One of the many reasons I love the internet is that it gave us all the tools to become entreprenuers. It leveled the playing field in a number of ways and now, if you want to create your dream job or make more money through a side hustle, you can.

It may just be the world I'm in (I'm sure it is), but these days, I know very few people who have just one job. The ability to start and promote a side business online combined with the rise of direct selling/multilevel marketing companies (Beautycounter, Young Living, LulaRoe, Rodan + Fields, etc.) have led us to this point where anyone who wants to can start a small biz and if she works hard enough, can eventually work for herself.

It's the best!

I've been navigating this new entrepreneurial landscape in some way, shape, or form for almost 8 years now, and as I've witnessed more + more people do the same, I've observed the following signs that you've become a modern solopreneur or side-hustler:

1. You have both a therapist and a business coach. Because they help you with different things!  [Side note: I held out for 8 years but as of a few weeks ago, I now have both. I've always had a therapist, but now I have a business coach, too!]
   
   
2. When asked how you get it all done, you always talk about how amazing your "team" is. Even if that team is just 1 other person + an accountant who you only use at tax time (#guilty). 
   
   
3. When you get a pedicure, you bring your laptop. When you go to a coffee shop to meet a friend, you bring your laptop (just in case she's late--so I can get a bit of work done!). When you go on vacation, you obsess about whether or not to bring your laptop but ultimately, you bring it--even if you don't open it (again, just in case!!!). 
   
   
4. You've used the word "tribe"--as in, "grow your tribe." You know that Coach, Influencer, and Consultant are real job titles in the online space. You say things like, "I need to boomerang this" to normal people who have only the faintest idea what you're talking about. 
   
   
5. Come tax time, your mailbox is as full of 1099's and W-2's as it is holiday cards during December. 
   
   
6. When having a conversation IRL, you've said, "I wrote this on my blog, but..." or, "I'm planning to write a blog post about this, but..." And often when you're telling someone a story, you have no idea if they already know about it from your blog (or social media) and are just trying to be nice by listening to you tell it again. 
   
   
7. You call your career your "day job." Or if you've already left it, you refer to your "day job" as your "old 9-5." 
   
   
8. You've listened to approximately 100,000 hours of podcast episodes about business, being an entrepreneur, success stories, time management, building an audience, making it as a creative...I could go on and on. 
   
   
9. You never made a business plan because things just "evolved naturally." Your marketing plan is basically just social media. Your business is your name or some regrettable name you came up years ago when you were just starting a blog or Etsy shop and had no idea it would turn into an actual business (*clears throat*). 
   
   
10. You schedule at least one personal (not family) photoshoot per year. Because you always need more images of yourself doing your thing for all of your promotions, your website, your Instagram, etc., ya know? 

Fellow solopreneurs, side-hustlers, and entrepreneurs: what else would you add to the list? ;) 

Long live the modern entrepreneur!

If you follow me on Instagram (where I'm focusing most of my social media energy these days) you'll know this already, but if you don't, I'll say it again here:

We had a really hard week prompted by a scary/horrible incident that happened on Monday. I'm not ready to talk about it yet, but I will eventually, I promise (and I'm not fishing here, it just feels weird to not mention this big thing that turned my world upside down this week...but I'm still too upset to really put it out there and want to finish processing before I do). 

That being said, we're all okay(ish) and I don't want you to worry.  AND I want to say that even though it was a bad week, there was still lots of beauty and simple joys to be had around here. I went to a lovely yoga class yesterday that was much-needed, we've had some great weather, we got together with friends twice, and I've also enjoyed the following...

HEAR: "Between" by Satsang and Nahko
This song is on myJune class playlist and I love it. It's so fun and uplifting! It made me smile a bit every time it came on while I was teaching this week. Listen below: 

​SEE: A gorgeous bouquet of flowers from Bee & Blossom
I have the best friends. I really do. And I'm always even more thankful for them when things are hard because they are 100% there for me. Also, they're crazy thoughtful! Case in point: I received the most beautiful bouquet of flowers  from one of my dear friends yesterday and they brightened my day immensely. Shout-out to local florist Bee & Blossom who did such a wonderful job, too! 

TASTE: First two cookouts of the season
We had some family over for a cookout last Saturday and then on Sunday we (and by "we," I mean Ben) fired up the grill again and cooked enough food for the entire week; I had forgotten how delicious grilled summer meals are! And how fun it is to eat outside on the back deck! Yum (and thanks for being our Grillmaster/Household Chef, Ben!).  

SMELL: Beach with my girlie
Charlie Mae and I went to the beach for just a short trip this week and it was really wonderful. It makes me so happy that she loves the beach as much as she does and I still can't believe that she's going to grow up as a Cape Cod girl (!!!). The beach is truly one of my main happy places in life and this week's trip reminded me of how grateful I am that we ended up on this gorgeous sandbar. I'll never get sick of the sensory experience that is the beach; it's a healer, that's for sure. 

TOUCH: Patagonia Better Sweater Jacket
I know I just said that we had gorgeous weather this week--and we have--but believe it or not, it has still been light jacket season on Cape Cod, especially in the evenings. I got this jacket through a sweet deal my younger brother secured via his hustle skillz (haha) and while he didn't understand why I would want to order a jacket in May, I'm so glad I did because I've already worn it a bunch of times. I love me some quality Patagonia! ​

And that's it. Life has it's ups-and-downs, but it's simple pleasures are always there, shining light on [sometimes] otherwise dreary days. 

I hope your week was also filled with small sensory pleasures. See you back here next week. xo

I was listening to an episode of the On Being podcast yesterday (this one--it's definitely worth a listen!) and the host, Krista Tippett, said, "Children teach us that love in it's purest form is a kind of service." When I heard her say this, I immediately pressed pause to jot it down.

Let me repeat it for you: Children teach us that love in it's purest form is a kind of service.

In one quick sentence, this quote distilled motherhood for me in a way that I had never heard it distilled before--love as service, love that is so strong that you would do (and do do) everything for that person. And not necessarily in a sacrificial or selfless way (although it can be in that way, too), but because you want to. 

This kind of service-based love is new for me. Maybe because before becoming a mother, I was never a super service-oriented person (or should I just say, because I was very selfish with my time and energy?). I've never had to be the primary caretaker of a sick or disabled family member or friend, I've never volunteered long-term in one particular area of service, I've never had a job as a caretaker, and besides Sayde, I'd never had another being rely on me for survival. 

But now that I'm a mom, I really do see that pure love is a kind of service.

​I want to give Charlie Mae everything she could ever need. I don't because I can't (and because I know that ultimately, that wouldn't be good for her), but I am "at her service" and I actually enjoy it (not all the time, of course, but most of the time). It feels good to think about someone else, to be pulled out of my brain and out of the endless loops of my monkey mind, and instead, be forced into the present moment by a toddler who needs me and needs me NOW.

It also feels good to love someone SO much that I want to do things for her that I don't particularly enjoy. It's nice to love someone so much that when I find a booger on her leg, I pick it off without even thinking about it--and then it gets stuck on my finger in public and I can't get it off and there are no tissues in sight but I'm still not grossed out (ha!). It's a relief to take care of her and know that I'm doing something important even if it only looks like I'm sitting in the grass in the back yard playing with weeds. 

After I heard this quote about having children I called Ben and read it to him. I said to him, "We need to remember this--that love in it's purest form is a kind of service--and do more for each other. Because it's true, when someone does things for you it makes you feel more loved and doing someone for someone else is a tangible act of love." 

I think this is the part of love that I often forget about. I know love is a feeling and an emotion and that it's really powerful. I know that when it's the healthy kind of love, love motivates and dictates and inspires. But I often forget that love is a kind of service.

It's a choice to take care of someone else and to be there for them even when you don't necessarily want to be. That's what makes true, long-term love so hard but also makes it so special. And that's what motherhood has taught me without my even realizing it until now: in it's purest form, love is a kind of service. 

I am so grateful that I get to serve Charlie Mae as her mother. 

Wow, what a week! It was super fun + jam-packed and I am exhausted. And not from momming, mind you--this time it's from teaching yoga!

I taught my "Juice + Loose" Morning Yoga Challenge this week and it wiped. me. out. Adding five 6:30am classes to my already full weekly schedule was a lot; good thing I had a *total* blast teaching it or I wouldn't feel quite as satisfied with this bone-tired feeling ;) 

How was your week? I hope it was wonderful and you can find some time to reflect on the little things that brought you happiness today. Here are my favorite simple, sensory joys of the week...

HEAR: 30 for 30 Podcasts, BIKRAM 
Have you heard of this podcast? The most recent season, Season #3, is a 5-part docu-series on Bikram and it was fascinating. Horrifying and horrible but really well done and very eye-opening. If you have any interest in the yoga world at all, I highly recommend it (and even if you don't--it's a great podcast!). I listened to the entire thing in just two days. {Thanks to all of my students who recommended it to me!}

SEE: Rhododendrons in bloom at Heritage Museum & Gardens
The rhododendrons are in bloom on Cape Cod and they're beautiful! Last weekend we joined some friends at Heritage Museum & Gardens for some kid fun + flower-spotting and it did not disappoint. The gardens were so beautiful and we all had a wonderful time! Charlie Mae really loved the carousel (riding on the "neighs").

TASTE: Morning cereal bonanza 
Charlie Mae was uninterested in all of our usual breakfast options this week (and come to think of it, so was I), so we came up with a new breakfast that we're both loving. It's basically everything you can think of poured into a bowl with milk on top: cheerios, granola, walnuts, flax seeds, chia seeds, berries of some sort, and shredded coconut. Each day this week we sat side-by-side with two spoons and shared a bowl in the morning and it was really sweet. A little messy, but sweet nonetheless. 

SMELL: Pedicure
I finally got a pedicure this week! It had been waaaaayyy too long. And sure, my big toe chipped just a few hours after getting it, but it still felt wonderful and all of my toes but my big toe look good so hey, whatevs ;) 

​TOUCH: Soft toddler skin
Charlie Mae is *obsessed* with being "makey" (naked) right now, so I've gotten to spend a lot of time cuddling and rubbing her soft-as-velvet skin this week; as you can tell, I'm not disappointed about it. Yes, of course this means that it has also been harder to get her dressed than usual, but the soft snuggles have made it all worth it. 

...And that's it for now! Thanks for stopping by + thanks to everyone who joined me for my morning yoga challenge over the past 5 days :) 

I hope your weekend is chock full of simple joys!

These paintings! I want to fill my house with them and sit amongst them and just stare at them all day long. They make me so happy! They're by CA-based artist Teagan McLarnan, who creates them using Egg Tempera, one of the few types of paint that I know next to nothing about...but man, does she know how to work it to create these dreamy pieces of art.

You can view some of my favorite paintings from McLarnan's succulent series below:

Wow, right? Just wow. Makes me want to stop what I'm going and go paint (or plant some succulents) right this minute.

You can view more work by McLarnan on her website and you can purchase her work at Elliott Fouts Gallery. 

​I hope your day is as colorful as these paintings!

Oh wow, look at that--it's June! Me oh my this life is a quick one. But June feels like a very exciting month and I'm ready for it.

How was your week? I hope it was good! Mine was quite full but also quite enjoyable. I started working with a business coach for the first time ever (!?!?), had an exciting meeting about a new venture (stay tuned for deets!), did a new yoga photoshoot, found a hurt baby bunny (see my recent Instagram post for the story), got a lot of good work done, and got some quality family time in. Win-win-win-win! Only downer = the hives + itchy rash that has been spreading all over my body this week due to an allergic reaction, but ya win some ya lose some, right?

Anyways, lets talk simple joys. Here's what brought me happiness over the past 7 days...

HEAR: "Tequila" by Dan + Shay
Ben is currently obsessed with this song, and thus, had me listen to it a bunch of times this week/made me watch the music video with him (it's an intense romantic drama, haha). Because of this, I also became obsessed with this song and therefore, it made this list. You can watch + listen to an incredible acoustic version of this song here. So good!

SEE: Halt and Catch Fire
Ben and I have been on the prowl for a new TV show that we would both enjoy; we landed on this one on Sunday night and were immediately hooked. It's based in the early 80s and is all about the race to create a personal computer--but that doesn't make it sound good and I promise it is. It's like Mad Men in that it's centered around the characters' relationships/office politics and the drama that occurs as they push boundaries and try to create something new. Highly recommend!

TASTE: "Cultivate" Juice from The Local Juice
It had been too long since I'd enjoyed a juice from my fave local juicery, and I was lucky enough to pick up a bottle of "Cultivate" when I was over there for a meeting this week. As usual, the juice did not disappoint and I felt healthier just holding it in my hand (HAHAHA but you know what I mean, right?). 

Sidenote: I'm doing my second "Juice + Loose" morning yoga challenge at Centerville Yoga starting on Monday--and tomorrow is the last day to register! The classes take place every morning from 6:30-7:30am (M-F) and after each class you get a Juice from The Local Juice. Yum! Reserve your space here. 

SMELL: Mulch
We finally laid mulch in our yard last weekend and it felt so good to get our spring yard work done! Plus, it was totally adorable because Charlie Mae got really into helping. She would scoop mulch into her little sand bucket (with her little shovel) and then carry it to where we were working and dump it out. She also loved opening and closing the gate for the wheelbarrow and talked about the mulch all weekend long. It was pretty great. 

TOUCH: Licks + nuzzles from horses (!!!)
We took a family walk to visit our local horses on Sunday (one of CM's fave things to do) and when we got there, the horses ran over to us immediately (a first) and wanted to interact! They licked my hands, nuzzled me with their lips, let me pet their heads, etc., and it was the best. Especially because it brought Charlie Mae SO much joy to see them do this. Such a simple pleasure ;) 

And that's it for this week! I hope you can find some time to reflect on your simple joys today, too.

Have a lovely weekend.

Your monthly audio yoga class is now here! Just in the nick of time + hot off the press, it's a class that I taught this past weekend and I think it's a fun one ;) 

Here are all of the details re: practicing with me via audio class...

Class Description: In this 75-minute audio yoga class we focus on opening the heart center and spine while also working into the quads (quite a bit!). This class is not for beginners; experienced practitioners only (level 2-3 class). Recorded live. You can view the playlist used in this class here  ("May 2018 Yoga Class Playlist"). 

How to Listen: You can listen directly from this website (player below) or on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher (search "Starr Struck Yoga: Live Yoga Classes"). If you subscribe to this "podcast" wherever you listen to podcasts, you will automatically get each new class that I post in your podcast feed on your phone. 

A Note About the Audio Quality: These classes are not professional recordings, so you will hear me mess up, you'll hear students sneeze, you'll hear me whisper a specific instruction to a specific student, and at times, the audio quality might not be the best. Apologies, but hey, they're free and as authentic as you can get without being in the actual class! ;) ​

You can stream the class here: ​​​​​​​

​Thanks for practicing with me from afar!

Memorial Day weekend is here! This means that it's also the start of the busy tourist season here on Cape Cod, which is a huge energetic shift that totally sneaks up on me every year. But I'm excited--I love this season SO much and have so many dreams for the summer--specifically beaching with Charlie Mae as much as possible ;) Ahhh I can't wait! 

But enough about my dreams for the future--lets reflect on the past week! What brought you joy over the past 7 days? My #SJOTW are below...
​
HEAR:"Sunu" by Rising Appalachia
I love this song! It's so energizing! It's on my May class playlist and I find it to be the perfect yoga song. You can listen below:

​SEE: Family playtime outside
Last Sunday was a really special family day. We've gotten to the point where we have to protect our Sundays with a vengeance (doesn't life always try to sneak into Sundays?), but we did and therefore, had a lovely day. We went on a family walk, ate pancakes, spent quite a while playing in puddles, went to the park, played basketball, and had a delicious homemade dinner together. It was a blast. These are the kinds of days that I want more of and am trying to really appreciate as they're happening...I know we'll look back on them so fondly when Charlie Mae is older. 

TASTE: White wine ;) 
I was on a serious red wine kick over the winter, but this past weekend was one of the first times this year that I wanted white over red, which I took to be a good sign because that meant that it was sunny and warm outside for once [doesn't that make all the difference?]. So, we've been drinking a refreshing Pinot Grigio over here this week and it's been divine. 

Sidenote: I never understood the whole mom + wine thing {the memes, the jokes, etc.} but now that I am a mom to a toddler, I get it. That first little sip of vino after an exhausting day has never been so good ;)  

SMELL: Lavender + Rose Native Deodorant
I know I've mentioned my love for Native Deodorant here before (it's a natural deod that actually works!!!!), but this month I decided to try a new scent and I'm LOVING it. It smells incredible; seriously, it's like rubbing an essential oil on your skin but it's deodorant. I love it. 

TOUCH: Biofreeze on my sore neck
I did a sponsored post for Biofreeze forever ago {shout-out!}, and because of that we have a lot of Biofreeze stock in our house, which I'm super thankful for these days. As I mentioned last week, my neck has been crazy sore these days, so I've been loading up on this little product and it works wonders. Menthol FTW!

And there you have it. I hope you had a lovely week full of simple joys, too. 

​Enjoy the long weekend and I'll see you back here on Tuesday!

Last week's post about being the Household Manager said a lot about Ben and most of it wasn't positive, per se. I know that despite my stating (twice) that the post wasn't meant to be a bitchfest about Ben, some people just skimmed it and decided that it was, in fact, just a bitchfest about Ben.

Ben even said that he had two people ask him "if everything was okay" between us, despite my saying the following in the first few paragraphs of the post:  

Before I go any further into my own experience with this frustrating subject, I should say that this post is not a critique of Ben at all. Ben is an amazing father and husband; he carries quite a mental load himself and does a lot around our house: he cooks all of our dinners, he does almost all of our grocery shopping, he pays all of our bills and maintains our yard, he does his own laundry. Three nights per week, he comes home from work and immediately handles all evening Charlie Mae duties while I head out to teach yoga. 

Of course I go on to say a lot about what Ben doesn't do around the house, but the point that I was trying to make in this post is that it's not Ben's fault that our society {a Patriarchy} has taught him that all of the extra things I handle around the house are "just the things that women do" and thus, he doesn't have to worry about them.

It's not his fault that I saw my mom doing everything for everyone as I grew up (and she saw her mom doing the same as she grew up...) and therefore just took everything on without even realizing or thinking about it ["because that's just what moms do"].

It's not Ben's fault that he doesn't even know that the invisible workload I carry around in my mind exists. Or that he wasn't raised in a society where he was expected to be the one to stay home with the sick child when both parents work. My frustration is way bigger than my relationship with Ben--it's about how impossible it is to do everything that women are now expected to do in our culture while working (if that's something a woman wants to do, which I do). 

So, just to be 100% clear: Ben and I are good. You don't need to worry about us. 

Sure, we have stuff to work on as a couple and as you can tell from my post, we're still figuring out how to run a family + household together in a way that works for everyone, but we're in a good place and still very much in love, very committed, and very happy together. We had a hard first year as parents [aka sleep deprivation wreaks havoc on everything] but we've reconnected and I think he's the greatest. 

On the other hand, me and my role as Household Manager? We're not so good. I don't want the Household Manager job on top of all of my other jobs--or, I don't want to fill this role alone. I want a co-Household Manager in my husband and I think I deserve one.

I also think that Ben is up to the challenge and can do the job just as well as I can if given the chance ;)

Wow, it feels like it's been forever since my last edition of #SJOTW! I was sad to miss it last week {while traveling} but was happy to be totally present on my LOVELY trip to TN with my friends (more on that below).

How was your week? I hope it was full of simple pleasures. Here are a few of the little things that brought me joy over the past 7 days...

HEAR: "Good Kisser" by Lake Street Dive
I posted about this song on my Instagram story but in case you missed it: you MUST listen! It's so catchy and great! I literally had it in my head ALL day yesterday. All day. But I'm not complaining because it's that good. My friend Laura recommended it to me and I am so glad she did. You can listen below: 

SEE: Everything on my trip to TN...
The trip that Charlie Mae and I took last week/weekend was SUCH a special one. Not only did I get to see my dear, dear friends Laura + Jessica, but we got to see Jessica's new farm, we got to meet her newest addition (5 mos old) and her 3-year old--who I had only met once before (unacceptable), they got to know CM better, and we got to watch our kids play together. The trip was total Soul Food and I'm so thankful we made it happen. 

TASTE: Mother's Day Breakfast (Homemade pancakes + eggs)
Ben isn't always the best at holidays, but he pulled it out for Mother's Day this year. I came home from the trip to flowers, a card, and a gift, and he made *delicious* buttermilk pancakes + eggs for us on the morning of. Hooray! 

SMELL: Windows open = fresh air
It's been a windows open kind of week. In TN it was *crazy* hot and the open windows allowed for a nice breeze (and wafts of farm scents which I totally loved). Since coming home it's been much cooler, but still warm enough to open the windows and get some fresh air, listen to the birds, and clear things out. There's just something about letting the outside air in (if it's clean)...three cheers for spring temps! 

TOUCH: Inversion Table
My weird neck issues have reared their ugly head again as of late, so my immediate solution was to get an inversion table. I've been wanting one for my lower back issues forever, but when it came to my neck, I knew that hanging upside down would be an immediate help. So, I got one on Craigslist (duh) and it has been great. Obviously it hasn't magically cured me, but I can tell it's been making a difference. Total win for just $60. 

And that's it for this week! I hope that you, too can find some time to reflect on your #SJOTW today. Have a wonderful weekend!

{Oh, and I'm looking forward to seeing some of you at my Slow Down + Restore workshop tonight! There's still room if you want to join: sign up here.}

Image above: Charlie Mae sees the path ahead of her and is NOT impressed. If nothing else, we need to change this system to give our daughters another option!
​
On Mother's Day, my social media feeds were filled with sweet posts about moms. They were really beautiful and I loved reading them--especially the ones written by husbands about their wives. You know the posts I'm talking about, right? The husband posts about his amazing wife and how much she does for the family, the household, and the kids. He says how grateful he is for her and her ability to hold everything together despite _____. 

But then Mother's Day passes and the mom featured in said post goes back to grinding it out. Or maybe she doesn't even get a break (not a real one) on Mother's Day--I'm sure lots of mothers were left cleaning up the kitchen after their husbands and kids made them breakfast, or folding laundry and catching up on their own work while their partners napped off their "exhausting" mornings with the kids.  

The conversation about the mental load (often called emotional labor and/or The Invisible Workload) that women and mothers carry around is not a new one, but it feels like it's been everywhere lately and as a new[ish] mom who has just recently started to feel the effects of this phenomenon, it's become increasingly important to me. 

[Note: Many articles about this subject have captured the issue way more succinctly than I ever could, so I've included a couple of my favorite posts about this subject at the bottom of this post.]

Before I go any further into my own experience with this frustrating subject, I should say that this post is not a critique of Ben at all. Ben is an amazing father and husband; he carries quite a mental load himself and does a lot around our house: he cooks all of our dinners, he does almost all of our grocery shopping, he pays all of our bills and maintains our yard, he does his own laundry. Three nights per week, he comes home from work and immediately handles all evening Charlie Mae duties while I head out to teach yoga. 

But what he doesn't understand and will never understand is the hefty mental burden that I carry around at all times as our Full-Time Household and Child Manager. 

[And Historian. And Administrator. And Scheduler. And Organizer. And Decorator.]

Ben has never had to think about what season is coming up and whether or not Charlie Mae has appropriate clothes that fit her for that season. He has never done a single load of her laundry, has never clipped her fingernails, has never even thought about whether or not we have enough diapers or wipes. He doesn't have to worry about her daycare schedule and who will drop her off and pick her up. When she gets a splinter in her foot, he isn't the one researching the best way to get it out and then holding her down while she screams and he tries to remove it. 

Ben has never changed out a roll of toilet paper in our house and when something is missing, he has no idea where to look (duh). He has never changed out a moldy shower curtain or washed a bath mat or cleaned off the base of the electric toothbrush. Every time that Sayde has an accident in our house (which unfortunately, happens more regularly than we'd like), I have to ask him to clean it up and he then asks me how to do so (despite having done it himself many times in the past).

I write the thank you notes and remind Ben to call and thank people who give him gifts. I remind him to make doctor's appointments for himself--or rather, I beg him to make doctor's appointments for himself and often have to research the doctor and give him the name and number of a doctor covered by our insurance before he actually calls.

While I was out of town this past weekend (with our child), Ben called to tell me that Sayde had gotten into some sort of nighttime altercation with a critter when he let her out (yikes!) and that unbeknownst to him, had bled all over our comforter and sheets. When I got home a few days later, I saw that the comforter was still on our bed, that our sheets were still splashed with blood, and that Ben had no intention of handling the situation; he'd rather just sleep on bloody sheets. 

Again, this is not meant to be a bitchfest about Ben, but rather, a comment on what we Household Managers have to handle and think about that the non-Household Managers don't have to handle or think about. It's a post meant to show you that even as a feminist--and as someone who came into my relationship, marriage, and parenting experience focused on equality and sharing the responsibilities--we've fallen into the exact same roles that SO many couples do. Because these roles are ingrained in us since childhood. 

Despite the fact that we both work and my schedule is just as full as his (if not more so!), I am still the de facto CEO of the household, too. I have to remember what has to be done and ask Ben do to it. I have to delegate ("nag"), remind ("nag"), and cajole ("nag"). Often, I end up having to just do it myself rather than have the fight caused by the "nagging" it takes to get him to do the things I ask him to do.  

It's exhausting.

And I can't imagine what it would be like with 3 kids, or a job that required me to be in an office 40+ hours per week, or with a partner who had a much more demanding work schedule. 

So I guess what I'm saying is that it feels like no one is immune to this disease of inequality in the home because it takes GREAT effort to undo what year and years and years of gender inequality have done to our household roles--and ain't no frazzled mom got the time or energy it would take to even things out. It's easier to just do it herself and move on to the next thing. 

BUT! We can try. And I've decided to try harder because it's important to me to model a different way for Charlie Mae as she gets older.

I've sent Ben some Required Reading (he loves when I do this) and fellow Household Managers, if this post speaks to you, you can do the same. If you haven't already, read the following articles and then send them to your partner!

• You Should've Asked: A MUST-READ in comic form. It explains how we got here and offers solutions!
• Women Aren't Nags--We're Just Fed Up: YASSSSSS. 
• The Default Parent: A really funny take on this same subject. 
  
  

And once you've done that, do some of the small things that Emma recommends at the end of her "You Should've Asked" comic:

• Go back and start from the beginning and divide up recurring chores.
• Learn to be okay with things lying around until your partner handles them (if it's one of his duties). 
• When you remember to do so, purposefully leave the house without preparing everything for your partner and make him handle things on his own (this is how we learn!). 
  
  

We can do it, you guys. Household Managers UNITE!

I feel like a new person! I have a new lease on life! With just a few taps of my finger, I took back control of my mental state and low-level anxiety. I know this might sound dramatic, but I'm telling you guys, it's real.

Last week, prompted by a therapy session and a feeling that no matter how hard I was trying, I just wasn't able to be as present as I wanted on my days "off" with my daughter, I decided to try--just for a day--turning off the push notifications on my phone.

[Sidenote for those who don't know: "push notifications" are the alerts that pop-up whenever you get a new message, a like, a new friend or follower, a text, an email, a reminder from an app, etc.] 

I'd turned off my email notifications long ago (I've actually never had them turned on), but was still getting almost all of the Facebook, Facebook Messenger, and Instagram notifications. And if you're as active as I am on social media, that means I was getting A LOT of notifications.

My phone was lighting up all day long and even on days that I was "off," I was feeling the pull of my online biz {via social media} in a big way. I guess it's been like this for a long time, but now that I'm a mother and am trying to have better boundaries between my work-time and my family/Charlie Mae-time, this has become a bigger issue for me. 

Thus, last week, on Thursday morning when Charlie Mae started stirring in her crib, I went into my phone's settings and turned off all of my social media notifications. All of them. Then I put up an Instagram post--knowing that I wouldn't immediately see if someone commented on it or liked it--and then went upstairs to snuggle my girl. 

You guys: the swift relief I felt from making this little change was pretty staggering. Without the reminders popping-up on my screen all day, I stopped feeling the pull of my phone immediately. Of course I still checked my accounts and feeds throughout the day, but now I had to be intentional about it. I had to think, 'Okay, I'm going to go get my phone and check my Instagram account right now,' instead of reacting to my phone when it called out to me. 

It was actually eerie how much of a difference I noticed in just one day.

It's now been 5 full days with no notifications on my phone and I can tell you [with confidence] that I will not go back to that horrible place where I was constantly plagued by notifications (only a slight exaggeration).

I'm done with the constant alerts about things that are happening in the cyberworld; I want to live in the real world. OBVIOUSLY I'm not going anywhere when it comes to social media, but I am going to decide when and how I use it from here on out. 

If you, too, feel any sort of low-lying anxiety, pull, or urgency about what's happening on your phone (or even worse, your watch--eeekkk!), I urge you to try turning off your notifications and see if it makes a difference. Just for a day. And then you can decide where you want to go from there...

It really, truly, *finally* feels like spring on Cape Cod! For real this time! We had our first two 70+ degree days in a row this week and it was seriously mood-altering. I went to the beach, worked outside on the back deck, did my Momma Strong workouts outside, and Charlie Mae and I spent almost 2 hours at the playground yesterday; warm weather is life-changing.

How was your week? I hope equally-energizing and beautiful. Here are a few of the simple things that brought me joy over the past 7 days (warning: many of these #SJOTW are about the warm weather, I couldn't help myself!)...

HEAR: "Walking in the Sun" by PANG!
This song was the perfect anthem for me this week ;) I found it on Spotify (of course), included it on my new May playlist, and have been loving it ever since. Listen below:

SEE: Sayde at the beach // Charlie Mae at the playground (aka, my girls enjoying the warm weather, as mentioned above)
Finally being able to enjoy this beautiful place where we live is such a gift. I think our long ass winter and lingering cool temps have led me to be even more thankful for the warmth than I ever have been before, and I know Sayde and Charlie Mae are feeling the same way. At the playground yesterday, Charlie Mae would shout, "I wuv it!!!!" every 15 minutes or so, and I felt like doing the same. In her own way, Sayde uttered the same sentiments on our walk at the beach the day before. THE SUN: WE WUV IT!!!  

TASTE: Ben's birthday dinner (+ cake!)
We celebrated Ben's birthday with family last weekend and the meal was INCREDIBLE. His mom made his favorite homemade Chicken Parmesan with pasta and salad, and we finished with my homemade Sour Cream Pound Cake (which you know I only make twice per year--just on family birthdays!). Yum. 

SMELL: Apple Cider Vinegar, fresh ginger, + lemon water
If you've seen one of my Instagram stories over the past few days, you'll know that I'm a week into drinking this beverage every morning when I wake up and it's been great. I'm doing it because I've heard of ALL of the health benefits of doing this for *SO* long now (Google it) that I thought I should get on the bandwagon. Definitely gets you up + moving! 

​TOUCH: Sand between my toes
I usually wear my sneaks for walks on the beach (so I can walk faster and my feet won't get beat up) but for this first long walk of the season I just couldn't. The warm sand felt like a little mini-pedicure on my toes and I even walked into the cold water a few times just to soak it all up. I sure missed you, beach. And man I love living 5 minutes from the beach. 

There you have it! Quick programming note: there will be no #SJOTW next Friday because I'll be traveling to visit my BFFs (with Charlie Mae in tow) in TN. Bringing my laptop and toddler--along with all of the other gear that requires--is just too much. I'm sure you understand ;) 

I hope you have a wonderful weekend chock full o' simple joys!

There was a day last week when I was feeling pretty frazzled. Mentally, I was being pulled in two different directions: it was a non-daycare day, so Charlie Mae was home with me, but I also had a bunch of client emails coming in about work that needed to be done ASAP.

The two places where I put most of my time + energy were competing in my mind--my work needed me and my daughter needed me. And I needed them both. 

I found myself feeling that familiar sense of anxiety creep in...and a sense of resentment and undirected anger. I never have enough time for all of my work. I hate having to choose between my daughter and my work. I hate feeling like I never get to spend as much time with Charlie Mae as I want to...

And then out of nowhere, I was struck with a thought: but I have chosen this life. And I continue to choose it again and again. I have TOTAL free will when it comes to my situation and I have made all of the choices that have led me to this moment. And I continue to make those same choices. 

We could add another day of daycare if I really wanted to or needed to. Our daycare has the space and we can afford it. Or I could take on less work so that I don't have as much on my plate; of course we need my income, but we could make it work if that's what I wanted.  

But I don't want to put my child into another day of daycare because I would miss her too much and it would make me too sad. And I don't want to scale back my work any more than I already have because I enjoy it too much and I love the sense of purpose and satisfaction that it gives me. 

So I choose this. It's messy and lacks the boundaries and padding that I like, but it's what I want. And I'll continue to choose it until [or unless] there comes a time when it is truly no longer working. But until then, I want to let go of the anger and frustration that I feel towards no one (myself?) around my chosen situation.

There is no perfect balance, or job, or home-life situation. Anyone who makes it look like they've got it all figured out doesn't--not really, not one hundred percent. But maybe what sets me apart from the person who seems to have things more "figured out" is that she has accepted her situation and learned to work with it.

Therefore, this is going to be my new mantra every time I start to feel those negative feelings bubble up: I choose this. I have chosen this. I keep choosing this. If I am not happy with things, I can make another choice and change them.

But for now, I choose this. 

Hey, Friday! This week was so fast and so fun and so normal and I loved it. I'm feeling really grateful this morning, despite waking up with tons to do (but no childcare) and making a classic tired person mistake: I tried to be sweet and make Ben's coffee for him before he got up, but forgot to add the coffee grounds ;) Oops!

Anyways, lets chat simple joys before my baby wakes up! How was your week? Here are a few of the simple, sensory pleasures that made me smile...

HEAR: Charlie Mae singing "Happy Birthday"
It was Ben's birthday yesterday (35!) and Charlie Mae has been singing "Happy Birthday" all week long because of it. She doesn't know all of the words and is still a bit shy about singing sometimes, but she LOVES the song and her little singing voice kills me. Kills me. It's so squeaky and quiet and musical and I can't get enough. 

SEE: In the Company of Women by Grace Bonney
Have you heard of this book? Grace Bonney of Design*Sponge wrote it and it features "inspiration and advice from over  100 makers, artists, and entrepreneurs." It's REALLY inspiring. Also, she did an incredible job of featuring unique women from all over and all walks of life. I've had a hard time reading it before bed because I keep having to stop, pull out my phone, and jot down a quote I want to remember. So good! 

TASTE: Chimichurri Sauce from Spoon and Seed
Locals, have you had this incredible sauce at Spoon and Seed? It's the best! We went there for Ben's birthday breakfast yesterday and as usual, I got an omelet that came with this sauce. It's so tasty and I loved every minute of eating it. Just watch out for the cilantro/parsley in your teeth ;) 

SMELL: Flowers blooming
Finally!!!! It felt like spring would never come and now it's finally starting to blossom around here! It's like I forget--every year--how exciting it is when color starts to pop up all over the place/in unexpected little corners of the world. Charlie Mae is also marveling at the flowers, which has made it extra-special this year. Three cheers for Spring!

TOUCH: Backpack carrier 
I mentioned this backpack carrier briefly last week, but I have to highlight it as an official "Simple Joy" this week because it has been a game-changer. Charlie Mae is at that age where she doesn't like to be in her stroller for very long anymore (because she wants to walk on her own, duh!) but she's not a fast enough walker to go on long walks or hikes yet. Enter the backpack carrier, which has allowed us to go on tons of long walks in the woods, which I couldn't love more. Charlie Mae loves it, too, and so does Ben (we went on a long family hike last Sunday and it was the best). 

So many more, but I'll stop there ;) What brought you joy over the past week? Can you find some time to reflect today...? And before I close, a few quick reminders and announcements:

-I've got two workshops coming up/rapidly approaching! Both are at Centerville Yoga + Wellness Center in May:

• The Journey to Self-Love (co-leading with Erin of Beautiful.NaturalAwakening): Sunday, May 6th from 2-4pm
• Slow Down, Restore, + Recharge: Friday, May 18th from 6-8p

-Just 3 more days on enter the "Ultimate Yogi Instagram Giveaway" that I'm a part of...follow me on IG for all of the details! I'll repost the directions in my feed + story today ;) 

​-My May newsletter will come out next week. If you're not on the list you can sign up below:

Have a WONDERFUL weekend, everyone! See you back here on Tuesday ;)