On Perfectionism

By letting go, it all gets done. -Tao Te Ching

It's inevitable that at any corporate job interview, the interviewer will ask a question along the lines of, "What's your biggest weakness?" I've been asked this question many times, and the answer is always the same--as we've all been coached over the years, the "correct" answer to this question should be something that sounds like a negative but is actually a positive; "Sometimes I work too hard and don't take enough time for myself," "My attention to detail can often slow me down," "I'm a perfectionist."  Somewhere along the line, many of us were taught that being a perfectionist, while sometimes disguised as a negative trait, is actually a very positive one--and we all bought into it.

I've been a perfectionist my entire life. As a child, I spent hours creating the "perfect" fairy house in our backyard, or creating elaborate drawings in which every line was just right. I used to think it was a good thing, as it ensured that I got good grades, was successful, worked hard, never quit, and wouldn't settle. But then, somewhere along the way, I realized it wasn't so good. I realized that my perfectionism was  something that often held me back--that was, at times, debilitating--and not a positive trait at all. 

In adolescence, my perfectionism caused me to obsess over my body and my appearance to the point where I became unhealthy. When working on projects, it caused me to go way overboard, staying up late, spending many hours more than necessary in order to make the "best" poster or create the "perfect" piece of art (as my dad would say, "You passed an A+ hours ago").

In college, I studied like a fiend, started papers weeks before the due date, beat myself up when I wasn't working hard enough, and partied too much, because it was one of the only ways that I could get out of my perfectionistic head (not that I didn't adore EVERY moment of college, because I did, but looking back, I know that I didn't always make the best decisions...). 

Over the past couple of months, as I've been going to therapy again (a part of my decision to make some big changes in my life in order to learn how to relax), I've started revisiting my perfectionistic tendencies. Why do I always need to re-read every quick, insignificant email to change the sentence structure so it sounds more grammatically correct? Why do I need to obsess over my paintings (or even start over) and put myself down in my head when they don't go as planned? Where do these perfectionistic tendencies come from? I'm still working on answering these questions for myself, as I think the answers are complicated and very individualized.

As I look at this topic in my own life, I've noticed something interesting. The one place where my perfectionism doesn't come into play (anymore) is in my yoga practice. My practice--and my teaching--is one of the few parts of my life where I feel completely okay with being imperfect, and it feels wonderful. I'm thinking that this is probably why I love it so much ;) 

For those of you who are fellow perfectionists, think about it: What activity, passion, or hobby is your non-perfect interest? Where do you let yourself just be? I think it's important to think about this, begin to unpack the whys and the hows, and then begin to make more space for this activity. The hope is that, overtime, it will teach you that the world keeps spinning when things aren't perfect--life goes on, and everything is still okay.

So join me, fellow perfectionists, in stopping the glorification of "perfect" and changing this conversation for us all. 

I hope your Monday is beautifully imperfect :)