Starr Struck Radio, Episode 4: Are We Ready to Have Kids?

2/3/2015

I have to admit that I'm a little bit nervous about this week's episode of Starr Struck Radio. It gets real, y'all.

It's about a subject that I've touched on here before [in my "On Being a Woman of Child Bearing Age" post], but we go further with it, and this time you hear from both me and my husband, Ben, about the topic. Eek.

Here's the episode description:

In this week’s episode, we delve into a rather personal subject and discuss some of the issues that we're facing in making the decision when to have kids (or, when to begin exploring this process).

We wanted to let our listeners in on this intimate conversation in order to share what it’s like to be a couple in the child bearing/child-rearing age group--who knows that they want to have kids--but who still isn't sure when they want to start down this road.

Our hope is that this episode sheds some light on some of the issues that can come up for individual couples when making this BIG life decision, and how careers, age, finances, and time management/scheduling can come into play when pondering this topic.

You can listen to the show below OR by downloading and/or subscribing in iTunes (*there is another podcast called "Starr Struck," so be sure you search "Starr Struck Radio" if you're searching for it).

LISTEN AND SUBSCRIBE IN ITUNES HERE

If you have any questions about how to listen to the podcast, visit my recently created Podcast FAQs page.

As always, thanks for listening and for ALL of your support with this [sometimes scary] new venture!

Image via Christoph Lehmann on Flickr Creative Commons.

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Kenna W. link

2/3/2015 10:01:15 am

Wow -- thank you for sharing a conversation on something so personal. We are in the total same place, with all the same pros and cons, almost nearly word for word. Except I DO coo over babies, but being pregnant sounds awful. And labor, eek! And then everything else! ahhhh! I actually wouldn't mind a baby, but toddlerhood through age 18 doesn't sound so fun.
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But the other age thing I have taken into some consideration is that I don't want to be an older parent. Definitely no offense toward older parents -- I like them, but I personally don't want to be the 45 y/old dealing with 32y/olds who are my kid's friend's parents. And I don't want to be 55 when my kid graduates college. But maybe that keeps you younger? My (comparatively younger) parents were able to hike the Grand Canyon with all of my siblings as adults, which was amazing. 5-8 years later I'm not sure they would be able to do the same physically challenging things.
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Similarly in thinking about getting old, another reason to have kids would be to have someone to take care of you when you are in old age.
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But adding a baby to the current mix of real life and thinking about the immense lifelong responsibility has me/us totally overwhelmed and frozen on that path.
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Side note - I feel like the pressure is worse in the south. I have high school/college friends with 4+ kids already!

Mary Catherine

2/3/2015 07:58:09 pm

You bring up so many great points, Kenna! Yes, the pressure is worse in the South for sure--same here with people from GA and KY.

And yes, I agree that the concept of being an "older parent" is also something to think about, as you bring up. For some it's not an issue, but for others, it is (as we say in the podcast, this is all so personal!), so it's something to take into consideration!

SOOOO many things to ponder.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and listening! It means so much to us to hear from others in the same boat :)

xoxo!

Paula link

2/3/2015 11:07:43 am

Hey Mary Catherine, I met you at one of Kimberly's retreats in West Virginia! I've been enjoying your podcasts and getting more acquainted with your website & art.

I'm loving the parallels in our lives as so much of what you & Ben are talking about is relatable to my husband, Scott, & I. We have been together for over 5 years, are married, adopted our first fur baby Luna, and bought our first house about a year ago. He works a typical 9-5 job and I (somewhat) work for myself in a private practice as a licensed clinical social worker. Listening to & reading about new home-owner adventures & the thought of when to have kids are two things that have been the subject of many recent conversations for us. I appreciate your candor in how you & Ben are experiencing these both & any insight that the two of you have.

Our major concerns are finances, careers, & age (for me - I'm 30 as well!). Knowing that I don't make money if I don't work and am not in a position to be on a paid maternity leave definitely makes it more of a challenge. We want to wait until Scott is a bit more secure in his career so that he can support us as comfortably as possible through that time, but (it's a big BUT) I will be 31 in June and am nervous about our chances of getting pregnant & the ultimate health of the baby & I the longer that we wait.

We're also caught in this weird in between where we have single friends and couple friends with children, but not any couples local to us that are married without kids. We can relate to the point of identity that Ben brought up - how changing your family status can change the dynamics in your relationships with friends (whether positive or not).

Thanks again for bringing up a great topic! Looking forward to hearing more :)

2/3/2015 08:01:27 pm

Hi Paula! Thanks for listening and reconnecting! I remember you ;)

Wow--does sound like we're in VERY similar situations! And it sounds like you're being thoughtful about how you approach this decision/timing, as well, but it sure is hard to figure out, isn't it?

Good luck as you continue on this journey--look for some episodes with new(er) moms in the next couple of months!

xoxo
MC

lindsay

2/24/2015 02:13:28 am

Hi, just discovered your podcast & blog via the New & Noteworthy section on iTunes. I'm an audio producer and working on launching two different podcasts right now - a science podcast for kids, which I co-host with my husband, and a sort of self-help at work category type thing hosted by my coworkers. So your podcast is kind of at the Venn diagram cross-section of what I'm thinking about.

Had to comment on this episode - it's really interesting to be able to listen in to such a personal conversation between you and your husband. You guys sound like you have a very loving dynamic and are very rational - you will be totally fine! I understand the work and financial concerns you have. But the joy of having a child with the person that you love is so incredible, it overshadows all the logistical changes you have to make to your life. My husband and I were happy before our son (now 1) was born, and somehow our love for him has made us even happier. Every day, we are both so excited to come home to him, spend time with him, and watch him grow. It has shifted the dynamic to an even richer experience in our relationship, and now our family.

I'm well aware that not everyone's experience is like this - we have an easy baby and I did not have post-partum complications. But a solid relationship is such a great place to start cultivating happiness with a baby in your life.

2/24/2015 10:33:09 am

Thank you for this beautiful advice, Lindsay! Such kind, wise words--I really appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts (and listen to the podcast!).

Good luck on your podcasts and def keep me posted so I can tune in once they're launched! xoxo

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