Life with Two Kids {Thus Far}

Before having my second child 3.5 months ago, I knew that life with two kids would be bananas. But what I didn't yet know or understand was why it would be bananas.

In a general sense, I understood that taking care of a baby and a toddler at the same time would be hard; there would be another person to keep happy and healthy and therefore, mothering would take more time + energy, which would leave less time + energy for everything else.

But what I didn't understand was what this really meant. In practice, it means that there is absolutely NO time left for anything else--unless I am paying someone (or multiple people) to take care of my children.

And during the days and times in which both children are home with me (which is a lot of the time right now), it means that I'm responding to one child's needs while also anticipating the other child's needs EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF THE DAY.

Every. Single. Second. 

It means that when I sit down to nurse Teddy 7-8 times per day, Charlie Mae has either an "urgent" need that only I can fulfill or wants to drape her body over my opposite boob so that she can look into her brother's eyes while he eats [and distract him, which makes feeding way harder...but if I ask her to move I can expect tears and perhaps even a meltdown, which will upset Teddy and therefore make the feeding even harder + longer, so I just allow it].

It also means that every time I need to put Teddy down for a nap (approx. 4 times per day), Charlie Mae wants to come, too. So I have to do the entire routine with her on my heels, trying to keep her quiet and entertained in the darkened room until I rush her out while whispering "shhh" so that she doesn't startle her brother from his sleep-ready state.

It means *finally* getting both kids to bed around 8pm and then having zero--literally ZERO--left to give to anyone else: Ben ("Ugh, don't touch me!"), myself, my work, my friends/family, my unanswered text messages and emails from the day.

It means logistics at every turn: she wants to go to the playground and I am dying to get out of the house. But he needs a nap soon. And she'll need a snack packed and will need to go to the potty and get dressed before we leave, and by the time all of that realistically happens he'll be overtired and the nap will be harder or he'll be crying. So do we stay home and just put him down in his crib and try for an outing after the next nap, or risk it and hope he naps in the carrier at the playground?

The mental calculations are exhausting.

When I get it right, I feel like supermom. When I get it wrong, we're all in tears (or internal tears in my case, because mama needs to hold it together). 

But the other thing I didn't anticipate is how much harder my toddler would become in comparison to my infant. A baby alone? That now feels easy. A toddler alone? Doable. But a baby and a toddler together? The effort-expended is multiplied exponentially. Charlie Mae's toddler impatience and emotional swings get exacerbated by my unavailability and because it's "hard to share a mama," I feel pulled in a million directions while simultaneously failing both of my children at the exact same time. 

Also, Charlie Mae's lifelong preference for Mommy has become more intense than ever and her sleep isn't as steady as it used to be. Her picky eating habits have become stronger, as have her preferences, her boundary-pushing experiments, and her amazingly dramatic personality. She's a force to be reckoned with and also a force to be held and loved and comforted for many of my waking hours. But I still have a baby to care for and love on, too. 

See what I'm getting at? It's just a lot. And I know so many of you have been here before or will come after me so I know I am not alone in these sentiments, but they're new to me and I'm still learning to navigate them as they change on a daily basis. 

But you know what else two children means (and I know you knew this was coming)?

All of the love, laughter, and pure joy multiplied exponentially, too. It's days peppered with moments so beautiful I could explode into one million pieces. It's belly-laughing until I'm crying at something Charlie Mae says and smiling at Teddy so much that my face hurts (this actually happens way more than you'd expect, haha).

It's knowing there is nowhere more important than where I am right now in this moment. It's knowing that when it comes down to it, everything else truly can wait. It's everything we teach in yoga and then some--and to be honest, mothering is my yoga these days.

So to sum things up and as many wise mothers before me have said in as many words, motherhood is all of the emotions all at once, all the time. Just multiply that by two, and that's where I'll be hanging out through the end of 2019.

​Onward, ho! 

PS. I know I've been neglecting the blog since I had Teddy and I'm so sorry about that! However, I've been super regular + active on Instagram so if you want to see TONS of kid/baby/life pics, head on over there :)