3 Years of Marriage {Tomorrow.}

[As of tomorrow, Ben and I will have been married for 3 years (and together for almost 11!). Since I usually post our podcast on Tuesdays, I wanted to use today to share some thoughts on marriage, instead...]

Way back before I met Ben, before I'd ever been in an adult relationship, I had an idea about marriage.

This idea mostly came from romantic comedies and TV shows, because the younger couples and newlyweds depicted on-screen were much more relatable (they were young) and frankly, more glamorous than any of the marriages that I was around in real life. Their stories made me and my friends gush, and as we sat around in our pajamas and braces eating Sour Patch Kids, we wondered if we would ever find a partner who would love us that much--who couldn't live without us, who would make us our favorite meals in bed, and still find us beautiful at 90. 

In real life I knew marriage to be the thing that happened between parents, and although some of the parents that I knew had great marriages, my parents didn't and none of the marriages I observed made me swoon in the way that The Wedding Singer or When Harry Met Sally did. 

Similarly, although I loved the idea of "true love," as a child of divorced parents, I was pretty afraid of marriage. I knew what a wrecked marriage could do to a family, and I wasn't sure I wanted any more of that in my life, thankyouverymuch. 

So, for a long time, I had a conflicted relationship with marriage. Part of me expected my engagement and marriage to be a sweep-you-off-of-your-feet, can't-live-another-second-without-you, catch-you-just-before-you-board-your-plane-and-confess-my-undying-love kind of romance--with classical music in the background and applause each time we kissed in the rain--and the other part of me wondered if any marriage could ever turn out happy; if people were getting divorced all around me, certainly no one was ever safe.

And the thing is, 3 years in, I still know that I'm not "safe" from divorce; I don't think anyone is because I've heard enough stories of people getting divorced after 50 or 60 years of marriage to know it's a reality for a lot of couples in our society (no matter how much you think or say "that could never happen to us"). But I also know that even though marriage isn't a romantic comedy, it can still be really beautiful and romantic in it's own way.

My new definition of romance (and of marriage) is buying matching work gloves and then spending the day working in the yard together--yes, sometimes bickering or getting annoyed at one another while doing it--but then sitting down to admire your work and enjoy a cup of hot cider, side-by-side (with your dog-child in your lap, obviously).

It involves singing duets while you do the dishes together (which we do every night), having another person to pick up your prescription when you're too tired or sick to make the trip out, listening to the new Fetty Wap song over breakfast, and knowing that if you need to have a good cry or fall apart every once in a while, there's someone there to pick you up off of the floor--or at least handle the menial task that caused your breakdown in the first place.  

What I've learned about marriage, and what I continue to learn about it each time that I get another year of marriage under my belt, is that it's a partnership that I want to be in, because it makes my life better to know that I have someone to grow and learn with, to laugh with, to cry with (well, mostly I cry and he doesn't), and who loves me even when I'm a total witch--which trust me, happens more than I'd like to admit.  

I'm so grateful that I found someone worth taking the risk of marriage with, and I'm so glad that Ben is my life partner [And dishwashing partner, fellow doggy parent, podcast co-host, I could go on and on...].

I look forward to seeing what this next year of marriage holds for us--and I look forward to bringing you along for the ride!

Oh, and for those who love wedding pictures and relationship stories as much as I do, feel free to peruse the following old posts:

Wedding-Related

• Our Fairytale Wedding: A Top 10 List: Post from right after our mini-moon
• Simple Joys of the Week: Wedding Recap Edition: Photographer's pics from our wedding
• Choosing a Wedding Dress

Marriage-Related

• Marriage Thus Far: Some of the lessons I had learned after 8 months of marriage
• 2 Years of Marriage: Post that shares how we met
• Why I'm Striving to Enjoy the Glory Days of My Marriage​​