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Baby "Brudder"!!!! As you can see from the video above (that we posted to social media last night), we're having a boy and we're over the moon ;)

Ben has been saying all along that he'd love another girl, buuuuttt if we were having another girl, he'd want to try for *one more* (eek! Hard to imagine right now!), so it's nice to know that if we feel done after this child, we'll have one of each and won't ever have to wonder what it would be like to have a boy. 

We have a front-runner for a name but will definitely be keeping that info to ourselves until he's born ;) Thanks for all of your excitement for us! So many of you have messaged me saying you're done having kids but are living vicariously through other pregnant people (I get it!), so it's been really fun seeing all of your guesses at what we're having and your joy for us. 

And from what all of you are saying about boys, it sounds like we're in for quite the wild ride! I'm just holding out hope that this will be our "go with the flow," sleep-anywhere child, because as you know by now, Charlie Mae is NOT (haha!). 

I've been pretty nervous about sharing this news with all of you; I'm obviously over the moon to be pregnant again (and out of the First Trimester!), but after my recent pregnancy loss, telling "the world" about this pregnancy felt really scary.

Every time I imagined "announcing" that I was pregnant again, I then imagined suffering another loss right afterward and having to face the sadness of that loss "publicly" when I wasn't yet ready to do so. 

I also thought about all of the incredibly strong women who reached out to me to share their pregnancy loss stories when I shared mine. I thought of the women who are still trying to get pregnant again and I couldn't help but worry that my sharing this news wouldn't help, but instead, would hurt, or re-open old (or still very fresh) wounds. 

If you're one of those women and you're reading this, I sincerely hope that this post doesn't make you feel worse, but that it gives you hope instead. After losing our baby I wanted to jump back into the saddle (haha) and try again as soon as possible because I knew that getting pregnant would help me heal--and it has. But I know that not everyone feels this same way and that it can also take a while to get pregnant again, so it's not always such a simple decision.

I feel very grateful that we were able to get pregnant again quickly and am sending SO much love to those of you who are currently trying or who've had to wait longer than you'd hoped. It's a very intense process to re-enter no matter how much time has passed since your loss and can obviously be way more intense if it's harder for you to conceive. 

There are no words, really. I just hope this post doesn't do more harm than good. 

And despite all of my worries about putting this news out into the world, the fact is that we're really excited about growing our family and want to share this joy with others. I'm trying to move past all of my anxieties about something going wrong and instead of dwelling on my fears about all of the the worst case scenarios, live in the moment and experience the excitement of being pregnant again. Especially after such a devastating loss. 

So, all of that being said, YES, I'm pregnant again!!! I'm a little over 14 weeks and I finally felt ready to share this news for a few reasons:

1. Ben is HORRIBLE at secrets and asks me every. single. day. if we can "announce" yet. He finally wore me down (haha).
   
   
2. Charlie Mae has been telling people that she has a baby in her belly so it's getting awkward not being able to explain where that came from...
   
   
3. This being my second (well, third) pregnancy, I'm showing much earlier than I did the first time and by the end of the day (read: when I'm teaching yoga at night) my core muscles have relaxed, my belly is full, my uterus is relaxed, and I look like I either ate WAYYY too many Christmas cookies (which I did) or I'm pregnant, and I'm starting to feel self-conscious about it. I only have so many baggy yoga tops, ya know!?!?

Thus, here we are. I'm due July 14th and we can't wait (but actually we can because we have a lot to do before then + two kids = OMG!). 

We *are* going to find out what we're having and should know around 18-19 weeks. We haven't decided if we're going to share that publicly yet or not, but if Ben and Charlie Mae have anything to do with it, we probably will ;) 

Thanks for all of your support over the past 6 months of loss and now, excitement.

On two separate occasions at the end of 2018 I saw big, bold, gorgeous double-rainbows that made me feel very hopeful about this pregnancy and this year. Let's hope that those rainbows were signs that 2019 is going to be full of rainbow babies for all of us who suffered a loss in 2018. 

[Oh, and a note about the pic above: I'm *sure* you know this by now but in case you don't, Ben is OBSESSED with basketball. He has a bball training side-hustle and basically eats, sleeps, + dreams basketball. He's had a "vision" for this picture since the day we found out I was pregnant again and although I am not as into basketball as he is (understatement of the year, haha), I couldn't take that vision away from him. So yay for you, Ben!]

The image above was taken on August 12th, just over 2 months ago. I was 10 weeks along and felt like my belly had just started to pop; this being my 2nd pregnancy, my uterus knew what was up and had started to expand immediately. I was over the moon, feeling great, and excited to hear my baby's heartbeat at my 10 week appointment in just a few days.

Needless to say, I didn't ever hear my baby's heartbeat. What I didn't know when this picture was [excitedly] taken was that my baby's heart had already stopped beating. Our baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks, but was still nestled inside of my uterus while I--oblivious to this fact--snapped pictures meant to capture what I thought was my growing belly. 

Within a few days of this picture being taken, after the appointment where my midwife couldn't find the heartbeat with the doppler, after the excruciating 24 hours in which I waited for the ultrasound that would tell us what was happening inside my body, after the heartbreaking 10 minutes lying on a table in the dark, watching the ultrasound tech move her wand around my belly without saying a word--and knowing what her silence meant--we'd scheduled a D&C, a surgical procedure that would remove our deceased baby from my belly. 

It was horrible. It felt like a nightmare. I couldn't stop crying and I felt like it was my fault. All of the cliches about the emotions associated with pregnancy loss are cliches for a reason: I felt all of those things. 

While some women say that it wasn't helpful for them to hear how common pregnancy loss is, I found it very helpful. I took comfort in the statistics that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in loss. Not because I wanted this for other people, but because if it was extremely common, then maybe that didn't make it my fault. Maybe my baby really wasn't going to be able to survive in this world and that's why it stopped growing, not because I took an ibuprofen long before I knew I was pregnant, or demonstrated a deep twist in one of my classes when I was just a few weeks along.

And I took comfort in all of the female family members who called to tell me that this had happened to them in the past, too, in between child 1 and 2, or child 2 and 3. It gave me hope that I would be able to go on and have another healthy baby someday, too. 

The thing about pregnancy loss is that you're not just mourning the loss of this child that you were growing in your belly and are no longer going to get to meet, but you're also mourning the life plans that you had set up around this baby's impending arrival.

Ben and I had started planning what our maternity and paternity leaves would look like. We knew what the rough age difference between our two kids would be and imagined Charlie Mae having a playmate sooner rather than later. We had a hazy outline of how the beginning of 2019 would go; after all, if we were having a baby in March, that would change the year in a big way. 

But then in just 24 hours, we'd lost all of that "stability." We knew our plans weren't really stable in the first place, but we'd hoped that they could be and had talked things out because that's what you do. We'd done this before and it had gone smoothly (the pregnancy part, not the child birth or child raising part, ha!) so we had just gone ahead with our life, planning around this big event as if it would happen for us again. 

And then out of nowhere, it ended. And we had to deal with that. 

I will say that in my personal experience, I felt that our loss was made easier because we already have Charlie Mae. I was able to look at her and hug her and not only feel enormous gratitude that I already had a healthy, wonderful child, but also be reminded that my body had done this before and that hopefully, that means it can do it again. 

I was also acutely aware, during all of this, of just how difficult it must be to suffer multiple losses, one after another, while hoping for a child. Or to be someone who can't get pregnant at all and wants to. It's all so devastating and complicated and just plain sad. So much sadness.

But then you have to wake up and go on with your day: you get up early and get your child ready, you take her to the park, you respond to emails, you eat lunch, you teach a yoga class, you scroll through your phone, you go to the grocery store.

No one knows that you've just been dealt a big blow and you don't tell them because you don't want to talk about it, but you carry it around, feeling empty inside when you felt so full only one week ago. 

And then you keep waking up and going through your days and dealing with life and the sadness starts to fade. At one point you think, 'I won't be able to talk about this publicly for a long time' and then only a little while later, you realize that it's National Pregnancy + Infant Loss Awareness Month, and you see everyone else sharing their stories of loss and you're surprised to find that you're ready to talk about your loss, too. If nothing else than to tell that woman who is scrolling through her phone while in bed, recovering from a miscarriage or another loss, that she is not alone, that you understand, and that you're sorry. 

You're so, so sorry. 

When I was pregnant, I was clueless about what we needed/would really use once we had a baby. I read books, read registry lists, and asked friends, but found it to be really hard to understand how we would use the things that I heard we needed until I actually used them.

But once we got home from the hospital, wow, was I glad that we were prepared and listened to everyone's advice on what to get! From Day 1, so many of the items that were recommended to us were extremely useful and much-needed. {Thank you to all of my friends who sent me lists!}

So today, I wanted to share the love and recommend some of my favorite baby + postnatal essentials. Whether you're looking for gift ideas for the expectant parents in your life or need ideas for your own registry, here are 10 items that made our lives [and especially my life] post-pregnancy MUCH easier:

1. Nursing Camis: I had NO idea how much I would wear nursing camis. In fact, let me put it this way--I've worn a nursing cami every single day and every single night since I had Charlie Mae. That's every day and night for 3 months and 11 days. I love these ones, but to be fair I should tell you that I haven't tried any others; just ordered some of these and then ordered more of them and then, once I realized I was really wearing them all day every day, ordered a few more. Must-have. 
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2. Nursing Pads: Keeping with the nursing theme, I also didn't realize how much you leak all over your clothes when you're breastfeeding. Again, I haven't been without these pads for more than a few hours since I had Charlie Mae, and they're a godsend if you don't like sitting around in wet clothes. I've tried a few brands and these are my favorites (by far). 

3. Sleep Sacks with Built-In Swaddles: If you're a fan of a sleeping baby and don't have the patience to learn how to swaddle with a blanket and/or don't want to have to wake up every time your baby wriggles out of your poorly-wrapped swaddle, buy some sleep sacks with swaddles for your baby. As soon as Charlie Mae grew out of the newborn size, we bought the next size up, and are so thankful for these little garments. Another life-saver for tired parents! Here's my favorite brand. 

4. Burp Cloths: Oh boy, do babies spit up everywhere! We have burp cloths stowed all over the house in strategic locations and I'm still always searching one (I'm often sitting on the one I'm looking for). I don't think you can have too many--we've been known to have 4-5 "active" burp cloths going in different rooms in the house. I love these but we've been given tons and all are great.  

5. A Baby Carrier: We wear Charlie Mae ALL THE TIME. If it wasn't for baby carriers she would get a lot less sleep, I would get a lot less done, and Sayde would get a lot less walks. I was given this baby carrier as a hand-me-down and it's become my favorite and go-to. We also have a Baby Bjorn that Ben uses as his carrier and loves. I tried the wrap-style when Charlie Mae was smaller, but it just didn't feel secure enough for me and my anxious self (I'm sure it was the way I was wrapping it/wearing it, but for whatever reason it wasn't the best fit for me). I was also given this one by a fabulous doula and think it's a great option, too. 

6. A Bouncer and/or Swing: Another thing that you need strategically placed around the house--containers for your baby! Places to put your tiny baby for a minute while you pee/take off your sweatshirt/pour your hot tea/etc! We got a second-hand bouncer that has been one of our MVProducts and were given a great swing that hangs out in our kitchen. I don't think the brand/model matters for these things, just get a few via hand-me-down or consignment and you'll be happy you did!

7. A Changing Table: I'd heard that you don't need a changing table and they're just another product that people think they have to get and then don't actually need, but I disagree. Our $15 Craigslist changing table is one of the best buys of our pre-baby days; when you have a newborn, you spend many, many hours changing her. Why not do that at a table meant just for that? I love the little compartment that is just the right size for wipe container, the shelves underneath that house extras of everything, the fact that it's the perfect height...I could go on and on. Worth the $15, for sure ;)

8. A Noise Machine: Ben and I used white noise to sleep before we had a baby, so it only made sense that we would get a special white noise machine for our baby. Since Charlie Mae sleeps in our room, we all use the same noise machine now and we really love this one. It is a nightlight and noise machine in one, so it helps me see when I get up to nurse in the middle of the night AND provides us with lots of sound options. 

9. Board Books: We started reading to Charlie Mae a few weeks into her life, and have found board books to be the best fit for someone so young. Her favorites from the very beginning were these books, which are made for super small babies, but now that she's getting older, we're finding that she loves any and all books that we read to her. 

10. Lamaze Clip + Go Toys: The people who make these toys know what they're doing. They've got black-and-white patterns, rings, make crinkly noises that really little babies like, and are perfect for babies who are just a few months old. They were the first toys that Charlie Mae started to show an interest in and are still her favorites--even as she starts to show interest in other types of toys, too. They've saved us from many a breakdown already!

There are so many other items that we've used a ton so far {our diaper bag, this play mat, this mobile, our car seat, our stroller...I could go on for days}, but I'll stop there for now.

I hope you find this list helpful and don't hesitate to reach out for other recommendations! Btw, Lucie's List is my favorite online source for product information and recs. It has been (and still is!) my total go-to. 

Now that it's been almost 11 weeks since I gave birth to Charlie Mae, I think I'm ready to share my story of the experience.

As I said in my very first post about her arrival, I think it's important to tell these types of stories, but I needed time to process what ended up being a very traumatic experience for me. 

Sharing a challenging birth story is, well, a challenge. There are many reasons for this, but just a few are as follows: I don't want to scare anyone who hasn't given birth yet and is pregnant or plans to be someday, I don't want to be judged for my decisions during my labor + delivery, I don't want to come across as judgmental towards anyone who has different feelings about birth, I don't want to come across as ungrateful for a process that in the end, provided me with a completely healthy baby, and I don't want to make anyone feel bad about their birth process, no matter what the outcome. 

But, I'm going for it, because I want other women who had births that left them with a bit of PTSD to know they're not alone in their experience. So, here goes... 

[And be warned, this is a doozy of a post! You may want to grab a cup of tea and sit back for this one, or if you're not interested in the subject matter, just skip it. I've included lots of details for those who, like me, want ALL of the info when they hear a birth story.]

I felt my first signs of labor in the morning on Tuesday, August 23rd. I woke up feeling period-like cramps that would continue throughout much of the day, but I didn't know if they meant that this was "it" or not. I had my weekly appointment with my midwife that morning and had a scheduled non-stress test at the hospital after that (since I was past my due date), and at these appointments I was told that the baby was fine, but I was only 1/2 cm dilated.

After these appointments and after discussing my concerns about having to get induced if I went too far past my due date, I made an appointment to go in for acupuncture that afternoon, in hopes that it would bring on labor. As I lay in the acupuncturist's chair later that day, I started feeling my "cramps" getting stronger, and on the 30-minute drive home, as it started to feel uncomfortable sitting behind the wheel, I began to think that these cramps might actually be something. 

​Around 3 or 4 pm I was working at my computer and sitting on my birth ball, and I realized that the "cramps" I was experiencing were happening at a pretty regular rate. At a friend's advice, I started timing them just to see if they were regular, and sure enough, they were. I called Ben at work and told him this might be it, and he headed home just in case.

Fast forward to a few hours later, and I was in labor. I planned on laboring at home for as long as possible, so I ate dinner while having contractions, and sent Ben to bed around 9pm to get some sleep while I labored downstairs on my own. I had my yoga mat, blanket, and birth ball out, I lit some candles, put on some music, and moved through each contraction. It was a beautiful time that made me feel good about whatever was ahead of me. 

At around 11pm, the contractions had gotten so strong that I knew we had to go to the hospital. Not because I thought they baby was coming anytime soon, but because the only thing that got me through the contractions was moving (I would bend at the hips and lean over something and then sway my hips side-to-side while the sensation lasted), and I was afraid of being in the car, seated, through these contractions. I woke Ben up, we grabbed our bags (which of course, we had packed weeks ago and refilled as needed earlier in the evening), and got into the car. 

In the car, I listened to my hypno-birthing recoding and breathed through each contraction. We got to the hospital around midnight and my midwife (who I had called) was there to greet me. She told me that I was 3 cm dilated when we arrived, which meant that we might still  have a long way to go, but I was ready for it. The night continued on, and I labored all throughout, trying different positions, getting in and out of the shower, eating small snacks as I could to keep my energy up, etc. 

I should pause here to share that going into my labor + delivery, I really wanted a non-medicated, non-intervention birth. This felt like the right fit for me and I was as prepared as I could be for this type of birth. I felt confident in my body's ability to have an unmedicated birth and in my birth team's ability to support me. Everyone who came into my room was aware of what I wanted and was very respectful of my wishes, and even many hours into being at the hospital, I felt that I would be able to have the kind of birth that I wanted. 

Back to the story: what I didn't realize in the first half of my labor but found out later on was that the crazy intense contractions I was having were called back labor. Not every woman has these kind of contractions, but those who have will know why this is relevant.

Back labor contractions are WAY stronger than regular contractions. Each time you have a contraction, it feels like someone is sawing your back open with a jagged knife. The only thing that helped me was moving my hips, bending over, having someone press on my hips as I contracted, and/or being in the shower, moving on a birth ball, with the hot water on my lower back. It was crazy intense and exhausting. 

When I was next checked at about 10 or 11am on Wednesday the 24th, I found out that I was only at 5 cm. Normally, they say that women dilate an average of 1 cm per hour, so it was pretty disheartening to find out that after 10 or 11 hours of laboring at the hospital, I had only dilated another 2 cm. But still, we pressed on. 

The next time I was checked, later that afternoon, I was at 8 cm. You can't push until you're at 10 cm, so again, I was disappointed. But then a few hours later, before I was checked again, I felt the urge to push. I told the midwife who was with me at the time, and she said that if I felt the urge, I could try. She didn't check me again since they try to limit the checks, so I went for it.

​They got me into a good squatting position and I started pushing. I pushed for about 30-45 minutes, during which my water finally broke, but nothing was happening. So the midwife had me stop and checked me again--and wouldn't you know it--I was only 8cm dilated. Things weren't progressing the way we'd hoped, and my energy was starting to really dip, as I'd been in labor for over 24 hours, had been pushing for a while, and in the meantime, the back labor contractions had continued to get stronger and stronger. 

This next part of the story is where things start to get pretty hazy for me, as I began to get kind of delirious with exhaustion. But, from talking to Ben and everyone who worked with me that evening, here's what happened:

When the next shift came in, the midwife on duty started talking about interventions. They mentioned Pitocin to help me dilate all the way, which scared me to death, since I knew that Pitocin can cause contractions to become even stronger and I was already at my limit with my back labor. We told them that we wanted to wait longer, but everyone was worried about my energy and my ability to push the baby out when the time came [if things kept going as they were].

Finally, the Ob-Gyn on duty--who is also my next door neighbor--came in to check me and discuss options. At this time, we found out a few things:

1. Charlie Mae was turned so that she was partially sunny-side up, which means she wasn't in the best position for labor AND this is why I was having back labor. With every contraction, only part of her head was pressing down on my cervix, which means that a part of my cervix wasn't dilating as it is supposed to, and thus, is why it was taking so long for me to dilate fully.
2. The pushing that I did earlier in the evening may have slowed down my dilation process even more. Pushing when you aren't fully dilated can cause inflammation of the cervix, which means it becomes less open instead of more open.
3. Charlie Mae's heart rate was starting to drop with each contraction, which meant we needed to get her out sooner rather than later.
4. They had spotted some meconium when my water broke, which meant that Charlie Mae had already had her first bowel movement inside the womb, which is another indicator that the baby needs to get out sooner rather than later.  

So, I was told we needed to move things along to avoid an emergency c-section. The recommendation was an epidural so that I could rest up enough to dilate the rest of the way and then have the energy to push her out.

I was heartbroken, as I had now been in labor for almost 30 hours and felt so close to the end, but was now faced with the need make a decision that could impact whether or not I ended up having the birth that I wanted or an emergency c-section. I was so tired and had started feeling like I would rather die than continue on through labor. In fact, I know I said that a few times, that I "just wanted to die,"  which is a very scary feeling to have.

Ben and I discussed our options as best we could given the amount of pain I was in and our mutual state of exhaustion and worry, and we couldn't decide what to do. It was really stressful for both of us. I had a nurse with me who is also one of my friends (and who knew all about my wishes for an unmedicated birth and had one herself), and with tears in my eyes, I asked her, "What should I do?"

She responded confidently, "I would get the epidural so you have a chance at a vaginal birth," and that was all it took. I said lets do it and they started the process. 

The good news: the epidural did eventually give me a chance to rest enough to dilate the rest of the way and get her out. The bad news: it didn't take all the way and didn't work on my back labor, so once I was all set up and told I could no longer move (the only thing that relieved the pain of back labor), I still felt the pain of the contractions in my back. It was pure hell having to lie still and let each contraction move over me without being able to move myself. 

When it was time to push Charlie Mae out, her heart rate was dropping enough that I didn't have the "luxury" of taking my time pushing her out and slowly stretching naturally. The doctor had to use the vacuum extractor to help pull her out [quickly] and cut a large episiotomy in order to make room to get her out, and of course, I had to push on my back because of the epidural (again, something I really hadn't wanted). 

There was a lot of blood and it was pretty scary--spotlights all around me, a bunch of faces looking down at me, Ben's voice somewhere in the darkness where I couldn't see him--I felt like I was in an ER episode, and it was nothing like the peaceful, yoga-filled birth that I had hoped for and experienced for the first 24 hours of my labor.

At one point before the pushing started I even heard Ben say to someone, "This is the worst day of my life," which is not something you want your partner to be feeling when you're about to have your baby. He was scared and hated seeing me in so much pain when there was nothing he could do, and I hated hearing him so upset. 

In the end, I had Charlie Mae vaginally and she was perfect. She was born at 10:48pm on Wednesday the 24th and was 8 lbs and 20 inches. They put her on my chest when she came out and she started nursing very soon after. I remember feeling both the pain of being stitched up and the comfort of having my baby lying on me simultaneously. I was crying because she was here and she was okay and also because labor was over. [I did still have to deliver the placenta, which I remember seeing, but I could care less about that once Charlie Mae was in my arms.]

The next morning, I was feeling all of the emotions at once. One by one, everyone who had worked with me throughout my labor came by to help me process what had happened. I remember telling my midwife, through tears, that I didn't think I could ever have another child because I could never go through that again. I was thoroughly traumatized by the experience, despite being completely in love with our daughter. 

Now that I have some distance from the experience and good-old amnesia has kicked in (which, I have learned, must happen for our species to continue), I know that I will be able to have another child and I want to, despite all of the PTSD surrounding Charlie Mae's birth. I recently told Ben that I would do it 5 more times if it meant having Charlie Mae, and I meant it. Which goes to show just how powerful the love of motherhood really is. 

Oh, and I want to mention that even though the end of my labor was really scary and upsetting, there were beautiful moments scattered throughout and it wasn't all bad.

I have a beautiful memory of watching the sun come up through the window of my room after laboring through the first night. My midwife was helping me and we watched it come up together, and she said, "It's your baby's birthday!" which was very powerful. I also remember being spoon fed chicken noodle soup by one of my nurses (also a yogi and friend) while in the shower, and all of Ben's amazing support as things got hard. And of course, seeing Charlie Mae when she came out was the most incredible feeling of all. 

So, that's the story. I think I'll stop there since this post has become so long, but I want to reiterate one thing that I learned from birth, and that is that it really is out of your control. You can only prepare so much, and after that, you have to surrender.

I'm still working on accepting this, but I do know it's true and feel that Charlie Mae was 100% worth it.

As you've probably already seen if you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, our darling baby girl, Charlie Mae Starr Vaneria arrived exactly one week ago today, on Wednesday, August 24th at 10:48pm.

Born at exactly 8lbs and 20 inches (she likes to be precise, just like her parents), Charlie Mae is already the light of our lives in *every* way imaginable. Obviously. She is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to us and we seriously couldn't be more head over heels in love.  

So, this post will be fairly quick because I'm still in the thick of the early days and am trying to make this time as low-key and Charlie Mae-focused as possible, but I wanted to break the silence and share some quick snapshots from our first week together. 

A few highlights and notes:

• We brought Charlie Mae home from the hospital on Friday the 26th and she and Sayde finally met. Sayde was totally weirded out for the first couple of hours, but by Saturday morning she had accepted Charlie Mae into the pack--now we're all just a happy little bunch snuggling on the couch. 
• My parents flew up from GA on Sunday to meet their very first grandchild (Ben's parents already met her, since they live here) and it was incredible watching them fall in love with her from the moment they walked in the door. So much love around here!
• Breastfeeding has been going wonderfully thus far, and Charlie Mae is eating (and of course, pooping) up a storm. Just like her parents, Charlie Mae likes to eat. We took her to the pediatrician for the first time on Monday morning and she had gained weight--hooray! 
• Speaking of poop, we've already had two projectile pooping incidents that you would have to see to believe. Wow. I never knew that I'd be cleaning poop off of the walls so often! ;) 
• We gave Charlie Mae her first bath this morning. It was adorable and she only shed a few tears, so we considered it a success. Can't get enough of those hooded towels and Ben is obsessed with combing her hair! 
• So far {fingerscrossedknockonwood} Charlie Mae has been an amazing sleeper. We are 5 for 5 at night--she hasn't woken up crying once since we brought her home! I have to wake her up to feed her and then she goes right back to sleep. It's a miracle and we're just trying to enjoy it while it lasts!!! I hope I haven't jinxed myself just by typing this...
  
  

I should also mention that I will eventually share my birth story--either via podcast or blog post--but I'm not ready to do so yet. It was pretty traumatic for me and I'm still processing it, but I think it's important to share these kinds of stories so definitely want to eventually. For those interested, stay tuned for that information and I'll share it when I'm ready. 

And now for the pics! Here are some scenes from life over the past week...

Yes, Ben is growing a paternity leave beard. Yes, Charlie Mae is almost always wearing just a diaper because it's hot around here. And yes, we have already taken approximately 10000 pictures of our little girl and I don't anticipate that stopping anytime soon. 

Before I close, I want to say a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE thank you to the amazing ladies at Cape Cod Hospital who took care of our little family during our time there. We are full of gratitude for each and every one of you.

And thanks to everyone who has called, texted, emailed, messaged me, commented on my pics on social media, etc. I'm sorry I haven't had the chance to respond to each of you individually, but know that I've read all of your notes and congrats and they mean the world to me!

I'm not sure when I'll be back to blogging, but I promise to pop-in here and there over the next couple of weeks with updates.

​Now back to Charlie Mae-land! 

Over the past couple of days, Ben and I can't call a friend or family member without them picking up the phone with an anticipatory gasp...they all think we're calling with news of our baby! But alas, thus far, we have no news to share; everything is status quo, despite the fact that we've watched my due date (or due dates, depending on how you look at it, ha!) just float on by... 

I've talked to soooo many women recently who went *WAY* over their due dates, so I know this is completely normal and I'm not worried about it, but it sure does feel more + more surreal with every day that goes by without a change or any sign that our babe is on the way. 

So, this past weekend, we mostly just went to the beach to wait it out [again]. Not a bad gig ;) 

For the first time in forever, Ben and I have no scheduled plans on the weekends--or in my case, on the weekdays, too--so we've been able to do just do whatever we feel like doing and take things hour by hour. I have to tell you, it's been pretty freeing, despite the weird cloud of the unknown hanging over our heads. It's also led to lots of time spent reading in a beach chair, LOTS of sleep (9+ hours the past 3 nights!), and lots of meals out. 

Ben is living it up like we're on borrowed time (which I guess we kind of are), and I'm just trying not to lose my mind with the excitement, anticipation, and constant questioning of every little sensation I feel in my body; "Could this be a sign that I'm going to go into labor soon? Could that?"

Thus, as we enter another new week without any major changes, I'm getting back to work on client projects (thank goodness I still have work to keep me occupied or I'd go crazy!), continuing to walk Sayde and stay as active as possible every day, sleeping whenever I feel like it, and starting to make plans to change my parents' plane flights--which we had booked for this week and now have to change to a random later date (we knew that would probably happen but it's still confusing...). 

So, here's to hoping our little girl decides to come sooner rather than later, because this mama-to-be is simply dying to meet her!

​Thanks for all the continued good thoughts, good energy, and well wishes coming our way! You guys are the best :) 

Last night, after a few weeks of cajoling, I *finally* convinced Ben to join me for a special bonus episode of Starr Struck Radio (!!!). No, he has not committed to coming back next season (sigh), but he has committed to joining me at least once more after our baby girl comes to talk about being a parent/new parenthood, so at least that's something...

That being said, here's today's episode! It's obviously all about the third trimester of pregnancy and how we're feeling during our baby's "due week."

​This episode is meant to be the third (or really, fourth) in a series all about becoming parents. Scroll down (below the podcast link) to find links to the past three episodes in this series--and if you haven't listened to them yet, you might want to start from the beginning and listen to them in order, saving this one for last ;) 

​You can listen to this week's episode below OR by downloading and/or subscribing in iTunes or Stitcher (be sure you search "Starr Struck Radio").

Interested in listening to more pregnancy-related episodes? Listen to these first: 

• Episode #4: Are We Ready to Have Kids?
• Episode #39: The First Trimester
• Episode #47: The Second Trimester
  
  

​And here are the recent blog posts mentioned in today's episode:

• ​Due Week!
• Preparing for "Maternity Leave" When You Work For Yourself 
• Tour Our Baby's Nursery!

You can view all past Starr Struck Radio episodes and get answers to FAQs on the podcast homepage. ​​

Thank you SO much for listening and for coming on this journey with us!  Stay tuned for our post-baby episode...

From everything that I've read and heard, I know that due dates don't really matter. I know that your baby will come when it's ready, no matter what you've been told by your doctor, midwife, or ultrasound technicians. In fact, I've read that first time moms usually go an average of 41 weeks and 1 day before having their babe. 

I've heard all of the stories about babies who are 14 days late--whose mothers try everything to get them out earlier than that to no avail. I've also heard all of the stories about babies who come early, and I know that there's no predicting that, either. 

So, here we are, we've arrived at my due week, which doesn't mean a lot in reality, but still means a lot in my mind: for almost 40 weeks, I've been counting down to this week as the approximate "end" of my pregnancy and beginning of our life as parents.

This past Friday, two of the ladies who I considered my "pregnancy buddies" [in my head] had their babies, and I was able to see their transformation from pregnant lady to new mom happen almost instantaneously (I know it's not instantaneous, of course, but from afar it looks that way!). It's wild to look at their adorable pics and think, "maybe I'll be next..." but in the same moment, know that it could be another 3 weeks before we meet our little one--and that would be normal, too.

We're in that awkward phase where every time that we do anything, we wonder if it's the last time we're going to do it without a baby; yesterday at the beach we said aloud, "This might be our last beach day before we're parents!" And before we go to bed each night, "This might be our last night going to bed as a family of 3" (we include Sayde in our count, of course). Obviously, the list of these types of moments goes on and on, and this might continue for quite a while longer if our babe decides she's comfy in there and not ready to enter the world quite yet, but it's still pretty weird.

So, as we enter this week--my due week and the first week where I'm not teaching yoga (which feels SO strange already!)--I'm going to try my best to find a balance between working, nesting, and enjoying some downtime and self-care.

I plan on trying to bust out some final client projects so that I can feel a sense of closure with as much of my work as possible. I hope to finish up some organization projects around the house so that I can relax more easily. I plan on treating myself to a mani-pedi, practicing yoga at home each day, and sleeping a little later than usual if I feel like it. I look forward to evenings at home with Ben, daily walks with Sayde, and a chance to be present with however many days we have left before our baby decides to join us...

This whole experience has been such a trip so far! Thanks for all of your sweet notes, excitement, and fun predictions over these past few days + as we enter our final days/weeks of pregnancy.

Oh, and if you're wondering how you'll know if I've gone into labor or not, a pretty surefire way to find out is by checking the blog. I post every weekday except Thursday, so f you check the blog on a day that I usually post and there is nothing up by about 10 am, you'll know that something is shifting in baby-land ;) Obviously if it happens over the weekend, you won't know until Monday rolls around, but still. And of course, stay tuned on Facebook + Instagram for the first announcement; I'll post here on the blog as soon as I'm up to it! 

In the past month, two of my good friends have recently moved "home" to live near their families--and in both cases, these moves took place after years of living a long plane flight away.

As I've watched these friends jump right back into the folds of family life, I've been thinking a lot about our move to Cape Cod, which at the time, wasn't based on being close to family (although that was definitely a bonus when we made the decision), but has been a really wonderful part of our living here. 

Of course, I've also been thinking about living close to family because of my dad's visit last week. It was *SO* wonderful to have him here, for him to be a part of our daily lives and our impending life change, but it also made me sad that we can't live in a place where we're close to both of our families, that people don't still live in villages where generations of the same family all live next door to one another and help raise each other's children.

However, I know that we're lucky to be able to live close to at least one side of the family; we're lucky that we have jobs that allowed us to move and don't require us to be in one particular city or location, and that we had the means and life circumstances that allowed us to make our move almost 3 years ago.

Since moving, I've been surprised at how great it really is to be close to family. I knew it would be nice to have family nearby for the holidays, birthdays, and bigger events, but what I didn't think about was how nice it would be for Ben's Grandfather to be able to come to all of his basketball games (the ones he coaches), for Ben's mom to be able to stop by on a Saturday afternoon just to say 'hi' and catch up, for impromptu family BBQs on the weekend, for the connections that are formed by living in the same place and therefore being affected by the same local news, weather, and events. There's something really lovely about that. 

And of course, there's the super helpful part of living near family, which I know will only increase exponentially once we have a baby: the family members who are able to come stay with Sayde when we go out of town, who can come let her out in the middle of the day if I'm unavailable, who we can borrow equipment or supplies from when doing work on the house--the people you know you can count on if you lock yourself out of the car, need help moving, or have an emergency. It's great to feel that kind of support, too. 

So, I guess what I'm saying is that there's something really wonderful about living near family, and also, as we get ready to grow our own little family, I'm having a lot of sadness about not living by my side of the family, too--about not having my parents, grandparents, brothers, aunts + uncles close by.

​I feel so grateful that my in-laws are here, and that we have a support system now that we didn't even realize was possible just a few years ago, and at the same time, I can't bear the thought that my parents won't be able to be a part of our daughter's daily + weekly life in the same way that Ben's family will be. It's such a mix of emotions all rolled up into one...but I guess that kind of describes life, doesn't it? 

{Oh, and I should note that I know that living near family can be hard, too, depending on family dynamics, but I think that in many cases, the good outweighs the more challenging aspects of having family nearby. Obviously this is case-by-case and only you can know what's best for you...}

Want to hear more about our move to Cape Cod and deciding to make a big move to be close to family? Check out ​Starr Struck Radio, Episode 36: Making a Big Move + Making Friends as an Adult. 

This past weekend was a weird one. It was pretty packed and full of enjoyable activities, but also full of uneasiness.

Because Ben and I know that 90% of babies are born within 2 weeks of their due date (on either side)--and we're right in that zone these days--we're both feeling a bit out of sorts; we're planners and *slight* control freaks, so being in this place where I could go into labor any minute but also might not go into labor for another few weeks is hard for us. No matter what we're doing, we've got this big question mark hanging out above our heads, laughing at our plans...

On Friday night, I finally got to see Ben coach one of his basketball games [he's the summer league coach for our local High School team and his games are usually on nights when I teach], and then we went out for one last dinner with my dad before he headed back to Atlanta on Saturday morning. 

On Saturday, I taught has usual in the AM, and then we spent the afternoon interviewing in-home childcare providers, which was really strange. We kept talking about how hard it is to try and pick someone to take care of your baby when you don't even know your baby yet. How do we know who is the best fit for her? How can we trust anyone to take care of this little being that we aren't even taking care of yet? But at the same time, we have some great options so that's a good thing.

Then yesterday, I snuck out to Love Yoga Fest in the morning and took a class with MC Yogi + Amanda Giacomini. It was called "Happy to Be Here" and was all about finding joy and happiness in life, a lovely message that I always need to hear. It was a beautiful morning practicing under the tent outside, breeze coming through, surrounded by yogis breathing--and as usual, it was incredible feeling our baby moving inside of my belly as I moved through the yoga poses. I kept thinking about how much I'm going to miss practicing with her!

In between all of the bigger activities of the weekend, we ran errands, got new phones (hooray!), took a nap because we were both ZONKED, and talked about how crazy this time in limbo feels. Physically, I feel pretty great for being 38 weeks pregnant, and feel so lucky to have had such an easy pregnancy. Does my energy drop by the end of a busy day? Absolutely. But I can still teach, I can still practice yoga, I can still walk Sayde outside in the heat, I'm still sleeping well, and I just don't believe that I could have a baby any day now...

But I could. And so we wait. And try to stay as present as possible because it could be another few weeks before anything changes [if our little one decides she needs more time].

But also, at any moment, all plans could be forgotten, all calls and appointments canceled, all subs tapped to begin subbing, and our world could be flipped upside down. 

So here we go, I guess...!

You know what they say about pregnancy and the urge to nest? It's spot-on. If I spend one more hour in our nursery--sorting baby clothes + toys, painting furniture, hanging artwork + banners on the wall--I think Ben might lose it...

But you guys, getting the nursery ready has been SO fun for me! And it has been such a comforting, tangible way to prepare for our baby! Did I go a bit overboard? Ben would definitely say so, but then again, he's been with me for 11+ years, so he should know by now that going overboard is kind of my M.O ;) 

And you know what? Even though I'm calling our nursery "done" for now, it's secretly not done [shhhh, don't tell Ben!]. I still want to paint some whales on the white toy chest shown in the pic above, I want to hang some family pics on the wall that's next to the crib wall, I want to get another small throw rug for in front of the crib, and I could go on and on...but for now, I'm just calling it done and telling myself that if these things don't get done in the next few weeks, we'll all live. 

So lets go on the tour, shall we? Scroll down for some snapshots of our old bedroom-turned-nursery [and please excuse the dark-ish pics, it was the best I could do on a fairly cloudy day and I'm no photog]:

We bought the changing table shown in the above + below pics from a Facebook "Yard Sale" Group for $20. It had lots of pen and crayon marks on it and was a bit beat up, but it was nothing that a little elbow grease couldn't fix!

​I spray painted all of the frames (and the mirror) that you see on the walls around the room, and of course painted all of the little watercolors that match her room + decor ;)

As you may not be able to tell from these pics, I did quite a bit of furniture painting to get this room ready. We bought the dresser shown in the pics above and below from Craigslist for $10 and then I repainted it white and painted the knobs to match some of the patterns in the nursery. I also painted the shelving to the left of the crib (it used to be brown wood).

Can you believe all of the adorable little coats this girl already has hanging in her closet? She's going to be quite stylish + warm come this winter ;)

​Thanks SO much to all of the amazing people who have gifted us with bags of hand-me-downs and new gifts alike! 

...And thus commences our tour. Thanks for sticking with me as I go down my baby-related rabbit hole these days. And thanks for all the sweet feedback from yesterday's blog post. You guys are the best. 

Oh, and for those who might be interested, here's the crib we purchased, here's the throw rug, and here's our glider (which we LOVE and was totally worth the investment). 

Well, here we are: our baby's birth month. With my due date in the middle of the month, I think it's *fairly safe* to say that I'll be giving birth sometime this month (unless our babe is crazy late, in which case there is a possibility that we could move into early September!?). 

Either way, as my due date gets closer, I'm starting to get serious about my "maternity leave" plans. But lets get real here for a second: when you work for yourself, you don't get maternity leave. You don't ever get any kind of paid leave, but the trade-off is that I can come and go from work as I want to, without any time limits--as long as I'm ready to stop making money if I stop working. 

Has this been stressful for us as we've prepared for having a baby? Absolutely. We rely on the income that I bring in and aren't looking forward to going without it. But at the same time, I am really thankful for a schedule that allows me to take time off if I need it, and for the ability to slowly ease back into work when I'm ready (and work from home!), as opposed to having to jump back into work full-time (and abruptly) at the end of some predetermined chunk of time.

Obviously, there are pluses + minuses to my situation, and as much as it scares me to take more than a week or so off {for the first time since I started teaching yoga back in May of 2010!}, I'm also super excited to have the time and space to be fully focused on our little baby for a while. 

So, since I've been getting tons of questions about how much time I'm taking off and what that will look like, I thought it would be helpful to lay it out for you here, so my clients and students are clear (although my clients will be getting an email today that outlines what they need to know) and so that my fellow solopreneurs out there can see how Ben and I have decided to handle this new challenge/change: 

• Yoga Teaching: As of right now, I'm still teaching yoga (I'm 2.5 weeks out from my due date). I still feel good and teaching is still fun, so I'm continuing to go for it. I do, however, have "on-call" subs lined up for all of my classes starting this week, so all I have to do when I feel done with teaching is let them know and they'll takeover. But I think for now, I have another good week or two in me ;) 
  
  Once my subs takeover/I have the baby, I'm planning on taking anywhere from 6-12 weeks off from teaching. All of my subs are open-ended and the plan is to just give them a heads-up when I'm ready to come back. I may transition back to some classes earlier than others, depending on the class time (does it work for the babe and Ben being home with the babe?), location (is is super close to home and thus won't take me away from the babe for long?), and how I'm feeling, but I wanted to give myself plenty of space in case I need it (physically, mentally, or emotionally). 
  
  Obviously, I'm not teaching any workshops again until later in the fall/winter, and retreats are on hold for around a year (stay tuned for another Namaste Nantucket Retreat in August or September 2017). 
  
  
• Design Projects + Existing Client's Needs: Up until now, I've been continuing to take on design work on a project-by-project basis, simply because I can do this from home right up until the baby comes and I can often turn things around really quickly (if needed). But, I'm also very lucky because I have Sara, who can continue working on most client design projects while I'm out. In fact, I've been able to continue taking on work because I do have her and know she will be available to clients while I'm out, and I feel SO much better knowing that my existing clients who need a website tweak or quick flier created will have her as a resource when I'm unavailable.
  
  Plus, the great news is that her continued work on client projects and client needs will help me continue to have a little trickle of income while I'm off. All of my clients will get an email outlining how to handle needs while I'm out and I will be checking email twice per week to respond to any immediate needs that Sara can't handle; but otherwise, I'm going to try and be very "off" when it comes to this side of my work.  
  
  
• Consulting: I will not be doing any consulting while I'm out on maternity leave. If a current consulting client needs advice on something super quickly via email, I'll be responding [quickly] during my designated email times each week, but otherwise, these services will be on hiatus for about 8-12 weeks. 
  
  
• Custom Art: Again, this part of my biz will be on hold until I ease back into a regular schedule with childcare (more on that below). 
  
  
• Etsy Shop: My Etsy shop will stay open! I'll be removing all of my custom order options, but prints, greeting cards, and apparel will still be available, since I can easily pop something in the mail while Ben holds the baby ;) 
  
  
• Blogging: And last but not least, this little blog! For the first time since starting it, I'm planning on taking more than a week off from blogging, too [so weird!]. I'll keep blogging 4 days per week up until I go into labor, and then I'll be taking around 6-10 weeks off from writing regularly.
  
  I'll *definitely* pop-in here + there to share my birth story, baby pics, and give you baby and new mom updates, but my regularly-scheduled programming won't return for a while, and when it does return, it might return slowly. I'll probably ease back in to posting on a regular schedule, and it might not be back up to more than 2-3 days per week for quite a while. But don't worry--I'll def be back and I'm sure I'll be eager to share stories + experiences from my new life with you ;) 

So that's what my "maternity leave" will look like.

The next question that everyone asks is about childcare, so here's what we're planning in that arena [when I do go back to work]:

Obviously, Ben and I will both be home with the baby for the first few weeks. We're lucky that Ben gets 5 weeks of paternity leave (yay!), so it will be both-hands-on-deck for the first 5 weeks. When Ben goes back to work, each of my parents will come up for a week or so, so that I'll have around 7 weeks of help. Once they go home it will be just me during the day, until I'm ready to start transitioning back into work. 

When that happens, we're planning on having a childcare provider come to our home to watch the baby while I work. I will either work from home (so I can breastfeed as needed) or pop out to a local coffee shop if I need to get out for a bit, and the plan is to pay for this kind of childcare for around 15-20 hours per week to start. Ben will be home with the baby while I teach in the evenings and will obviously be around on the weekends when I'm teaching/if I need to work some then.  

We've started interviewing childcare providers and have already talked to some very promising candidates, so are feeling pretty good about having someone lined up for when we're ready in early-to-mid October... 

{Phew!}

So, that's how things are looking right now. It's all so unknown, which is super scary for me/us, but that seems to be something I need to get used to when it comes to being a parent, so I'm going with it. 

As for the finances of everything, we've been saving as aggressively as possible over the past 9 months and I've been working my butt off to make more $ this year (in preparation for this time off) so we're going to be okay, but we sure would rather not have to take this financial hit! {Obvs.} 

And that's about it! I hope that you've learned something from this little inside look at the logistics of having a baby when you work for yourself, and I appreciate all of the advice I've gotten from so many of you readers out there who are in the same boat/have been in similar boats.

 As I make my way through my Summer Reading List, which is full of beach reads + [mostly] fiction books, I have also been making time in between the "fun" books to read pregnancy and mommy-related books. Not that these books aren't as enjoyable to read per se, but they definitely require me to be in a different mental space in order to read them.

That being said, I've gotten a lot out of reading these types of books, as they make me feel more educated and aware of what's out there in this unknown world I'm about to enter--even if I don't agree with or understand everything written in each book. 

So, here are the books that are on my mom-to-be reading list. I've already read 3 of the books listed below, and the other 3 are in my queue...

• The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by Diane Wiessinger:  If you're at all interested in breastfeeding, I highly recommend this book. It was given to me by one of my friends who found it really helpful, and I felt the same way--reading it made me feel SO much more knowledgable about breastfeeding, it's benefits, it's challenges, and the resources that exist out there to help new mothers with breastfeeding. Really interesting + informative!
  ​
• The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer by Harvey Carp: I've heard multiple mothers and experts mention this book as a must-read, and since I hear that newborns like to cry a lot and can often have trouble sleeping, I think it's worth getting into. Quick admission: Sara gave me a DVD that covers most of what is in this book, so there's a high probability that I'll watch that (with Ben) instead of reading the book...because I only have approx 5 weeks left before this babe comes, and that's not a ton of time!
  ​
• The Birth Book: Everything You Need to Know to Have a Safe and Satisfying Birth by William Sears and Martha Sears: This book was recommended to me by my HypnoBirthing Coach, and I found it to be particularly helpful in explaining the science behind birth and what's actually happening in your body throughout the birth process. For me, understanding the physical logistics of birth has been helpful in making it feel much more doable (and less scary), so this book has been an important read for me thus far. 
  
  
• Elevating Childcare: A Guide to Respectful Parenting by Janet Lansbury: While I don't know a ton about this one, I've heard a lot of good things about Janet Lansbury and want to read this book in order to learn more about her ideas on parenting. I have no idea whether or not her parenting style/thoughts will resonate with me or not, but from what I understand, it's worth reading just to broaden my horizons. {This book might be one I'll have to get into after we have the babe, but we'll see...}
  
  
• Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin: If I lived in or close to Tennessee, I think I might venture over to The Farm (Ina May's Midwifery Center) to give birth. But since I don't, reading her book and finding inspiration from the stories and wisdom shared within it's pages will have to do for now. A beautiful read for anyone interested in natural childbirth and the magical spirituality of childbirth. 
  
  
• Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting by Pamela Drukerman: Despite this being my first pregnancy, I feel like I've been hearing about this book for quite some time now, simply because it ruffled a lot of feathers when it first came out by bringing up some big differences between the way French mothers and American mothers parent. Then, I recently read this article about why American mothers can't possibly parent the way that French mothers do because we don't have the same kind of support from our government, and it piqued my interest again, so I've added it to my list. 

So, that's where I am at this point when it comes to baby books! I'm sure this list will be constantly changing as I get deeper into the process (and actually have a baby!), but there you go. 

Fellow pregnant ladies and/or parents: what books would you recommend? Any must-reads that I haven't included here? Please post to comments to share the learning love!

When I first became a yoga teacher, I taught a prenatal yoga class for about a year. While I enjoyed teaching the class, I didn't teach it long-term because I had a very hard time teaching to a population that I couldn't relate to at all.

At the time, I knew so little about being pregnant--despite having taken a Prenatal Teacher Training with an incredibly knowledgable yoga teacher and former midwife--that I never felt I could really understand or relate to my students enough to teach them the kind of yoga that I wanted to offer.

Flash forward to the present moment, and as I count down the last few weeks of my pregnancy (I'm in my 34th week right now), I finally get it; I get what it's really like to practice yoga pregnant.

I didn't get it earlier in my pregnancy, which has been a fairly easy, wonderful pregnancy thus far [knock on wood], because I could still do most things in regular yoga classes. Sure, I had to modify some poses here and there (some of which I showed in this video), but for the most part, my practice didn't change much.

But now, ladies and gents, it's a-changing, and it's a-changing quickly...

My belly is now in the way of many poses. My energy is way down. My core strength is mostly gone (although I can still rock plank and dolphin for a bit!). The heated yoga classes that didn't bother me at all earlier in my pregnancy are now stifling. Lying on my back doesn't feel good at all anymore, and lying in my belly has been out of the picture for a while. Basically, it's happened; regular vinyasa classes simply don't fit my body very well at this point, and I've had to accept it (even though it makes me sad). 

As for teaching, that has been another experience altogether. The good news is that at 34 weeks, I'm still fine teaching. I'm lucky, because the way that I teach doesn't involve much demoing. Since I can still walk around, assist, and cue all of the poses, I don't think my classes have suffered *too* much.

Do I wish I could still pop into a side crow demo when teaching it? Sure! Do I wish my belly didn't accidentally bump into people when I walked by or offered a down dog assist? Absolutely! Do I wish I didn't sweat more than some of my students in the heated classes that I teach? You bet! But the good news is that I can still teach, I'm still loving teaching, and I think I've got a few weeks left in me unless things change dramatically ;) 

One of the things that I've learned throughout my pregnancy--and I know this doesn't apply to everyone because every pregnancy is different--is that when you're pregnant, you're not suddenly a fragile flower who can't do anything.

As long as you have a healthy pregnancy, physically, you can continue doing many of the things that you've always done until they're no longer comfortable or do-able, and then you just need to listen to your body and back off. For instance, I know bridge pose is totally safe for pregnant women and many people love it while pregnant, but at some point around 29 weeks or so, it stopped feeling good in my body, so I stopped doing it. These kinds of changes have been interesting to observe.

So, what have I been doing about my own practice? Lots of home practice, prenatal classes on YogaGlo, and slower, gentler, non-heated classes at the studios where I teach. And I may just pop-in for my first in-person prenatal class this weekend (the times of the few prenatal classes in my area don't work well with my schedule, thus my absence from them up until now). 

As for my recommendation for fellow third trimester buddies who have been practicing vinyasa up until this point? Listen to your body (Ha! Imagine that advice coming from a yoga teacher! Novel, I know):

If it still feels good to you, keep going to vinyasa classes and do your thing. If it doesn't, or if you find you're modifying so much that it's becoming frustrating taking regular classes, switch it up or try something new. Attend a prenatal or gentle class, start practicing at home, instead (even if it is just a 15 or 30-min practice), or find some online prenatal classes that work for you.

And stay tuned, as I plan on doing another video on yoga poses for the third trimester very soon...