Before having my second child 3.5 months ago, I knew that life with two kids would be bananas. But what I didn't yet know or understand was why it would be bananas.

In a general sense, I understood that taking care of a baby and a toddler at the same time would be hard; there would be another person to keep happy and healthy and therefore, mothering would take more time + energy, which would leave less time + energy for everything else.

But what I didn't understand was what this really meant. In practice, it means that there is absolutely NO time left for anything else--unless I am paying someone (or multiple people) to take care of my children.

And during the days and times in which both children are home with me (which is a lot of the time right now), it means that I'm responding to one child's needs while also anticipating the other child's needs EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF THE DAY.

Every. Single. Second. 

It means that when I sit down to nurse Teddy 7-8 times per day, Charlie Mae has either an "urgent" need that only I can fulfill or wants to drape her body over my opposite boob so that she can look into her brother's eyes while he eats [and distract him, which makes feeding way harder...but if I ask her to move I can expect tears and perhaps even a meltdown, which will upset Teddy and therefore make the feeding even harder + longer, so I just allow it].

It also means that every time I need to put Teddy down for a nap (approx. 4 times per day), Charlie Mae wants to come, too. So I have to do the entire routine with her on my heels, trying to keep her quiet and entertained in the darkened room until I rush her out while whispering "shhh" so that she doesn't startle her brother from his sleep-ready state.

It means *finally* getting both kids to bed around 8pm and then having zero--literally ZERO--left to give to anyone else: Ben ("Ugh, don't touch me!"), myself, my work, my friends/family, my unanswered text messages and emails from the day.

It means logistics at every turn: she wants to go to the playground and I am dying to get out of the house. But he needs a nap soon. And she'll need a snack packed and will need to go to the potty and get dressed before we leave, and by the time all of that realistically happens he'll be overtired and the nap will be harder or he'll be crying. So do we stay home and just put him down in his crib and try for an outing after the next nap, or risk it and hope he naps in the carrier at the playground?

The mental calculations are exhausting.

When I get it right, I feel like supermom. When I get it wrong, we're all in tears (or internal tears in my case, because mama needs to hold it together). 

But the other thing I didn't anticipate is how much harder my toddler would become in comparison to my infant. A baby alone? That now feels easy. A toddler alone? Doable. But a baby and a toddler together? The effort-expended is multiplied exponentially. Charlie Mae's toddler impatience and emotional swings get exacerbated by my unavailability and because it's "hard to share a mama," I feel pulled in a million directions while simultaneously failing both of my children at the exact same time. 

Also, Charlie Mae's lifelong preference for Mommy has become more intense than ever and her sleep isn't as steady as it used to be. Her picky eating habits have become stronger, as have her preferences, her boundary-pushing experiments, and her amazingly dramatic personality. She's a force to be reckoned with and also a force to be held and loved and comforted for many of my waking hours. But I still have a baby to care for and love on, too. 

See what I'm getting at? It's just a lot. And I know so many of you have been here before or will come after me so I know I am not alone in these sentiments, but they're new to me and I'm still learning to navigate them as they change on a daily basis. 

But you know what else two children means (and I know you knew this was coming)?

All of the love, laughter, and pure joy multiplied exponentially, too. It's days peppered with moments so beautiful I could explode into one million pieces. It's belly-laughing until I'm crying at something Charlie Mae says and smiling at Teddy so much that my face hurts (this actually happens way more than you'd expect, haha).

It's knowing there is nowhere more important than where I am right now in this moment. It's knowing that when it comes down to it, everything else truly can wait. It's everything we teach in yoga and then some--and to be honest, mothering is my yoga these days.

So to sum things up and as many wise mothers before me have said in as many words, motherhood is all of the emotions all at once, all the time. Just multiply that by two, and that's where I'll be hanging out through the end of 2019.

​Onward, ho! 

PS. I know I've been neglecting the blog since I had Teddy and I'm so sorry about that! However, I've been super regular + active on Instagram so if you want to see TONS of kid/baby/life pics, head on over there :) 

Thanks so much for all of your help picking my final apparel designs for this season's yoga-inspired tops! The winners/most-loved designs are above + below and are now available for pre-order {at a discounted rate} in my Etsy shop THROUGH next Wednesday, 10/16.

​After pre-orders close the prices will increase and you'll no longer be guaranteed to get the size you want, so be sure to order soon if you want one...

Also, due to quite a few requests, I'm bringing back my "May All Beings Everywhere Be Happy and Free -Peace on Earth" design, but this time it will be printed on a heather teal tank. You can view that design below, as well. 

Happy shopping and as always, thanks for your support! As you can see, I'm slowly easing back into work and regular life from maternity leave, so hope to pop-up back here on the blog sooner rather than later ;) 

In case you missed it on social media, let me introduce you to the newest member of our family, Theodore "Teddy" Starr Vaneria (more pics at the bottom of this post)!

He was born on Friday, July 12th at 3:17am, weighing 8 lbs 10.3 oz. and measuring 21" tall. We brought him home on Sunday, July 14th and are all [obviously] COMPLETELY in love with him--especially his big sister, who cannot stop hugging and kissing him every chance she gets. 

As promised--and because I love reading other people's birth stories--I wanted to share Teddy's birth story before I start to forget all of the important details. As a quick summary for those who don't want to read the novel that follows, I'll just say that this birth was the exact opposite of Charlie Mae's traumatic birth (which you can read about here). I left this birth experience feeling strong, empowered, and healed, for which I am so grateful.

You can read all of the nitty gritty details below: 

On the week of Teddy's birth, starting on Monday night, I started having period-like cramps. In fact, the cramping that I felt on Monday night was intense enough that I started to wonder if it was the beginning of labor; when I went into labor with Charlie Mae it started as cramps just like these, so I thought the same thing might be happening again with Teddy. But as the week wore on, the cramps continued with no sign of real labor, so I stopped reading into them.

Then on Thursday, July 11th, Charlie Mae and I were out on our usual morning walk when I started to feel the cramps more intensely. We got home from our walk and went to the grocery store. As we walked around Whole Foods, I found myself slowing down and holding my belly with each cramp, and thought that perhaps I should start timing them when I got home, just to see if they were somewhat regular. 

When we got home around 11:30am, I used the app on my phone to time the cramps and sure enough, they were somewhat regular, each between about 5-10 mins apart. I kept paying attention to them throughout the next few hours and when Ben got home around 1:30, I told him that I might be in the beginning stages of labor. At these words he got bug-eyed and crazy looking (haha!), and I told him not to freak out (LOL) but to start preparing as if I was going to go into labor that night, just in case. 

Over the next few hours as Charlie Mae napped, we slowly packed up, cleared the beach stuff out of the trunk of my car, called Ben's mom to ask her to come sleep over, and prepared ourselves for a nighttime labor, just in case. The contractions continued to intensify and become more and more regular slowly throughout the day, and around 5pm we went for a family walk during which I started to feel them even more and had to start walking much slower than usual. 

We had dinner as a family (I ate a big meal in case it would be my last for a while), I put Charlie Mae to bed--bending over her crib to have a few intense contractions while I did so--and then Ben and I came to the conclusion that this was the real deal, so we should try and go to bed early in an attempt to get some rest before things got serious. I called my midwives and alerted my doula that I was in the beginning stages of labor and would probably be coming in sometime in the next 12-ish hours, and then we climbed into bed. 

But silly me! To think I could sleep through these contractions! By 9pm they were intense enough that with each contraction I had to jump out of bed, lean over the bed, move my hips, and moan. I was having back labor again (which happened during my entire labor with Charlie Mae) and the contractions were STRONG. I eventually moved into the nursery so Ben could sleep and labored on my own, each contraction more and more sensational than the last (and stronger than I thought they should be at this time). 

Around midnight I called the midwife again and asked her what she thought I should do about coming in. I was set on laboring at home as long as possible, but also had a 25-min drive to the hospital so was worried about having these intense contractions in the car and about making it in time. 

I should also pause to mention that I was positive for Group B Strep this time around. For those who don't know, GBS is a bacteria that can live in the vagina of 25% of healthy women and doesn't affect the woman, but can be transmitted to the baby during labor and if it is transmitted, can be dangerous. It's really not an issue if the mom gets intravenous antibiotics every 4 hours during labor, but it is important to get these antibiotics to protect your baby, so that made it important that I get to the hospital in time to get those antibiotics in me before I had the babe. 

SO...when I called my midwife and she could hear how intense things had gotten, she told me I should come in--especially because I needed to get the antibiotics. I woke Ben up, said let's hit the road, and we did. 

<OH MAN THAT DRIVE TO THE HOSPITAL!!!!>

On the 25-minute drive, I had about 6 or 7 contractions. Taking them sitting down was miserable; we had all of the windows down and I was just throwing back my head and moaning like a wild animal. In fact, if there's one theme to Teddy's labor and birth, it's that I turned into the most raw, primal, animalistic version of a person that could ever exist--I was only tapped into the sensations in my body and didn't care AT ALL about anything else happening around me. 

We got to the hospital around 12:45 or 1am, walked to the maternity unit (I was offered a wheelchair but DID NOT want to sit again), and were immediately escorted into the tub room, which is the room I had requested when we called. My midwife came in and checked me and said I was at 5 or 6 cm dilated, so she was glad I came in. They hooked me up to a fetal monitoring device in order to get a "20 minute strip" on the baby's activity and started getting me set up for IV antibiotics while I continued to labor leaning over the bed. 

The next little while was spent trying my best to get through my crazy contractions while they did the intake basics and got what they needed from me. All I wanted to do was get in the tub and get some relief, but they had to fill it (which takes FOREVER) and get the stats on the babe in my belly, which was hard because I kept moving to get through the contractions, which would knock the monitor out of place, which would then lead to the nurse having to move it again to get a read and thus, made it take a lot longer. 

As I labored on the bed (now on hands and knees) waiting for the tub to fill and the fetal monitoring to be over, my water broke and things started to get even more intense. A little after this I was checked again and pronounced to be around 9cm (so those last 3-4 cm happened in just an hour or so), but I was not fully effaced yet (there was just one tiny part of my cervix left) so I was told we had a little more to go before I could start to push.

This same thing happened when I was in labor with Charlie Mae and I was told to push too early, which is thought to be one of the main reasons that things started to go in the wrong direction, so I was very nervous about pushing too early again and took their advice. 

At some point around this same time the tub was finally ready and I was allowed to get in, which was a GAME-CHANGER. Getting in the tub gave me the tiny bit of relief that I needed in order to get through the last 30 minutes or so of contractions before I had to get out and push.

While I was in the tub I had my "bloody show" (ugh I hate that term!) and everyone told me not to worry, that this meant things were about to happen. Right after this, I started getting the urge to push with each contraction. I had just been checked and had been told that I wasn't totally effaced yet, so everyone told me to hold off on pushing. This was SO crazy hard because I felt like I no longer had any control over my body, but I didn't actively push any harder than my body was doing on it's own with each contraction.

My time spent laboring in the tub was marked by loud noises (I kept having to be reminded to keep them low and deep, and tried to do this by saying "opppeeeennn" in a low, loud voice, encouraging my body to open), but the sensations were so intense that this was very hard.

While I was in the tub my amazing doula arrived (things had gone so fast that although she left home as soon as we got to the hospital, she didn't get there until the very end of my labor) and she started helping me with the back labor by taking over for Ben, who was applying counter-pressure on my back with each contraction and saying very encouraging things to me. Her presence had an immediate calming effect and definitely made me feel even more confident in my ability to get through this. 

As my urges to push got stronger and stronger and I started yelling "I'm pushing!" with each contraction, they told me to get out of the tub so I could be checked once more and so that I could push if it was time (we had decided before labor that I would push on either hands and knees or on my side so that my risk of tearing would be lower, considering I had an episiotomy and 4th degree tear when I had Charlie Mae).

Thus, I got out of the tub (INTENSE!), got up onto the bed (INTENSE!), and my midwife checked me again (INTENSE!). The good news? I was ready to push! The bad news? Teddy's heart rate was dropping with each contraction so they wanted me to try and push him out quickly. 

And that's just what we did! I got on my side holding a leg up and my birth team guided me through how to push with each contraction. They were extremely encouraging and somehow--although it felt impossible at the time--I pushed him out in about 5-7 pushes (not sure exactly how many). At one point they even had me reach down and feel his head, which was both encouraging ("he's coming!") and discouraging ("he's nowhere near out yet!)". 

When Teddy came into the world, I felt an immediate flood of relief. Physically, it was a high like no other because the pain was finally gone. They put him on my belly--his cord was short so he didn't reach all the way up onto my chest--and then for a few seconds, things got scary: he was floppy and purple and wasn't crying. I started screaming "Why isn't he crying?" and the nurses quickly cut the cord and whisked him across the room. They sucked some fluid out of his nose and mouth and gave him some pats and he started crying and all was well, but in those 5-10 seconds when he wasn't moving or making any noises, I was completely panicked. Ben had to leave and go into the bathroom because he thought he was going to faint. But as soon as Teddy was aware and crying, they brought him back over to me and laid him on my chest. Once I knew he was okay, I felt complete. 

We were later told that because I had pushed him out so quickly, he may have just been stunned (or his lungs might not have been compressed for as long as usual) and just needed second to get acclimated to the world outside. But whatever the case, that one scary moment did not cloud the experience as a whole because otherwise, it was all pretty incredible. 

Once Teddy was on my chest and we started introducing him to breastfeeding for the first time, I was able to push out the placenta and was then given a bit of pitocin to help with the bleeding. I was then stitched up (I had a 2nd degree tear--WAY better than last time!) and we were done except for the excruciating contractions that came with breastfeeding and the uterus massages that I was given every once in a while to help my uterus return to it's normal size. 

Within an hour, everyone was gone, the lights were low, my birth playlist was still playing softly, Ben was asleep in a rocking chair next to my bed, and Teddy was nursing on my chest. It was just me and my doula, Lindsay, who hung around for a little longer and then left so we could rest and have some time as a family. Of course I couldn't sleep until way later in the day because I was so hyped up on adrenaline and oxytocin and pure LOVE.

For the next few days as we recovered, I just couldn't believe what had happened: how quickly Teddy came into the world, how raw + unfiltered the experience was, how strong I felt after doing what I had hoped to do. It was the hardest thing I'd ever done and yet I had done it and now I had a beautiful baby in my arms. It felt like a miracle (and still does, 10 days later). 

So there you go. I think I'll close this novel here and talk more about the postpartum experience (thus far) in a future post, but I just want to say thank you AGAIN to all of you who encouraged me to try for the birth I wanted this second time around. It was so helpful to hear all of your positive second birth experiences and recommendations on resources, tools, etc. I am so thankful for your support and so thankful for this experience. 

Here are a few more pics of Teddy/the fam for those who missed them on Instagram!

Well, here we are: my last day of daycare this week and thus, my last full "work day" before our new baby comes. Sure, technically he could come a week or so after my due date, which would mean I'd have a few more daycare days before he arrives, but I'm pretty much closing things down this week so I'm calling today my last real work day (plus I taught my last yoga class on Saturday!). 

As my due date draws nearer, I've been getting lots of questions about preparing for birth this time around: how I feel going into it again, what I'm doing differently to try and avoid the traumatic experience that I had last time, etc., so I thought that for my final post before baby (which is what I've decided this is...), I'd share my hopes + dreams for this labor--obviously something I have ABSOLUTELY no control over, which I'm even more aware of now...

Just like when I was preparing for Charlie Mae's birth, I hope to have an unmedicated birth experience this time; I want to be able to feel and remember everything that happens in my body, both good and bad.

So in order to set myself up for this experience as much as possible, I (or we) hired an amazing doula (shout-out Lindsay!). I am confident that having her with us during labor will make us much more comfortable throughout the entire experience, no matter what happens. And I'm hopeful that all of the tools she has in her toolbox will allow for more mid-labor troubleshooting that could help us avoid what happened last time around. 

I also really want to labor in the water. I spent 3/4 of my 36-ish hour labor with Charlie Mae in the shower, as it was one of the only things that provided me any sort of relief from my back labor, so I've changed hospitals to a hospital that, while further away, has a birthing tub.

My hope is to labor in this tub as long as possible and then get out only to push. While I would LOVE to have a water birth, I've been advised that this might not be best for me since I had an episiotomy last time (considered a 4th degree tear and makes me more susceptible to tearing again).

Another aspect of changing hospitals is that it feels like a clean slate and a fresh start. Although I don't blame anyone or anything about the hospital where I had Charlie Mae for how traumatic her birth was, it was traumatic for me nonetheless, and I think going back there might be a little triggering. Going somewhere that looks different and has a completely different staff feels like a chance for a re-do, which is mentally something I needed to feel before jumping back into this big physical journey. 

I've also been listening to only positive birth stories similar to the birth I would like (on The Birth Hour) to help with my confidence and get me back into the birthing mindset. I've been doing my Spinning Babies exercises multiple times per day to get my currently-posterior [AGAIN] baby to turn around inside the womb. I've got my hospital bag mostly packed and my checklists read to go. I'm starting to feel ready! 

At this point, I'm getting really excited about meeting our little guy and once again, trusting that my body can do this--especially now that I've done it before, birth trauma or not. Positive thinking is what I've got to hold onto now and I'm holding on with all my might. 

Thank you SO much for all of your love + encouragement throughout this pregnancy (and as I mourned the loss before it). I can't wait to share our new baby with you once he's here!!!

​Stay tuned on social media for updates and I promise to share here on the blog ASAP after he's born :) 

Just wanted to wish you a very happy Independence Day and let you know that no, I haven't had the baby yet, but will be taking tomorrow off from #SJOTW to soak up these last few days (hopefully not weeks!?) as a family of 3 and mother to just 1 ;) 

Have an amazing long weekend and I'll see you back here next week (unless we undergo a big life change before then!).  

As usual, we've been hard at work over at Starr Struck Design Studio pumping out client projects and trying to wrap-up some of the longer-term projects before I head out on maternity leave!

Thus, before I pop-out and these recently-completed logo + website designs become old news, here's a quick rundown of a few of the things we've been working on recently...

Project #1: Centered Pilates + Yoga Logo and Website Design
Centered is a brand new boutique pilates + yoga studio here on the Cape, located in Orleans. The owner, April Smith Tesson, is a teacher who I've known and worked with since moving here back in 2013 (I've done quite a bit of design work for her in the past, too!), so I was honored when she reached out about creating her new logo and website. I LOVE her aesthetic and attention to detail and am very happy with what we came up with together.

​You can view her logo above (obviously) and her website below (click on the image to visit the real thing). And if you're local, go check her out!  

​Project #2: Heart Centered Living Logo(s)
Another long-time client (who is also a serial entrepreneur), Sarah Dickey, had us create two logos (primary and secondary) for her newest business endeavor, Heart Centered Living, under which she offers hypnotherapy, spiritual work, and yoga teaching. You may remember Sarah from a recent post I did about some of the work I've done for her other company, Cool Creative Press--she's fabulous!

​Project #3 (lots of projects all-in-one!): Apparel Illustration/Design for Cool Creative Press
Speaking of Cool Creative Press, here are some more illustrations I've done for her recently (some of the others that I've done in the past can be found here). These illustrations are all based on quotes from her books and she uses them on shirts, as prints, on tote bags, etc. 

Project #3: Provisions Logo
I'm not going to say much about Provisions because they haven't launched yet and I want to let them be the ones to make the announcement about their amazing business when they do, but suffice it to say that I loved working on this logo with the Provisions team (we went through so many iterations before landing on this one) and I'm really happy with what we came up with. The primary logo is below, as well as a secondary logo that includes a subtitle, and the "forks" design elements I created for them.

Project #4: Maaa's Monogram Boutique Logo and Website
The talented mompreneur + founder of Maaa's, Heather, reached out to me a few months ago about wanting to get her new monogram business up-and-running quickly, and as soon as she was ready, we made it happen! We created Heather's logo and website in a matter of weeks and I'm very proud of the final products that we pulled together.

​Her logo is below and you can hop on over to her new website to shop all of the amazing clothing she has available to personalize (available monogrammed or not, if monograms aren't your thing). 

A huge thank you to all of these amazing clients for trusting us with your design needs AND to all of our other clients who aren't featured in this post but who we've been working closely with on projects over the past few months.
We love you all and I'll definitely miss working for you while I'm out on maternity leave!

Also, gratitude x 1000000 to my right-hand woman, Sara, who will be keeping our little biz running while I'm out having a baby ;) 

Interested in working with us? Learn more about our services here and/or reach out with questions. 

Happy last few days in June! I hope this month treated you well and you're as excited as I am to welcome July (my due month!).

I've got lots to do today so let's jump right into SJOTW; here's what brought me joy over the past 7 days...what made you smile?

HEAR: Taylor Swift's greatest hits [played during dance parties with Charlie Mae, who is T. Swift's newest fan]
Charlie Mae recently discovered "Shake It Off" at day care, and ever since she's become a total Swifty (is that what they call them nowadays? No clue). And even though I've gotten a bit sick of "Shake It Off" at this point (we often listen to it on repeat for at least 20 mins straight), I do think it's hilarious hearing her sing the lyrics and I've loved introducing her to some of my other T. Swift faves during our epic dance parties.

SEE: A Star is Born
I've wanted to see this movie ever since it first came out/was in theaters, but life conspired against me and that never happened. After it left theaters, I would sporadically check online to see when it would come to one of the streaming services and it was always months away...until it finally hit HBO this month and I *finally* got a chance to watch it last weekend! It was so heartbreaking but it was a really amazing movie with incredible music, just as I'd expected. 

TASTE: Date night dinner at Sesuit Harbor Cafe
Ben and I had a lovely date night last weekend! Thinking it might be our last before this babe comes, we did it up and went to our favorite outdoor dinner spot and then got ice cream--all early enough to make it home to put Charlie Mae to bed ourselves (as she prefers, haha). It was so fun and delicious! A HUGE thanks to Ben's Aunt Nancy for staying with our girlie while we went out. 

SMELL: Summer toddler
If you have a toddler, you probably know this smell. It's a mixture of sunscreen, fruit, sweat, and your child's amazing natural scent. I love it when Charlie Mae smells like this because it means she's been living her best summery, outdoors-based life. And when Ben got home from work the other day and kissed her and said, "I love that smell," I knew exactly what he was talking about ;) 

​TOUCH: The ocean/saltwater
We had the PERFECT beach day last Sunday and as usual, it made me feel incredibly grateful to live so close to the beach and in such a beautiful place. Also, for the first time this season, the water felt amazing! I didn't go all the way in (still too chilly for that) but it was super refreshing on my feet and legs. 

And that's it for me this week! I hope you can find some time to reflect on your simple joys today, too. Also, not sure how many #SJOTW I have left in me before this babe arrives, but I'm thinking it will just be another 1-2...can you believe it!?!?

Have a great last weekend in June and I'll see ya back here in July!

Well, here we are: my last Audio Yoga Class before I head out on maternity leave. But while I won't be releasing any new audio classes for the next 3-4 months, there are 23 different classes in my "feed" at this point so I think that should be more than enough to keep you occupied ;) 

Here are the details about this month's class...

Class Description: In this 1-hour audio yoga class we focus on awakening and energizing the body by opening the spine, heart center, quadriceps, and shoulders. This class is not for beginners; experienced practitioners only. Recorded live.

*Note: it might be handy to have 2 blocks available for this class! But you can definitely do it without them if you don't have access to blocks. 

How to Listen: You can listen directly from this website (player below) or on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher (search "Starr Struck Yoga: Live Yoga Classes"). If you subscribe to this "podcast" wherever you listen to podcasts, you will automatically get each new class that I post in your podcast feed on your phone. 
​
A Note About the Audio Quality: These classes are not professional recordings, so you will hear me mess up, you'll hear students sneeze, you'll hear me whisper a specific instruction to a specific student, and at times, the audio quality might not be the best. Apologies, but hey, they're free and as authentic as you can get without being in the actual class! ;) ​

Thanks for practicing with me!

Happy first official day of summer/summer solstice! Can you believe it's already here? And as usual, this week FLEW by! ​So let's slow it down and reflect on the past 7 days, shall we? Here are some of my favorite simple, sensory joys from the past week...

HEAR: Charlie Mae's made-up songs
Is there anything better than listening to a toddler sing made-up songs loudly? Especially when they narrate what's happening at the moment while singing (ie. "I'm going to the grocery store with my mommy and my daddy and we're in the car and I'm buckled in my carseat...")? It's the CUTEST and I'll never stop being tickled by it. Gosh these toddler days are adorable (and so, so, so tough, too). 

SEE: Always Be My Maybe {Netflix Original RomCom}
It's been a loooooonnnggg time since I've watched a RomCom; I don't watch much TV these days and when I do it's usually a show with Ben (and he's not a huge RomCom guy). But last weekend when he was coaching basketball until rather late, I decided to watch this movie that I'd been hearing about and it did not disappoint. It was a classic RomCom in the best of ways and I really enjoyed it! I need to get back to my RomCom roots STAT. I miss them!

TASTE: Homemade Brownies 
We had a Father's Day get-together with Ben's extended family last weekend and one of his aunts made some *delicious* homemade brownies. I hadn't had brownies in a long time and they were melt-in-your-mouth incredible. Charlie Mae, who had never had a brownie before, agreed (lol). 

SMELL: Ouidad VitalCurl Define & Shine Styling Gel-Cream
I've been using this gel to style my hair in the summers (scrunch + air-dry) for quite a few years now, but this week was the first time that I'd used it in 2019 and I'd forgotten how good it smelled. I'd also forgotten how great it is to let your hair air-dry into wavy curls on a hot day! It's so much easier (and cooler). 

TOUCH: Afternoon catnaps
I've reached the point in my pregnancy where I'm always pretty tired and if I were to lie down--no matter the time of the day--I could fall asleep. So, for the past week or two on the days when Charlie Mae is home from daycare and I put her down for her nap, I've gotten SO tired that I've had no choice but to take a quick snooze (15-30 mins) on the couch before tackling my usual nap time to-do list. I'm normally not a great napper but I am right now and these quick naps have been life-savers.  

...That's it for me this week! I hope you can find the time to reflect on your simple, sensory joys of the week today, too. 

Have a lovely weekend!

​As of today, my due date is just 25 days away. With this in mind, I figured it was about time to fill you all in {current clients + students, potential clients, blog readers, audio class takers, etc.} on what's going to be happening in Starr Struck-land while I'm out on maternity leave.

If it isn't obvious, I should mention that when you work for yourself, you don't get paid leave of any kind. When I stop working for any period of time, I stop making money. That's just the way it is. But luckily, I have a husband who gets amazing paid paternity leave (he's taking 12 weeks off!) and we've known that this time of no income was ahead of us (clearly), so we were able to save so that I can take this time off without us being super stressed about finances the whole time. 

But of course it's weird to step away when you run your own business (or when you are the business). It's hard for me to hand off client projects, to get subs for my classes, to stop consulting, blogging, and teaching workshops on the regular. It's necessary and it's what I want to do to be totally present with my family, but it's really hard. 

Also, I learned some valuable lessons last time around, so I'm applying them to my plan for leave with this babe: last time I went back too early {because Charlie Mae was such a good sleeper from 6-10 weeks...HAHAHAHHAHAHA}, I tried to take on too much too quickly when I did go back, and I didn't have the right child care situation figured out (but of course I didn't know that until it was too late and I was completely overwhelmed). 

So, this time I'm giving myself 12 full weeks off of almost everything. I'll be handling emails twice per week (on Mondays and Thursdays) and dealing with any urgent needs as applicable. But otherwise, were's what my maternity leave will look like in the various branches of my business:

• Design Clients:  This is the one part of my business that will continue while I'm out because this is also the one part of my business in which I am not a solopreneur. My good friend + fellow designer Sara has been working for Starr Struck Design Studio for almost 4 years now and thankfully, will be handling all client needs while I'm out. It feels SO good to be able to continue serving our current clients and when possible, help new clients with their needs [through Sara] while I'm out. 
  
  
• Consulting: I will not be doing any consulting while I'm out on maternity leave. If a current consulting client needs advice on something super quickly via email, I'll be responding [quickly] during my designated email times each week, but otherwise, these services will be on hiatus for at least 12 weeks. 
  
  
• Custom Art: Done-zo for now! I'm happy to give referrals to other artists who might be able to meet peoples' needs while I'm out, but I'm not taking on any commissions until the end of October or later. 
  
  
• Etsy Shop: My Etsy shop will stay open! I'll be removing all of my custom order options, but prints, greeting cards, and apparel will still be available, since I can easily pop something in the mail on a day when Charlie Mae is at daycare and Ben is with the babe ;) 
  
  
• Teaching Yoga Classes: I've got "on-call" subs set up to takeover whenever I need them and then continue covering my classes for at least 12 weeks, or from early July to mid-October. I'm only teaching 3 classes per week right now as it is (all at Centerville Yoga), but will wait to resume those classes until I'm really ready.
  
  
• Teaching Yoga Workshops: I taught my last workshop in May and am thinking I probably won't teach another workshop until November or December at the earliest (and January at the latest). I love teaching workshops but they take a lot more prep, time away, and energy than a regular class, so right now I'm thinking I'll probably need a longer break from them. Sigh. 
  
  
• Blogging: As soon as I go into labor, this blog {and my email newsletter} will be on hiatus until further notice. Of course I'll pop-in here + there to share the birth story, baby pics, and give you quick updates, but my regularly-scheduled blog programming won't return for a while and when it does return, I think it will be different (as in less frequent/less regular). TBD, I guess...

And that's about it for now! I obviously have no idea when I'll go into labor so I'll keep blogging until I do, but if you see me go quiet here and on Instagram (my main social media community these days), just stay tuned and hopefully I'll be sharing a happy, healthy baby update ASAP ;) 

Thanks for your understanding as I take some time away from my business to be with my family! And fellow solopreneurs: I hope this shows  you that while it is a bit more complicated and takes more planning, it is doable to go on maternity leave when you work for yourself. 

It's been another tough week [more family issues], which is why I missed my normal weekly blog post for the first time in a LONG time; whoops!

But despite it being a hard week, there were still lots of lovely experiences sprinkled throughout...isn't that how life goes? The good and the bad all bundled up into one big mess of ups + downs...

So, here are some of the positive, simple joys that made this stressful week more enjoyable:

HEAR: Father of the Bride by Vampire Weekend
My dad + brothers turned me on to Vampire Weekend's new album and I'm loving it. I listened to it all week long and found it to be the perfect listen-while-working music. Check them out!

SEE: Charlie Mae catching "critters" at the beach
We've had some epic June beach days lately, and since I bought Charlie Mae her first little net last weekend, she's been LOVING catching what we call "critters" at the beach. These critters are mostly shells, sea snails, and tiny hermit crabs, but she gets a huge thrill out of catching them and then putting them into a bucket. It's beyond adorable to watch how excited she gets. {Don't worry--we put them back when she's done!}

TASTE: Family ice cream night
Is it weird/annoying if I list ice cream as a #SJOTW every week for the rest of my pregnancy? Because that just might happen. We've been going once per week as a family since it got warmer and I have to say, getting ice cream together and sitting outside to eat it really is the best. 

SMELL: Haircut
I got a haircut this week (my last before baby!) and it felt SO good to be pampered a bit. You know that just-styled, my-hair-smells-different-because-someone-else-did-it-with-different-products scent? I love it because it's a nice reminder that I took care of myself ;) 

TOUCH: Early morning walks
We went on two pre-work/pre-daycare family walks during the week this week and both were such a special way to start a regular day. Did Charlie Mae have to eat breakfast in her stroller to make it happen both mornings? Of course she did! But she loved it and so did we so it was a win all around. 

...And there ya go! I hope you can find some time to reflect on your simple joys of the week today, too. ​

Btw: we're 1 month out from my due date today. AHHHHHH! So crazy!

Have a wonderful weekend!

Another week has flown by! And I've got a toddler who is "ready to play" with me this morning (aren't they always!?) so this edition of #SJOTW will be short + sweet...

HEAR: 3 Girls, 1 Keith
Season #3 of Amy Schumer's podcast is finally out (on Spotify) and as expected, it's hilarious! I binged the whole season while I worked this week and loved it. I'm such an Amy Schumer fan. 

SEE: Back porch living
It's been a gorgeous week and because of this, we've been living on the back porch. I've been working out there every day, we've been eating all of our meals outside, we grilled out, and I've been working out and doing yoga back there, too. Now if only the pollen would go away, it would be PERFECT. 

TASTE: First Four Seas Ice Cream of the season!
We went to our favorite local ice cream spot, Four Seas, as a family last weekend! Charlie Mae obviously LOVED it (she finished hers and started in on mine) and so did her parents ;) Yum! I see lots more Four Seas in our future this summer...

{Btw: I interviewed the owners of Four Seas for Built on Cape Cod and they were SO interesting to talk to! I loved learning more about one of my fave local businesses. You can listen to the episode here.}

SMELL: Chicken Pot Pie from Centerville Pie Co.
This local pie shop (just a few mins from our house) is the best. We like to get a few frozen "dinner pies" from them and keep them in the freezer for nights when we have nothing on-hand for dinner. We enjoyed one this week and it was SO tasty. Plus, it smells delicious when baking in the oven!

TOUCH: Chiropractor adjustments
Thank goodness for the chiro! Adjustments from a good chiropractor are SUCH a life-saver--especially when you're pregnant and your hips and lower back and freaking out about it. If you're local, I can't recommend my chiro [Dr. Ryan Casagranda] enough. I always feel 10x better when walking out of his office. 

...And that's it for today! Hope you had a wonderful first week in June and that you can find some time to reflect on your SJOTW, too...

In April, The New York Times published an article about CorePower, the country's largest yoga studio chain, and the dark side of their teacher training program and the way in which they pay and recruit their teachers. The article (which I highly recommend you read if you're in the yoga world) has brought up a lot of conversations within the yoga community about how teachers are paid and whether or not teaching yoga is a viable source of income. 

This conversation has been particularly interesting to me as someone who has considered myself a full-time yoga teacher at a few different points over the past 10 years and as someone who wrote an e-book called "How to Earn a Living Teaching Yoga" in 2015. 

And while I still stand by all of what I said in that book and believe that the book still holds a lot of value for new yoga teachers, I've also seen the yoga teaching landscape change a lot in the time since writing this e-book. Similarly, I've experienced shifts in my own teaching, so I have a few new thoughts that I want to add to my past sentiments. 

Therefore, I wanted to share three follow-up observations and truths (or as some would say, "truth-bombs," LOL) that I think are relevant to this conversation in the hopes that these pieces of information will be helpful to some of the yoga teachers that read this blog, have read my e-book, and/or dream of turning yoga teaching into a full-time gig someday. 

I don't say these things to dissuade anyone from following his or her dreams of teaching yoga for a living, but rather, to be realistic about what it takes and about what I've seen happen around me as I've observed new teachers trying to teach yoga full-time over the past few years...

--

1. In order to make a lot of money teaching yoga, you need to be a good teacher--a really good teacher. And being a good teacher takes time, work, and lots of teaching.

There are A LOT of teachers, studios, gyms, and yoga classes out there these days. If you become a yoga teacher and you want to teach a lot of classes, it's fairly easy to find classes to teach; and you can make money teaching those classes, no question! But as more + more studios have opened and more + more teachers have flooded the market, pay rates have not increased at the same rate (or in many cases, at all).

Plus, running a studio when there is a ton of competition is expensive for studio owners, so in order to make running a studio financially viable, more studios have had to switch over to a "per head" payment model, which rewards teachers who have good class times and big classes (great for seasoned teachers!), and does little for teachers who teach at non-prime-times and who have small classes. 

For new teachers, it takes time to hone your skills, build your following, and get into "popular" time slots. This means that new teachers may be able to find classes to teach, but might make very, VERY little for the first couple of years that they teach. This, in turn, can often make it impossible to earn a living teaching yoga (especially at the beginning of your teaching career), no matter how many classes you teach per week. 


2. Teaching yoga full-time is SUPER exhausting. [I've said this many times before but I think it's worth reiterating here.]

Take it from me: at different times in my teaching career I've taught 20 classes per week, 12 classes per week, 8 classes per week, and just 3 classes per week. And I'm here to tell you from experience that teaching 20 classes per week (what many "full-time" yoga teachers have to teach to make enough to pay their bills) is not sustainable long-term. It's just not. 

Now can you teach 10 classes per week, workshops, teacher trainings, and a couple of private clients and make a good living in a more sustainable way? Yes, you can (and I've done it), but again, it's exhausting. Teaching yoga is just really tiring and I think newer teachers are often running on adrenaline, excitement, and passion, so they don't feel it right away.

But eventually, if you keep it up at a high frequency, it will wear you out. That's why I really do always recommend supplementing your yoga teaching income with something else either in the yoga world or in an entirely different industry (especially when you're starting out, but sometimes forever...). 


3. Teaching yoga requires A LOT of personal time spent prepping for your classes, doing continuing education, making playlists, etc., and all of that is unpaid. 
​
What we do for the sheer love of it at the beginning of a yoga teaching career can become a constant drain on your time and energy when you're teaching a ton of classes per week down the line. Making good playlists takes a lot of time. Planning well-thought-out classes takes a lot of time. Keeping things fresh + interesting for yourself and your students requires time spent on the mat learning, practicing with other teachers, and taking trainings (which also cost $$$).

All of the time that you spend on these kind of tasks is unpaid, but it's a part of the job if you want to be a "good" teacher and want to be able to make a living doing this thing you love. Does that mean it's not worth it? No, I don't think so, but it's important to keep in mind.

Oh, and the commuting! Shlepping yourself all over town for a class here and a class there also eats away at your free time (and often your stress levels) and is totally unpaid. 

--

I hope that this doesn't sound too negative. I hope it doesn't sound like I'm trying to discourage anyone from teaching yoga full-time. What I want it to do is add a sense of realism to the ongoing conversation about this topic that has taken place on my blog over the past 8-ish years (and while I never meant to glamorize teaching yoga, I'm afraid that at times I have because I love it so much!).

I should also point out (for anyone new to this blog and to my journey) that I am no longer teaching yoga full-time. There are many reasons for this, but one of the biggest is because it is so exhausting that I found teaching tons of classes per week to be too much after 5 or 6 years of doing so. 

But do I still love teaching yoga?  Yes. Do I still feel passionate about it? Absolutely. Do I still get energized from teaching?  Heck yes! Do I love my students?  SO much! However, that doesn't mean that I want to teach yoga full-time again any time soon. And that doesn't mean that you have to do so, either, especially if you give it a try and it feels like too much.

One last thing, on a more positive note: a really great aspect of teaching yoga as a part of how you earn a living is that you can scale up and scale down as needed over the years. You can have time periods where you teach a lot, others where you teach very little, and everything in between. But just know that no matter how much you're teaching and no matter how much you love it, it's not all sunshine + bunnies all the time in yoga-teaching-land ;) 

Last day of May, oh-em-gee!  I'll stop there because I don't want to become a broken record (too late for that?) but you know what I'm thinking <insert big eyes emoji here>. Also, the fact that tomorrow is June 1st means that my July 14th due date is right around the corner and that's just bananas.

So, to get our minds off of the quick passage of time, let's talk SJOTW, shall we? Here's what brought me happiness over the past 7 days... 

HEAR: "What Fresh Hell" Podcast
I've been looking for a good mom podcast (or #momcast as we call them in the biz, hahaha) for quite a while now. Last week, a fellow mama (shout-out Lindsay!) emailed me recommending I check out "What Fresh Hell," and I'm so glad that she did. It's funny, realistic, and down-to-earth. If you, too, are on the search for a momcast, I definitely recommend you check it out!

SEE: Alias Grace (on Netflix)
Alias Grace has been one of my favorite books ever since reading it for a high school English class. I've probably read it 3 or 4 times at this point, so when I finally talked Ben into watching the Alias Grace Netflix miniseries with me last weekend, I was pumped. We're only two episodes in so far but we're both into it and I'm so glad to see that they did the novel justice with this show. 

TASTE: GoodPop Organic Freezer Pops
As much as I like making our own popsicles out of 100% fruit juice, I always wish that our moulds weren't quite so big (for myself and for Charlie Mae). So last week, when I saw these 100% fruit juice freezer pops on sale at Whole Foods, I thought they would be a great, smaller popsicle option to have on hand--and they have been! They're delicious and the perfect [smaller] size. Yum :) 

SMELL: First cookout of the season/year!
We had our first cookout of the year on Monday and it was SO enjoyable. I had forgotten how great it is to be able to cook a bunch of delicious food on the weekend and then continue to eat it for dinner all week long. Also, the smell, the company (we had friends over), the outdoor living + eating...it's all so wonderful! Summer: we're ready for ya. 

TOUCH: Family walks + hikes
We went on two big family walks last weekend (one on the sidewalk, one in the woods) and both were really fun. I've been having a lot of pregnancy-related hip and lower back pain (I'm getting old and Charlie Mae is getting heavy!), but even so, it felt great to move and be together outdoors. Warm weather changes everything!

And there you go; another week (and another month) in the books. If you haven't had a chance to reflect on your SJOTW or even your Simple Joys of the Month, now's your chance to do so! 

I hope you have a wonderful weekend. 

In November 2017, I wrote a blog post about the difficulty of giving up yoga classes as my life situation has changed over the years. In the post I talked about how the way in which I defined myself (as a "yoga teacher") had changed, and how unexpectedly challenging and emotional it was to undergo these changes. I talked about my slow decrease in weekly classes from 15-20 per week, to 12 per week, to 10, then 8, and at the time of that post, down to just 4 classes per week after having Charlie Mae. 

Well, here I am today, just over two years later, and once again, I'm grappling with similar emotions. I recently gave up yet another class (at the beginning of April) and am still getting used to being home on Thursday nights after so many years away. I'm now down to teaching just 3 yoga classes per week (!!!!!), which is simply mind-boggling to me. And do you know what's even crazier? That 3 classes still feels like a lot of classes! I have no idea how I ever taught 12 classes per week [for so many years]. 

I'm also dealing with the reality of taking maternity leave again; it's hard for me to take time off from teaching and working because these are the two things that give my weeks shape, a bigger sense of purpose, and contact with adults in the outside world (LOL). 

Every decision that we make in life--especially those that we make to create time for something new--involve giving something up, either temporarily or permanently. Giving up a job, a location, a community, a role, an opportunity, a known quantity, a home, a relationship, an identity. 

In a way, since I became a parent, the past 3 years have been a series of lessons in letting go. I've given up being as creative, as productive, as available, and as active as I was before becoming a mother. I've had to scale back my teaching and my business. I've had way less time to myself, time for continuing education, time for my relationship, and time for travel (because who wants to travel with a baby or toddler? Thanksbutnothanks).

And all of this letting go isn't easy. It can be really unsettling and sad. But is it worth it? I definitely think so. Which is why I've signed up to do it again and why I'm gearing up to let go of EVEN MORE, YET AGAIN with the arrival of Babe #2. 

In my opinion (and in my experience), no matter what you're giving up, at the end of the day, it's the letting go that creates space for the new, the exciting, the challenging, the growth. And the good news is that in many cases, the letting go is either temporary or potentially reversible, if you want it to be (and I mean small scale here, ie. the having of the second child is not reversible, but the giving up of the yoga class is...).

So what do you have to lose? What do you need to let go of  in order to create space for something better, different, or more challenging?!?!