Oversharing, TMI, + Vulnerability Hangovers in the Digital Age

We learn how to share from the moment we start interacting with others. We're taught that "sharing is caring," that sharing is a way to make friends, and as women, we're taught that by sharing our stories and experiences with others, we're able to more deeply connect with new people and create lasting relationships.

As a blogger, you quickly learn that the more vulnerable you are, the more your writing will resonate and the more of an impact you'll make on your audience. As a yoga teacher, you're told that authenticity is the most direct way to reach your students. As a person, Brene Brown tells us that "vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity." And who doesn't want those things in his or her life? 

As someone who lives for these things, vulnerability sounds like the right choice to me. So, I've continually tried to open myself up on the blog, on my podcast, and in my yoga classes over the years. I share posts and stories that are less-than-flattering or could definitely invite judgment. I try to share the ups-and-downs of life and when it makes sense, tell the truth about what's going on in my world. 

But sometimes I get sick of hearing myself talk. I get sick of my stories and sick of being open and I want to shut down. I take a break from personal essays and instead, share art (which still makes me feel vulnerable, just a bit less so), or other people's stories, or informational posts that don't leave me feeling as drained. 

​Over the past year, I've felt a shift on the blog and I think it has to do with starting the podcast. All of the sudden, I had another outlet for vulnerability and for sharing (or, depending on how you see it, oversharing). Anyone and everyone can tune in each week and hear me and my husband talk about our marriage, the silly incidents of our daily life, and our frustrations and issues--and people can now peek into my world and view my relationship and partner in a way that they couldn't before--albiet in an edited format. 

Because of this, I've had a bit of a vulnerability hangover all year, and I'm just now realizing it. A 'vulnerability hangover' can be a good thing, and according to Brene Brown, it is, because it means you're putting yourself out there and making yourself vulnerable; but I think there's a very fine line between being vulnerable and oversharing, and in our social media-riddled culture, it can be hard to identify which category you fall into. 

I'm not talking about the obvious kind of oversharing, like the person you have to "hide" on your newsfeed because he won't stop sharing every tiny detail of his nasty divorce, or because she posts long diatribes every morning about the past few hours with her newborn. I'm talking about the oversharing that isn't as clear: Where do you draw the line? How far is too far? When have you given too much of yourself? What is vulnerability--the good kind of openness and sharing--and what is TMI?

[A sidenote about TMI: Lena Dunham says that the phrase "TMI" is sexist because it's mostly used in a catty way to put down women when they share what someone thinks is too much information. She says when men open up people call it "bravery," and when women open up, people call it "TMI." I think this is a very interesting perspective.]  

So, how can you tell when you've shared too much? Is it when you're sick of hearing yourself talk (or write)? When you have no more energy for telling your story? When you feel you've shared everything there is to share? When you feel that you're being judged negatively for putting your story out there? It's hard to figure out where the line is...you start to think, Maybe I am one of those obvious oversharers and I just don't know it!?

Last week, I was interviewed on a BCC show focused on making lists. It hasn't aired yet (I'll be sure to share when it does, hehe), and after I got off of the phone, I started worrying about what I'd said.

It was nothing new, just the same stories that I shared on my personal podcast all about to-do lists, but suddenly, I felt really nervous about what I'd said. On my podcast, the people listening have context; they know me--even if only through my blog or from listening to past episodes of the show--and they know that while I may sound a bit insane when talking about all of my lists in that episode, I'm not actually insane, I'm just an anxious, Type-A person. But the British listeners, what would they think? Probably [definitely]: insane person.

After thinking more about this, I've come to to the conclusion that for me, what's changed in the last year is that now people have heard me sharing my vulnerabilities in my own voice. Blogging is curated, it's very edited, and I can write a post and then go back and rework every single word if I want to--until I think what I'm saying is exactly what I'm trying to say. Sure, people will read it however they want and reflect their own experiences back onto my words, but I have control over the words I put down. 

With podcasting, Ben is involved (read: loose cannon, ha!), I don't have a script, and although yes, I can edit, editing isn't as easy as it is with a blog post and when something is said in my actual voice in a recording that lives on forever, it feels different. 

So, I guess what I'm saying is that I've been dealing with a vulnerability hangover lately, and that's why I've pulled back a bit with the personal essays here on the blog. The podcast is still rolling out tons of vulnerable content (see: last week's episode on therapy and tomorrow's episode on guilt), but when I sit down to write a new post, or when I go onto social media these days, I've had a hard time continuing to talk about my experience.

Frankly, I'm just a bit sick of myself. I hope you understand and promise I'll do my best to get back to sharing more personal stories here on the blog as soon as I'm up to it, but for now, I'm just feeling used up in that department. 

Do you relate at all? Do you get sick of sharing and being vulnerable, too? Or are you the opposite--do you need a little more vulnerability in your life? I think that grappling with these feelings is just a part of living life online, but it's still new enough that I know I'm going to need more time to figure it all out... 

Thanks for continuing to read this blog and for giving me a place to share these emotions and get all of this sorted ;) 

PS. I feel weird not saying anything about all of the horrible violence that's taken place in the world over the past couple of days (and all of the discussion that these recent acts of terrorism have brought up). However, I like to stay away from current events and my opinion on current events on this blog because that's not my intention for this space.

That being said, all of these horrific tragedies have made a huge impact on me and I'm thinking of all of the victims of this recent violence + their families. My heart is hurting for our world right now. If/when I have something to say that I feel is worth adding to this conversation and/or hasn't been said in a way I would like to say it, I will certainly speak up.