Motherhood Monthly: Stopping Breastfeeding.

I breastfed Charlie Mae for the very last time on Sunday, just about 3 weeks shy of her second birthday. Prior to becoming a mother, I had hoped to breastfeed her until she was at least one, but I obviously had no idea what that meant or if breastfeeding would even work for us. 

Clearly, it did.

In fact, I'd say that of all of the possible challenges that a new mother can face, breastfeeding was one of the *very few* that I never had to struggle with. Sure, there were some small hiccups: the bleb (ugh I hate that word!) that made it painful for a few weeks, learning how to get into the "laid-back" position so that she wouldn't choke on my crazy milk flow when she was tiny, etc., but for the most part, it was really smooth. 

To those who struggled with breastfeeding, I hope I don't come across like I'm bragging or think I'm better than anyone else--Charlie Mae put us through the wringer in almost every other way possible in her first 14 months of life, so I feel like I've earned the right to celebrate this one small victory from her early days.

[She also never took a bottle. Ever. So we had no choice but to lean into breastfeeding with everything we had. The no bottle thing was NOT easy). 

And as my friend Jessica so aptly put it (and as I like to quote over and over again), when it comes to parenting, "everybody gets theirs sooner or later." Breastfeeding was just one of the very few things that didn't blow up in my face as soon as I thought I'd gotten the hang of it.

But now we're done. Just like that. 

To be clear, we've been almost done for a while. For the past 6 months-ish, Charlie Mae has only been breastfeeding in the mornings when she wakes up. We eliminated her other feeding (the one before bed) quite a while ago so that other people would be able to put her to sleep [for once in her ENTIRE life], and for a while there has been very little left for her to actually "drink." But, she has loved her "mommy milk" with a vengeance since Day 1 and I never felt the need to stop until recently.

I won't go into all of the reasons that I felt it was time, but suffice it to say, it was. And Charlie Mae has been a rockstar about weaning. I prepared her for the change for the entire week leading up to her last morning of breastfeeding, and I reminded her on the last morning that this was the last time. I took the fuzzy, emotional selfie above in the 6:30am light and gave her lots of kisses on her head while she enjoyed her last few drops of breastmilk. 

I'm tearing up just writing this post about it, but as always, she's taken it like a little champ. 

For me, this is one of the craziest parts of being a mother (and when I say craziest, I mean it literally makes you feel like a crazy person): you can want to be done with a stage or a routine or even an entire week SO badly, and at the exact same time, be heartbroken about that stage or routine or week being over and miss it as soon as it's done. 

In other words, I can cry while thinking about how I'll never breastfeed Charlie Mae again and I can also be simultaneously relieved to be done breastfeeding and to finally have my body back [as much as you can "have" your body when you also have a toddler, haha]. 

Oh, and in case you thought I wasn't going to say it in this post, let me mention (one. more. time.) that motherhood is all of the emotions all of the time forever and ever amen. 

It's love and boredom and excitement and energy and exhaustion and joy and frustration and elation and misery and laughter and tears and anger and courage and perfection and the biggest mess possible all rolled up into a child-sized burrito full of stuffed animals and food and tantrums and kisses. 

Wow, it's something!!

But back to breastfeeding: I just can't believe that this era of my life with Charlie Mae is over and I want to say, right here and now, how grateful I am that this one small part of her early years came so naturally to both of us. We mamas gotta celebrate the small victories, no matter what they are (!!!). 

And maybe now that we're done with breastfeeding, I'll [eventually] spend my first night away from her...and years from now, when she's a teenager, I'll try not to gross her out by telling her how much she loved my boobs when she was a baby...

But I can't make any promises ;)