Motherhood Monthly: How Having a Child Has Made Me MUCH More Present

On Friday, Charlie Mae and I spent approximately 30 minutes playing a game that went something like this:

She would place a plastic frog toy on top of the seat of her scooter. Then, she would use the scooter to pull herself up to standing (on her own, thankyouverymuch mommm) and as she did that, the frog would inevitably fall off of the scooter onto the floor. She would reach for it but not be able to reach it, so she would sit back down on the ground and 'ask' me to get it for her. I would pick it up and hand it to her and the game would begin again. 

While I know this probably sounds super boring and tedious--and in a way, of course, it was a bit boring--it was also this magical 30 minutes in which I was completely present, just down on the floor with my child, playing a simple game and watching her develop and react in real time. 

Before I had a baby, I didn't know what moments like this would feel like. I didn't know that despite having tons of work I "should" be doing, a totally messy house all around us, and errands we could be running, I would still be able to be a part of moments like this and not feel completely stressed out the entire time. Not only did I not feel stressed while sitting on the floor playing this game with Charlie Mae, but I also felt free because it was exactly what I knew I should be doing, no matter what else "needed" to be done. 

In fact, as you probably know if you've been reading this blog for a while, before becoming a mom, I really struggled with finding time to do things that weren't "productive" in some way. I would practically have to schedule my downtime and force myself to just sit around, often feeling slightly anxious while doing so. And while that anxiety definitely does still creep in while I'm playing on the floor with Charlie Mae at times, I also find that WAY more than I expected, it doesn't.

I think the reason that things are so different now is because from the moment that I first laid eyes on her, Charlie Mae became the most important thing in my life. My priorities shifted so swiftly and dramatically that it is still astounding to me when I think about it--and because of that, when I'm spending real quality time with her, getting to know her and watch her and learn with her--it feels like there is truly *nothing* else more important in the entire world that I should be doing. And that's actually a big relief after so many years of self-imposed pressure.

I don't want to make it sound like I'm the perfect parent who never feels the pull of email, social media, or even the dishes when I'm playing with my child (because believe me, I do!!!), but again, it happens way less than I anticipated it would and it feels really good to be so present in a way that I don't think I am able to do in so many other aspects of my life. 

Similarly, Charlie Mae's schedule (ha!) and my desire to help her experience the world around us has led me to experience the world more, too. We get-together more with family, we make plans to go on walks with friends, we go to the beach in the middle of the day on a weekday--all things that I didn't make as much time for before becoming a mom because I was just "too busy."

I've heard people describe kids as "little Buddhas" because they can only live in/conceptualize the current moment, and now that I have a child, I completely understand what they mean by that. It's amazing how much I've learned about being present, thoughtful, and aware from my chubby little Buddha in this first year of her life; I can only hope that her wisdom and ability to live in the here + now will continue to rub off on me as she continues to grow and develop. 

Fellow parents, are you surprised at your kids' ability to anchor you to the present, too?