We just spent our third weekend in a row working on our new house. I'm exhausted, I woke up with neck pain like I haven't had in months, my hands are dry and cracking around the cuticles, and I'm confused, because on Pinterest and A Beautiful Mess they make home improvement projects look so glamorous and easy!? Right. Since we closed on January 15th, we've spent every spare, waking weekend hour at our new house, preparing it for our move-in date at the end of February. Before we'd gotten in there and started painting, we would tell people, "We're not moving in yet, because we want to paint all of the walls and do a bit of work on it first, so we're going to paint the whole house and then move in after." Right. We, two people who had never done ANY home improvement projects in our lives, were just going to paint the whole house--remove a little wallpaper, patch up a few nail holes, ya know--and in one month's worth of weekends, would be ready to move in. Ha! How foolish we were! As I explained in our "Challenges of Buying a Home" podcast, we have no idea what we're doing, so we're having to teach ourselves everything as we go along. Don't get me wrong, we're having fun and it feels good to do everything ourselves, but wow, things are moving sloooooooooowly. In 3 full weekends (minus the time spent teaching yoga, buying groceries, and eating meals), we've only done the following:
Although yes, this is a lot when I look at it and think about how much work has gone into it, it also leaves a TON to be done before we move on February 22nd. We haven't painted any of the main rooms, we haven't removed the wallpaper in the upstairs bathroom (I hate wallpaper! Ahhhhhhh!), we haven't replaced any of the light fixtures yet, etc., etc., etc., I could go on forever. But this post isn't about just listing all of my home-improvement to-dos and telling you how overwhelmed we are [although we are overwhelmed], it's about how we're handling that overwhelm, and how we could do a better job at dealing with our stress. Letting go of expectations is challenging, but it's a big part of life. Most projects take much longer than you think they will, and in the case of big projects, like buying a house and re-working it room by room, what you think will be a quick paint job turns into rebuilding a wall--pulling out appliances, cutting wires, and patching up holes (in the case of our kitchen). We're in love with our new house, we're crazy excited about living there, we're SO ready to move in, but we're also super stressed about wanting it to be perfect, RIGHT NOW. This urge is not a healthy one, and we both know it's not possible and we'll only get done what we can get done, but we're each handling the acceptance of this realization in our own way, mostly by obsessing about the small things that we think will make a big difference [but actually won't]. Last night, as I spent way too much time trying to decide which shower curtain to buy for our downstairs bathroom, Ben was doing something similar by looking into fireplace screens and researching installing a flagpole (SO not a priority in my book!?). After scrolling through literally hundreds of shower curtains and putting about 10 into my carts on various sites, I got so overwhelmed that I gave up and went to bed. It felt like the whole world was resting on this shower curtain purchase, and I couldn't take the pressure so I just gave up. Then, when I woke up this morning, one of the first things that Ben said to me, after "Good morning," was, "We've gotta get that shower curtain today, it's clutch." Um, is it? Is it imperative that we get a shower curtain for our downstairs bathroom today? Three weeks before we move in? And even though there's already a plain shower curtain in there and we have two in our current house that work just fine? Is this really life or death!?!?!? No, if it's not already obvious to you, it's not. No shower curtain is the answer to our anxieties over wanting our house to be perfect, and until we can really accept that this is going to be a slow, life-long process, we'll just keep spinning our wheels looking for the one thing that will make everything better. I know how this works, I've been here many times before, and yet, I still find myself getting caught up in the need for perfection and the external search for that thing, or those things, that will assuage the stress for a little while, until the next thing comes up [a new TV stand!]. How about a little patience, Ben and Mary Catherine? How about you practice what you preach and focus instead on being present, enjoying the experience of working together on your first house, and on having fun as you move through the process at your own pace? How about you stop all the searching and instead, just live your life? Oh, wouldn't that be wonderful. [And you know what else would be wonderful? If Google and Facebook would stop their creepy cyber-stalking, so that every website I visit wouldn't show me shower curtains in the ads on the sidebar...NOT HELPING, GOOGLE!!!] So here's my ultimate question and focus for the week ahead: Can we pause the search long enough to realize how pointless it is in the first place? Can we have fun picking out a shower curtain and remember that in the end, it doesn't matter one iota? I don't want to spend my life obsessing over shower curtains, just like I don't want to spend it stressed about that email I haven't answered, or the fact that Ben really wants to install a flagpole in our front yard (WTF!?!). It all comes back to being mindful. What do you think, can we work together to try and stop the search? PS. I thought you'd find it funny that on my blog editorial calendar, I had today marked down as a "New House Update!" post. When I wrote that a few weeks ago, I was thinking that by this time, 3 weeks in, I'd have tons of fun before + after pics to share with you. So niave, that version of me!
Farah
2/1/2015 10:13:06 pm
We've been in our new home for a little over a month and while we don't have any major home improvement projects in store (just a lot of furniture buying to do), I can identify with the need to get everything perfect. I've been telling myself "we have nothing but time!" Time to get it the way we like it (and even then it will probably change as we introduce more family changes into the equation). I still stress a little, but repeating that to myself takes a lot of pressure off to getting it perfect right now. Good luck with your DIY and congrats on the new home! :)
Mary Catherine
2/2/2015 02:18:01 am
Such great advice, Farah. Thanks. And congrats on your new home! YAY!
Amanda
2/1/2015 11:45:48 pm
We bought our house 3 years ago from the original owners and I felt exactly the same way! My mom kept telling me that it would take time, but I wanted everything finished..yesterday! Her advice was golden: finish the rooms you live in the most and then work your way out from there, but take your time instead of making rash decorating decisions. You're doing a great job, taking breaks will help give you perspective!
Mary Catherine
2/2/2015 02:17:12 am
Genius! I love that advice about rash decorating decisions...so true! Thanks for sharing :)
Gretchen
2/2/2015 03:24:53 am
I'm so sorry to hear how overwhelming this has been! I have to say, I think we are very similar in wanting to have the list of work to be done all written up and DOING IT ALL AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. However, I have been saved many times by being married to someone who is on the other side of this spectrum, and slow to act (lazy?). Because he drags his feet on decisions, home improvements, and other big stuff, I have avoided making costly, not-well-thought-out choices for our home and family. I am better at living in spaces that are not at all what I want them to be. I still see all the things I want fixed or changed, but I can live with it all much more easily.
Mary Catherine
2/2/2015 08:16:24 pm
Gretchen, I love this! What a great point about your husband balancing you out ;) If only Ben weren't the EXACT same as me when it comes to stuff like this! Sigh. But thanks for sharing...I'm def going to have to learn to live with things being "unfinished." xo!
Kristin Terkelsen
2/2/2015 08:39:06 pm
I am laughing and almost crying recalling being in this same place. I am sure if I did it again it would be exactly the same and look a lot like this blog! Good insights. I gave my MIL my favorite shower curtain one Christmas because she so many times said how she loved it. She never buys new pretty things. It ended up in her Florida home as a bed spread (WTF is all I ask repeatedly) which she has not gone to in 3 years! Then I laugh some more every time I stare at the $6 replacement from job lot!
Mary Catherine
2/3/2015 08:02:39 pm
Hysterical, Kristin! I love this story ;) Thank you SO much for sharing it :) xoxo
Jamey
2/4/2015 06:06:23 am
From someone who has owned and lived in three houses, I can tell you this...I have regretted the impulsive decisions I made about something I HAD to have, but I have never regretted taking my time and trusting that even if I lost what I thought was the perfect item through pausing, something better would be around the corner!!!
Mary Catherine
2/5/2015 09:44:28 pm
Thank you for this, Jamey! Such a great reminder. xo
Kira
3/12/2015 03:10:53 am
Hi Mary Catherine! Long time lurker, first time commenter here ;) I can totally relate to this post! I feel like it sums up much of my life haha. I know for me one of the layers of stress in situations such as the shower curtain conundrum is financially related. My husband and I live a comfortable lifestyle but not one where we can afford to be buying a new shower curtain every time I feel like changing it up! Which if I'm being honest, is pretty often since I crave change on the regular ;) I've made the mistake of hurrying to purchase some home decor items before (both big and small) and have later regretted the choice I made. I wish I could just let it go and realize my happiness does not rely on my couch fabric color, but it's much easier said than done!! Part of the equation for me is learning to practice patience and mindfulness. That way I can make more thorough and thought-out decisions that align with my true self. Thanks for sharing this - it's always so reassuring to know I'm not the only one who struggles with this from time to time! Best of luck in your new home ;)
Mary Catherine
3/13/2015 07:50:26 am
Thanks for your FIRST comment, Kira! Honored you took the time to write it (and that you read the blog!) and SO glad that you can relate. Great advice re: not hurrying to make the purchases--everyone keeps telling me that and think that's a sign that I really need to take it to heart! xoxo
Lisa
6/2/2015 01:32:32 pm
I know I'm a little late to the game here but I just had to tell you how much your post meant to me. After a long day of searching for the "perfect" light fixture and fighting with my husband about how much building our new home is costing us, it is just what I needed to read. I too am so easily distracted by everything needing to be perfect and done immediately. It's easy to get caught up in all the little details but I truly need to slow down and realize that it will all get done it time, room by room and I must enjoy the process more. Thanks so much for your post. Lisa
Mary Catherine
6/2/2015 09:11:57 pm
So glad you found this post helpful, Lisa! I've calmed down a bit now, so I hope that you will, too, once you're moved in and life takes over. And yes, ENJOY THE PROCESS! Easier said than done, but so important :) xoxo! Comments are closed.
|
HELLO!I'm Mary Catherine, a Cape Cod-based yoga teacher, painter, designer, writer, mom, and list-maker extraordinaire. My goal is to inspire you to start living a more creative, simple, joyful, + purposeful life.
{Learn more + read my story}
|