It was so weird, it hit me from out of nowhere, and I found myself honestly realizing (maybe for the first time?) that I'm really not a teenager, or a kid, or a young person anymore. Even though I still feel very much like my younger self inside ("I'm still me!"), I know that in the eyes of the kids I was walking past, I probably looked like what I am--an adult. I'm married now, I'm waaaay closer to thirty than I am to twenty, I have a life in Arlington, VA, and this is my life. Weird how we often forget these things, isn't it?
Looking at those kids, I thought about my high school self--so worried about my appearance, so concerned with relationships (watching rom-coms with my best friend and wondering if I would ever find "the one"), such a perfectionist, so self-conscious, so worried--and I wanted to tell her that it's all okay. I wanted to tell her that I'm no longer so concerned about what people think of me, that I'm married, I'm happy, that everything worked out (although not the way that she thought it would).
Yes, I'm still struggling with many of the same issues that I struggled with back then (learning how to say "no," slowing down, taking care of myself, I know you all could recite them with me...), but I've also made a real life for myself, a life that I actually like (!), as an adult human being. And that feels crazy.
Have you ever had a moment like this? When, out of nowhere, you stop and think about who you are? You define yourself the way that an outsider might define you, and realize that it feels extremely different than how you feel inside (but also know that you're just you, no matter what stage of life you're in or what you look like on the outside!?). It's very eye-opening.
Life is so filled with rushing from one moment to the next, that often, we forget to stop and realize that we've been through a lot to get where we are today. But, the high schoolers playing football outside on Sunday reminded me that the very fact that we've made it to this moment is in itself an accomplishment.
So this week, and today, I'm working on holding onto this realization and paying closer attention to where I am and who I've become. I'm working on recognizing that this is my life, and I am living it--and that I should try to actually notice what it feels like before it's gone in the blink of an eye.
I hope you'll join me in working on savoring the moment this week.