Motherhood Monthly: Expectations vs. Reality

{Editor's Note: this post was supposed to go up yesterday but I came down with a *horrible* 24-hour stomach bug on Sunday and was flat-out all day yesterday so couldn't make it to my computer. Oh, and in case you were wondering/didn't already know, vomiting while taking care of your baby = the WORST.} ​

---

On Saturday we took Charlie Mae to her first wedding as a toddler. We've had this event on the calendar forever and have been looking forward to it for months. It was Ben's cousin's wedding and it was a huge, fancy, formal, gorgeous event, so it felt like quite the family to-do. 

We got all dressed up--Charlie Mae wore a bow in her hair and a maxi skirt for the first time, I wore heels for the second time in the past year, Ben put on a suit + tie, and off we went. The wedding was amazing and everything was perfect but as I'm *sure* you imagined, my expectations of having a baby at a wedding were WAY off.

Don't get me wrong, I still had a lovely time and am so glad we got to be a part of the festivities, but as usual when it comes to life with a baby, I was shocked by how much more challenging it was to be at a wedding with a baby than I had anticipated.

When thinking about the wedding beforehand, I didn't ponder how hard it would be to carry a child around on your hip while wearing tall heels and a floor-length dress. I didn't think about how challenging it would be to try and hold a glass of wine during cocktail hour while also feeding your child cheese, keeping her happy amidst all of the people (especially the strangers getting in her face and scaring her), and keeping her from grabbing all of the stuff she wants to touch but can't. I didn't anticipate being sad when we had to leave early and therefore missed all of the dancing, the dessert, the family picture, and the late-night fun. I forgot about the fact that I would spend much of the 4 hours that we were there sitting on the floor in the corner, playing with my child in order to keep her happy enough to stick around for a little while longer. 

Again, I want to reiterate that I had a lot of fun at the wedding and loved having Charlie Mae there (I wouldn't have done it differently), but I left feeling that sense of, "Oh yeah, I'm a mom now, and that means that weddings won't be what they once were for a very long time."

At various points throughout the wedding, I looked around and thought about how different my life has become in just a mere 14 months; as I sat on the floor letting Charlie Mae feed me part of her soggy, half-eaten cracker, I jealously watched other attendees noshing on the hors d'oeuvres while having adult conversations.

While reading Charlie Mae a book and trying to steal sips of my wine (only one glass enjoyed right at the beginning of the event so that I could still breastfeed before bed, of course), I eyed the moms of slightly older babies who aren't going through a super-attached phase, as they passed their children around to family members and sipped their drinks without worrying about what time it was or what number drink it was. 

I should be clear, I wasn't feeling sorry for myself or throwing a pity-party in the corner, I was just watching everyone else with a sociologists' eye, remembering how the other half lives, and wondering why I didn't expect this reality at the wedding. I can't just skip around the house without a worry, glass of wine and gourmet mac-n-cheese ball in-hand, so why did I think a wedding would be any different? 

This is the thing that I keep learning--over and over again--about being a parent. My expectations are always wrong. There isn't a vacation from being a parent. Ever. No event, trip, childcare situation, or outfit change can take you out of your parental mindset, your parental role, or your parental duties. I'm not even sure if I would want it to, but I do know that sooner or later, I'd better adjust my expectations so that I don't live the next 20+ years expecting one thing and getting another. 

That being said, Charlie Mae was SO cute in her little outfit! And she had so much fun rolling around on the fancy couch at the wedding! And she loved the gourmet popcorn that was served!

Being a parent is the best. Even if your expectations are always way off and reality is always way more challenging than you anticipated.