Making the Move: 10 Tips for Starting Over in a New Place

As of yesterday, Ben and I have now lived on Cape Cod for 1 full year.

On Saturday and Sunday one year ago, we were driving our little moving van up the East Coast, from Washington, DC, to Harwich, MA, to start over. We were nervous, we had no idea what was in store for us, and although we were excited, I think we were also a little petrified (there was definitely an "OMGGGGGGG, what are we doing?!?!" sitting in the back of my mind).  

Yesterday, we spent the day looking at houses. It was the perfect way to spend our 1-year Cape Cod anniversary, because it means that we've come a long way--we're ready to settle down here and put down roots, and neither of us has a single reservation about making this place our official home. [Reservations about which house to go for, yes, but about living here? No way.] 

The thing about making a big move is that in many ways, it means rebuilding your life. It means finding new local networks, finding all your new places and people and things, and often, it forces you to really take a look at your life and what you want it to look and feel like.

Starting over gives you a chance to get rid of some of the baggage that may have been weighing you down, but it also shoves you (forcefully) out of your comfort zone, which isn't always easy or pleasant. 

So, for my readers out there who may be thinking about making a big move, who may be in the process of a big move, or who may still be settling in after a big move, here are my 10 Tips for Starting Over in a New Place--the things that I did or wish I did in order to make "the big move" as easy as possible: 

1. After moving, get your new place unpacked, organized, and decorated as soon as possible. 
It's hard to get settled when you're living out of boxes or your pictures are in frames leaned up against the floor. It's hard to feel like you're "home" when the rooms aren't organized and you can't find that document you need. Take time to get your place feeling like home right when you move, so that you can focus on starting to really live there. 

2. Get outside and explore where you live. 
Getting to know the area around where you live is an important part of feeling at home. Finding beautiful scenery--local bike paths, parks, hikes through conservation land, beaches (if you're lucky!)--gives you more appreciation for where you live and makes it more your own. After we moved, if I was feeling homesick, I would just go down to the beach near our house and look at the waves. That was all it took for me to feel peaceful and thankful for all of the beauty surrounding me in this new place. 

3. Find a new yoga or fitness community right away.* 
We moved on a Sunday, and on Tuesday, I went to my first class at a Cape Cod yoga studio. I then proceeded to visit a different studio every day of the week for the first 6 or 7 days, so that I could figure out where I felt at home. Yes, part of this was "research" for work (where I wanted to teach), but it was also a chance to find my community. Whether you're a yogi or a CrossFitter or a Zumba aficionado, it's important to find your place right away. Endorphins help with the sadness or negativity over your move, breathing deeply helps with any anxiety about starting over, and seeing new faces and new people who you have something in common with is very comforting.

*Please note that these new communities won't compare to your old one--especially in the beginning. You have to simply mourn your old community and give these communities a chance to be great in a different way. 

4. Make yourself go to events, even if you're more of a homebody.
This one is hard--especially if you're a homebody or semi-introvert, like I am (or as I have become in my old age/as I've settled down with my old man of a husband). BUT, you must get out there and go to events. You can go with your significant other if you have one, you can go with that one person that you know in your new city, or you can go alone (gasp!), but you need to go. Festivals, parties, fundraisers, special yoga classes, work events, etc. Just go, even if you're not in the mood or would rather stay home and drink wine while watching a rom com (my dream). You will be glad you did and over time, this will help you feel like a part of the community. 

5. Be patient about making new friends.
As I've discussed before, making new friends as an adult is hard. Or it can be. It isn't for everyone, but if you're slow to put yourself out there and kind of nervous about going on friend dates, it can take a while. Know that. I've now made three big moves since college, and each time, I've started over with only an acquaintance or two in the city. Each time, it has taken me about 2 years to make really good friends in my new place. I don't say this to discourage you, as I think I take an abnormally long time to get closer to people, but I say it to let you know that it can take time, but it happens. You will make friends in your new home, but maybe not right away. 

6. If you don't have one already, get a pet! 
Hands-down, adopting Sayde was the very best thing that we did to ease the transition from DC to Cape Cod. We didn't think about it this way at the time, but it was, and here's why: She was an instant friend and companion (BFF, really) in our new home, she gave us a new project and new thing to focus on (which kept me from missing my old life all the time), she made us get outside and take lots of walks, forcing us to explore where we live (Tip #2), and she gave us so much love that we didn't feel as isolated/lonely here. If you already have a pet, you're ahead of the game and I promise, he/she will make the move easier ;) 

7. Don't put off finding your doctors, dentist, hair stylist, nail salon, etc. 
Do as I say, not as I did, and try to find all your new people and places soon after you move. Having a chiropractor, a doctor, a dentist, and a stylist makes you feel like you belong, like you're committed to where you live and have resources when you need them. Also, doing this just makes life easier, because then you don't have to spend time finding someone new when you're sick or in dire need of a haircut. Obviously. 

8. Friend people that you meet and 'like'/follow businesses in your new community on social media.
Social media is amazing for helping you to both stay connected to your old community AND get involved in your new community. If you friend that girl that you met in yoga, or that guy who sat next to you at that work event, your feed will start to include pics and updates from your community, and you'll start to learn names and faces, which will help you to feel a part of things. Liking local businesses or public figures will keep you up-to-date on what's happening, which again, will make you feel like you belong. 

9. If you have a significant other, do things without him/her. 
This one is hard for those who are pretty attached to their significant others, but I think it's really important. When you move with someone and you don't know anyone in your new city, you have to be careful not to make your sig other your entire social world. It can be easy to do if you enjoy the same things and enjoy one another's company, but you need to do things without each other in order to make your own friends and branch out. I've made myself do this, even though having Ben next to me makes me feel more comfortable, and it has definitely helped me to feel more independent in this new place. 

10. Commit to where you have moved. 
Think of your move as a new relationship that you're entering into, and give it a real chance. If you don't fully commit--if you're always thinking about your ex or comparing your new boyfriend to your old one--you won't be able to see your new boyfriend's great qualities. If you don't think of this new relationship as one that could possibly end in a real commitment and last forever, then you won't ever get to experience all of the beauty that it has to offer. Jump in and give it a real chance!

I am 100% happy that Ben and I made our big move, and although I was very unsure about what this small "vacation destination" could offer a city-loving girl like myself, I have found it to be exactly what I need at this time in my life.  You never know unless you try, right? So I say, try. 

[You can always move back if things aren't as you hoped!]

Want to learn more about our "Big Move"? Here are a few more posts that give you the complete story:

• The Big Move (Change is the Only Constant)
• The Big Move, Part 2: FAQ's
• Snapshots of our New Home
• Doing What You Love and Loving What You Do (Story about Ben's job transition, which is what brought us to the Cape)
• 1 Month in MA: 10 Things I've Learned from "The Big Move"
  

Readers who have recently made a similar big move, do you have anything to add? Please post to comments if you do!