but the deeper issue--deeper than any photoshopping or mainstream media influence--is the feeling that we're not enough; Good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough, hard-working enough, funny enough, whatever. 

From my point of view, that seems to be the epidemic that is plaguing us women. And the body hatred and thigh gap obsessions? They're just symptoms of this 'Not Enough' disease. 

So, we can keep having the same conversations about old body obsessions, albeit with catchier, viral/internet-worthy names, or we can start talking about the real issues: Why we don't think we're enough and why we we're always focused on becoming the much better, 4.0, newest, shiniest versions of ourselves. 

What do you think? I know that personally, I didn't get over my eating disorder and body hatred because I "embraced a new ideal," tuned out the media, and learned to find my body beautiful, touching thighs* and all (!).

I moved on because I learned, through therapy, yoga, and a healthy relationship with a partner who loves me as I am, that whether or not I am "perfect," I am enough.

And on good days, I really do believe that.  

In closing, here's what thigh gaps looked like in 1945. And Marilyn Monroe's thighs! Because you can never have a conversation about body types/modern body image issues without invoking Marilyn ;) 

*To be clear, my thighs don't always touch. I do have a thigh gap when I do this pose. And this one.