As far back as I can remember--at least as far back as elementary school or so--I've been a "hard worker."
Somewhere along the way I decided that I was smart enough, but not as smart as I could be, so I concluded that in order to succeed and stand out in this world, I would need to rely on my ability to work harder than others; I decided that my ability to push past the point of exhaustion and my perfectionistic tendencies would get me where I wanted to go (wherever that was), so I dug my heels in and got to work. And then I worked and worked and worked and worked. Fast forward to now, and my trust and belief in hard work has become a double-edged sword. My drive to keep going almost all day, every day, has helped me get to a point where I'm self-sufficient and living the kind of life that I want to live, but it has also left me feeling that it's never enough (and at many points, pretty depleted and overwhelmed, too). I think this is something that many women of my generation experience. I saw it acutely when I moved to New York after college. I remember having an epiphany one day after getting out of a meeting; The meeting was with with some buyers from a big media company, and it was a meeting made up entirely of smart, hard-working women, just like most of my meetings were in those days. I left this meeting and started thinking about my experiences in the marketing + advertising industry in New York. I thought about my roommate and friends, all of whom were working their asses off, trying to prove themselves in their respective industries, and I realized that young, hard-working women were literally everywhere, and that they were running the city (or as Queen Bey would put it, "Who run the world? Girls."). [Let me be clear, this is not to say that there aren't just as many hard-working men out there, I'm just writing from the female experience.] Similarly, since moving on and into different fields (arguably, more female-centric fields), I've been amazed at all of the hard-working women that I've come across. The ones who stand out to me, those running small, unknown-to-most-of-the-world empires (and I call them that because on a small scale, they are!), are all women who know how to work and work and work and hardly ever stop. They have a never-ending internal drive and I admire them for that. But I also know that this kind of drive is a dangerous, slippery slope. The lives of all of the hard workers that I know are a constant struggle to find balance. We fight the inner battle between wanting to work all the time (because we think that's the only way) and wanting to spend time with loved ones and actually live our lives. We [I] write blog posts about slowing down and enjoying the holiday season, and right after doing so, rush back to work and spend the next 7 days working 12-hour days and attending events in between those hours. Does our need to work harder than others come from some deep, innate need to prove ourselves because we're women? I'm not sure, but I believe it must be a part of the equation. I've had this drive for so long--and since I was so young--that I have no idea where it comes from; All I know is that it's real, and that I'm not the only one who has it. I think that whether or not this internal drive--this need to workworkwork--is a blessing or a curse, is up to the individual who experiences it. It can become the thing that causes you to work your life away, or it can become the thing that helps you create a life that enables you to live the way that you want to live. We have to power to choose which path this drive will take us down, but we have to be aware of this drive before we can work with it. I know that this need to keep going is a part of who I am (and I know it's a part of who many of you are, too), and I think that learning to work with it is the only way to be content. So what does this mean? It means that our real life's work is to continually check-in and try to find balance. To train yourself to stop working when, in the words of my dad (when I used to ask him what he thought of my projects or papers), "You passed A+ hours ago." What do you think, all you hard working ladies out there? If you examine your internal need to keep going, where do you think it comes from? And how can you live your life so that this drive is a blessing, not a curse? Something to ponder as we move towards a new year... i can totally relate! what i've come to realize in all my 'pushing' and taking landmark seminars/meditation practices/healing therapies to get to the root of my trigger for 'pushing' in all areas of life ~ work, diet, etc...is that it's really just a defense mechanism to get away from stopping and just being with myself...there's real work in slowing down and simplifying life...it's taken me a long time to come to that realization...Thank God for yoga and self care practices to keep that balance in check...because workaholism is just manifested in the same way that other 'addictions'/eating disorders etc are...its some need for control...which we know stems from some subconscious fears...kinda crazy when you really think about it, huh?! i'm right there with ya! life is just so fast and we're all just trying to keep up! thank you for writing this!! it's a great awareness to bring about! xo
Mary Catherine
12/8/2014 09:43:41 pm
Great point about this internal drive/push being connected to control and distractions from our real 'stuff,' Kate! Such great thoughts to add to the mix... Seriously?? Sometimes I feel you are writing exactly what I've been trying to put into words. This has been constantly on my mind this past year since my energy isn't where it used to be. I used to be able to work at one business 8+ hours then home to work at least another 3-4 hours. I've been trying to take a step back (even writing an article now about being "selfish") but it's hard! I struggle with being judged or called "lazy" and I don't feel valuable unless I am working! Of course I know this isn't true. My relationships are valuable to me and I can't enjoy them if I'm working all of the time! My hubby and I have always been identified as "the hard workers" and we appreciate how far we've come and what we have but we'd like to enjoy it more and that's what we're working on. I can't be the best wife, coach, daughter, sister, friend, future mom if I am constantly working and depleted. Thanks for sharing!
Mary Catherine
12/8/2014 09:46:18 pm
Glad we're on the same wavelength, Shayna! You bring up such an important topic when you talk about not feeling "valued" unless you're working...I feel the same way sometimes. You've got me thinking... Great thoughts! I encounter this constantly as I continue to grow my photo biz and network with other lady photogs {and biz owners}. Most of the time the people that I meet are like me - type a, driven, wanting to be the best, etc. Sometimes it works for them and sometimes it doesn't. The common denominator is always burnout though. Shooting 30 weddings/year {painting 100 commissions, teaching 300 classes, whatever...} is great for the pocket book but not always for the creative drive and spirit. Finding balance is tough, but it's good to have constant reminders {like this} to keep looking for it. It's there! Thanks for the Monday morning food for thought! Miss you! :)
Mary Catherine
12/8/2014 09:47:57 pm
Yes, burnout!!! So real and such a great thing, if you think about it, because it lets us know when we're doing too much. It forces us to recognize it when I'm not sure if we would otherwise...but it's still not fun. 12/8/2014 08:23:57 am
You got me on this one. I can talk the talk and even give a seminar on self-care and then I am back at the desk pushing:)))) OY! 12/8/2014 07:43:37 pm
Great post MC and you definitely have me thinking on this one. I've definitely considered myself a hard worker. But, I can definitely "feel" the difference between work and my passion. When I'm doing what I love (which lately, is quite often), I can't wait to get out of bed and go at it. I also monitor my energy- if I really feel myself pushing beyond whats comfortable, I stop and take a break. I think the biggest challenge I have is shutting things off. My mind is constantly going with new ideas, things I need to connect with people around, and keeping things afloat (I use that loosely :)) at home. I don't do a great job putting the phone down and keeping it down during family time to give myself a break.
Mary Catherine
12/8/2014 09:50:20 pm
So glad that you brought up passion vs. work, Tara, because I think this is a tricky subject! And I think this is why so many of us struggle with working too hard--because we are SO passionate about what we're doing that we get obsessed (at least that's how it manifests for me). But yes, learning to shut off and/or take breaks is key. But also the hardest part, I think ;) Comments are closed.
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HELLO!I'm Mary Catherine, a Cape Cod-based yoga teacher, painter, designer, writer, mom, and list-maker extraordinaire. My goal is to inspire you to start living a more creative, simple, joyful, + purposeful life.
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