How We Survived the 4-Month Sleep Regression

I really hope that I'm not jinxing myself by writing this, because I have to admit that we're not 100% in the clear yet. Charlie Mae isn't back to being the rockstar sleeper that she was as 10 weeks (when she was sleeping 12 hours straight at night), but at 4 days shy of 6 months--and after struggling through the 4-Month Sleep Regression for over 2 months--I'm hopeful that we're through the worst of it. 

For those who have really young babies and don't yet know about the 4-Month Sleep Regression, here's a super quick rundown for you: around 4 months (or 3.5, if you're lucky like us), your baby goes from sleeping like a newborn to sleeping more like an adult, and they begin to have sleep cycles that last around 45 mins or so. Unlike us adults who simply roll over and put ourselves back to sleep when we wake up in the middle of the night, babies don't yet know how to self-soothe when they wake up, so when their sleep cycle moves into the lightest phase, they often wake themselves up and then can't put themselves back to sleep.

Some babies make it through this regression in a few days, most take at least a few weeks, others a few months (like us), and from what I hear (horror of all horrors), some babies won't be a good sleeper again for a few years.

There are approximately 1 million books written on baby sleep and how to help your baby "sleep through the night," and I am no expert at all, but I've been asked what we did by enough of you to think it was worth sharing what has worked for us as we've muddled through the past 2.5 challenging months of sleepless nights.  

Again, we're not working with a perfect sleeper now, but we've got a baby who is sleeping in much longer chunks, is putting herself back to sleep often, is taking at least two good naps per day at pretty regular times (in her crib!), and is in bed for 12 hours each night, so we're doing MUCH better than we were 2.5 months ago when I thought we weren't going to make it (only a slight exaggeration). 

Before I go into the details of what we've done to try and remedy our sleep regression nightmare, I should lay out our sleep set-up when this regression hit:

• Charlie Mae was being swaddled for all nighttime sleep 
• She was sleeping in a bassinet in our room at night
• She was doing all of her napping ON one of us--usually in a carrier but sometimes on someone's chest while they were on the couch

Of course, when the regression hit and she started waking up every 45 minutes no matter what, we started tweaking things. Most of the changes that we made came from lots of online reading, recommendations from friends who have been here before, and the book, The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. I should also note that from my reading I found out that naptime sleep really affects nighttime sleep and vice versa, so we did a lot of work on Charlie Mae's nap setup, as well.

Here's what we did/what has helped our baby learn to sleep (obviously keep in mind that every baby is super different): 

• Naps in crib: At around 3.5 months, I started putting Charlie Mae down in her crib for all naps. I also started putting her down drowsy but not yet asleep. This was a tough transition and some days it didn't work; at each naptime I would give it the old college try and then if needed, resort to wearing her to make sure she got that nap instead of skipping it altogether. When necessary, I used her "nurse-to-sleep" sleep association to nurse her until she was almost asleep and then put her down in her crib. Over time, I started nursing her less close to naptime so that the association wouldn't be as strong. She now takes every single nap in her crib and usually falls asleep without any fussing in about 5-10 minutes. I do still sit in her room and sing to her for the first few minutes after putting her down, and I stay in there until she falls asleep. I'm hoping to change this eventually... [And don't let me fool you: getting to this point was REALLY hard work. There were many days when I would spend an hour putting her down and then she would only sleep for 35-45 minutes and then wake up and not go back to sleep. But I did it 3-4 times per day every day until we got to where we are right now.]
  
  
• Nap frequency: Again, at about 3.5 months, I started keeping track of when Charlie Mae slept and would put her down for her next nap exactly 2 hours after she woke from her previous nap. That means she was in her crib trying to fall asleep at the 2 hour mark. Over time, I started lengthening the time between her first and second nap. Her first nap of the day always happens 1.5-2 hours after she wakes up in the morning. 
  
  
• Nighttime sleep in her nursery/crib: At around 5 months, after she had gotten used to napping in her crib, we transitioned Charlie Mae into her own room. This was a really hard transition for us (we missed her and hated having her in a different room!), but we had figured out that we [+ Sayde] were playing a big part in waking her up. Moving her into a separate room made a HUGE difference in how she sleeps; she immediately had 2-3 less wake-ups per night--it was shocking!
  
  
• Bedtime routines: I'm sure you've read this everywhere, but having a set bedtime routine for before bed at night and a similar, but different one for before naps is really helpful for the baby. Our bedtime routine includes low-lighting, washing up (we don't do a bath every night because of my teaching schedule), getting her into her PJs, nursing, reading a few books, then turning out the lights and singing the same song every night. Our naptime ritual is similar but much shorter and I try not to nurse her right before naps anymore (unless needed, which sometimes it is).
  
  
• Nighttime wake-ups: When all of this started, I was really quick to rush to Charlie Mae anytime I heard her start to wake up because I didn't want her to wake herself up too much and not be able to go back down. Unknowingly, I think I was doing more harm than good. After this regression hit, I started giving her time to try and put herself back to sleep. As long as she wasn't crying (and was just fussing a little), I would give her 10-15 minutes to go back down on her own. If she didn't go back to sleep on her own and it had been 2-3 hours since she last ate, I would feed her. If it had been less than 2 hours since she ate, I would try other methods to get her back down. This was hard. But now she puts herself back down at least 50% of the time, which is great.  
  
  
• Regular bedtime and wake-up time: Over the past few months we've also tried to become much more regular about when we put Charlie Mae down for bed and get her up in the morning. We try and put her down within a 30-minute window each night depending on my teaching schedule, her last nap time, and how she appears (sleepy or pretty awake). We also try to get her up around the same time every morning, so if she wakes up before her "normal" wake-up window, I treat it as a nighttime waking. If she hasn't woken up by about 15 minutes after her usual wake-up time and has been in bed for at least 12 hours, we wake her up for the day. 
  
  
• Bedtime as early as possible: Most sleep experts recommend putting your baby down for the day between 6:30-7pm. Unfortunately for us, that's not an option because of my teaching schedule (and the fact that Charlie Mae still won't take a bottle), but we've tried to make her bedtime as early as we can each night. I've heard from other moms who can swing it that this early bedtime is clutch, so worth trying if you can!
  
  
• Serious blackout curtains: Around month 5 I read that making the room as dark as possible (so that you can't even see your hand in front of your face) for all baby sleep makes a huge difference in their ability to put themselves back to sleep. So of course I made Charlie Mae's nursery as dark as possible and we set it up that way for every nap and every night. 
  
  
• Stopped swaddling: At around 4 months I transitioned Charlie Mae out of being swaddled. We used Merlin's Magic Sleep Suit to help with this transition and she still wears this suit for all sleeping. I started by not swaddling her for naps (but still swaddling at night) and then just ripped off the band-aid and stopped swaddling for all sleep. I think that helped her because she likes to suck on her hands and have a bit more movement when she sleeps. 
  
  
• Aromatherapy: Every time Charlie Mae sleeps, I diffuse lavender essential oil in her room to help calm her. I start this about 10 mins before putting her down. 
  
  
• House/room temperature: I read that babies need to sleep in 68-73 degrees, and we had been keeping our house a bit cooler than that at night. We don't like sleeping in such a warm atmosphere, but I think Charlie Mae does ;) 
  
  
• Sound machine: We've used a sound machine since Day 1, but I wanted to mention it here because all of the experts say it's a MUST. 
  
  
• Soft sheets: I know this sounds weird, but I read that cuddly, fuzzy sheets make a baby's crib much more inviting, so I changed her sheets out for really soft flannel ones. 
  
  

So there you go--those are the basics. I know that this sounds like a lot, but that's because it is. This was hard work (and was maybe one of the most challenging times of my life!?), but I think it was worth it. Charlie Mae's sleep schedule has started to become much more regular in the past few weeks and right now it's looking like this:

• Between 7:30 and 8pm: Bedtime
• Between 7:30 and 8am: Wake-up for day
• Around 9:30 or 10am: Morning naptime (I base this off of when she gets up)
• Around 12:45pm or 1:15pm: Afternoon naptime (again, based off of last naptime and how long it was)
• *If needed* due to shorter afternoon nap, 30-45 min catnap around 4 or 4:30pm

​She's still been needing me to go in and help her go back to sleep 1 or 2 times per night, but that is WAY better than the 5-6 (or 8-9!!) times per night that it was just a month or two ago, and now when I go in, it usually takes no more than about 10 minutes to get her back down. We've even had a few 7 to 10-hour chunks of endless sleep lately, which has been life-changing!

All of that being said, for those of you in the thick of things, just know that you're not alone--many of us have come before you and you WILL get out of this sleepless hell. For those of you who have other great ideas, feel free to post them to comments for parents who find this post in months and years to come!

And good luck...you'll make it through!