An Open Letter Apology to Mothers Everywhere

Dear mothers of all kinds, all locations, and all occupations,

Now that I have a child of my own, I want to apologize to you: I am so, SO, SO sorry for my previous ignorance and misunderstanding of your situation and of your life.

If I had had *any* clue what you were going through--how much you were juggling on a daily basis while also trying to be an actual, functioning human being in the world--I would have been more understanding and kinder in every single interaction that I ever had with you. 

If I had known that you were up all night with a baby, feeding, calming, and lulling that baby back to sleep--and if I had actually understood what that was like, that middle-of-the-night exhaustion, helplessness, and lonliness--I wouldn't have batted an eye when you arrived late, or frazzled, or forgot to put on a bra.

If I had had an inkling of what it was like to try and get yourself ready to go somewhere while getting a child ready, too, and keeping that child happy while doing so, and while also juggling naptimes and feedings and diaper bags and carseats and winter gear, I would have been gentler when asking why you were struggling those 'real world' obligations (in fact, I wouldn't have asked at all because I would have understood!).  

​If I had felt what it feels like to love a little being with everything that you have--so much so that you sometimes start crying out of nowhere when looking at him or her--and if I had understood the maternal hormones rushing through your body and the emotional toil of taking care of said little being, I would have given you more hugs, more support, more shoulders to cry on. 

If I had known how hard it is to feel guilty all of the time, no matter what you're doing, whether it's working or not working, spending time with you kid or not spending time with you kid, sleeping or running errands, exercising or not exercising, I wouldn't have suggested that you simply "wake up earlier" in order to fit it all in, or "hire someone to help" in order to make it happen.

I would have understood that it's not that simple. That sometimes you wake up early to do the thing that you can't find the time to do during the day, and then the baby wakes up, and that time is suddenly lost. I would have understood that even when you do hire help, it's never enough, and it's expensive, and you miss your child and feel guilty the whole time you're separated from her, even if you love what you're doing when you're not with her.

I guess what I'm saying is that I had NO idea what you mothers were going through, and I wish I had, because it would have changed how I interacted with you and how I treated you. 

I don't think I treated you poorly [at least I really hope I didn't!], but I think I treated you like we were the same, like we had the same amount of time in a day and the same amount of responsibilities, and I now know that that simply isn't true; we were completely different back then, living on entirely different planets, really. 

So bascially, moms, I want to say that I am in awe of you. I am in awe of the stay-at-home moms, the working moms, the moms of singles, the single moms, the moms of multiples, the partnered moms, the moms of everyone and every type and everywhere. What you do each and every day is nothing short of a miracle, and yet, you keep doing it. And somehow, from the outside, you really do make it look easy [even though I now know that it's not, not one little bit]. 

Now that I have joined your ranks, I want you to know that I *finally* get it and I think you are incredible for doing this for so long and still finding the energy to smile and go to parties and pack lunches and take a yoga class every now and then.

You are kicking butt--even when you're late, dishevelved, covered in throw-up, and haven't had a full night's sleep in months [years?]. Being new to this whole thing, I have a lot to learn from all of you, and I can only hope that eventually, I'll be able to mother with as much grace and grit as all of the modern mothers who have come before me. 

I hope you will accept my apology and forgive me for my former niavety. I am beyond impressed by your strength.